by Ankush Bahuguna
Drinking is to men what talking is to women. No feeling in the world can match up to some bro-time with your best buddies over whisky and of course, the salted peanuts. But what makes it even more memorable is the spectrum of things men talk about after getting drunk. Yeah, they’re the same, wherever you go.
No matter how ‘different’ one guy group may be from the other, after five large pegs, they’re all the same. Here are some common topics they always talk about – always, in order of increasing drunkenness.
Drinks are served and the conversation is triggered off with fond memories of their college days – how they once got suspended, how they ended up in brawls every second day and how much the Dean hated them!
A few drinks down, the conversationalist inside them begins to come out. And what better topic than Indian politics to start it off! Statements like “Kejriwal bahut chalaak hai, tujhe pata nahi hai. Bahut badi game khel raha hai woh” are made every now and then, like they grew up in the same neighbourhood. Some more opinions on Modi are made. And Rahul Gandhi?
The conversation begins to heat up as the group gets divided into Modi and Kejriwal supporters. The discussion starts bordering on to slight aggression.
And, there is always this one guy who is already so drunk, he has no idea what he is saying.
The conversation in politics takes a back seat when one of them gets a mail from his boss. The focus now shifts to how frustrated each one of them is in their respective jobs.
And every time the word ‘college’ comes up, they cannot help discussing their ex-girlfriends. From how they he first proposed to her to how she dumped him, everything is brought up on the table.
And even those who never really had a problem with that girl till a minute ago are finally up in arms for their bro.
From heart-break, the conversation comes down to ‘love’ and its many meanings. Contrary to popular belief, guys do talk about love – believe it or not. And when that happens, one should assume they definitely are past three stages of being drunk.
Somehow, one of them is always assumed to be the most heart-broken by the rest of the group, usually the one who is the least drunk.
The poor guy is then forcibly targeted and counselled endlessly by others on love. Even though he shouts out loud that his love life is just fine, others just refuse to get down from the love guru throne.
By this time, they all finally realize they’re drunk. But, of course they won’t admit. So, in defence they start calling each other drunk, while spilling drinks all over themselves. At least half an hour is wasted in deciding who is the drunkest.
Drunk Marriage Plans
Of course, no drunken conversation is complete without their marriage plans. And if, God forbid, one of them is actually going to get married soon, you wouldn’t even realise when the next hour passes.
Trips That Never Happen
In that epic drunkenness, there is always a reference to either ‘Dil Chahta Hai’ or ‘Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara’. And, then a legendary trip plan is made – a reunion trip, like they show in the movies. A lot of thought goes into planning the trip that night but sadly, nobody even remembers a slight mention of it the next morning.
It’s almost dawn and by this time, they’re all so drunk that all they can think about is how much they love each other. There will be pats on the back, frequent hugs and even tears from at least one of them.
And they all pass out.
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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.