There have often been several discourses concerning financial freedom, responsibility, and how to treat one’s spouse in a marriage. Questions about who should pay the house rent between the husband and wife if one (particularly the wife) earns more. This question has bred many great gender battles on social media platforms like X (formerly Twitter), Facebook and Reddit.

For instance, a perplexed husband comes online to narrate his plight as an under-earning husband, whereas his wife probably makes millions of naira. He asks if he needs to pay his house rent when he already takes care of the children’s school fees and groceries.

There are many ways to answer the question of who should pay the house rent between a husband and wife. Still, before we respond, it is imperative to know that there are different kinds of people in Nigeria, so it is advised that you know who you court before you wed your worst nightmare.

Relationships go beyond just kisses and hugs; each family and each couple have their dynamic way of handling their matters, and that is why we are not proposing a finite answer to the question but merely showcasing that what is good for the goose might be bad for the gander.

To avoid financial problems with your wife, you must ask yourself, what kind of woman did you marry? In Nigeria, it is commonly drilled into men since adolescence that they will become providers in their families. As such, the responsibility for a home’s financial needs is rested solely on their shoulders. Meanwhile, the women are groomed to become home carers, taking care of the house while ‘Oga sir’ works to put food on the table.

This is not a bad idea for those who would instead stick with the archaic ways of societal conditioning; however, the same cannot be said for a couple who believes in doing things equally. You see, many average Nigerian households do not practice these archaic family/gender roles as they are often unable to afford that lifestyle. A double-income household is best advised in any family. For a husband to conveniently state that he wants to care for the house’s complete financial responsibilities, he must be well-to-do.

Due to the societal and mental conditioning placed on some Nigerian men and women, the general notion of any family is that the man, father and husband provide. At the same time, the wife’s efforts are often disregarded and seen as insignificant.

Money commands respect in Nigeria, and for a country ranked 46th poorest in the world, it is no shock that money has all power. Unfortunately, love is not all that rules a home, as there are bills to pay, ideologies to consider and the desire to grow with a person financially, emotionally, socially, and psychologically. 

Without derailing from the initial topic of who should pay the house rent, let us say, Akin, a husband, earns ₦1 million yearly, and his wife, Ada, recently got a job promotion that boosts her annual income from ₦700,000 to ₦2 million. They have both been paying a house rent of ₦500,000 divided into ₦100,000 and ₦400,000; it comes down to the lovers and their personalities determining the way forward.

Ada may not pay the most for their house rent as a wife, but she would be given other financial responsibilities that would still provide her with enough to save for their children and rainy days.

Similarly, if a wife earns more than her husband, the only logical thing to do is share the house rent between themselves in a way that would not cripple the other party. Why does rent have to be paid solely by one party in a romantic partnership sealed with vows that promise to be there for one another, rich and poor?

It all boils down to the mentalities and behaviours of every lover when the conversation about money is brought up. Do you have a stingy wife who would instead do the bare minimum? If she is a career-driven woman, have you discussed how to raise your family? If she earns more, is she expected to cook, clean, take the kids to school, focus on her work, and still pay half the bills at home?

Scenarios like this lead to hypothetical questions about what a person brings to the table in a relationship and many factors must be considered before one answers that question. There is no definite response to who should pay the house rent, but we can better narrate the things to consider before putting that question out on the internet.

Did you marry a man who has a fragile ego? Is he worried about what society will think of him if the world hears that you, the wife, pay more than he does? What solutions do you have for that? Do not share your marital information with anyone. A family’s secrets are best kept within themselves, well, secrets such as the finances of household expenses.

Is your spouse comfortable paying the same rent pattern despite one of you earning nearly double the other? Have a seat and discuss how best to navigate the new increment in finances; they say closed mouths don’t get fed, and it would do more good to get a topic out in the open than keep it in and assume the other party would like to split the bills.

So, who pays the house rent in a family? Well, that answer belongs to the family with the bills to pay. Are they committed to working together as partners, or would one person stick with their traditional beliefs and keep paying alone? Every home should be a haven for those living there; squabbling over finances will only hurt everyone mentally or emotionally.