Letter to Mr. President
Dear Mr. President,
How are you today? I trust you are well? Well why wouldn’t you be? You are eating 1 million naira a meal per day, so yes! I am sure you must be in excellent and robust health.
How is the Dame and the children, the baby-mama and aunty Didi (oops, sorry people didn’t know you two had some connection? Sorry it was a slip, it will happen a lot in this letter. Oh and let me apologize in advance, my mouth sharp oo)? I am sure the home front is good? Right! Let’s get down to some crucial matters. These are matters that concern our great beloved country.
Guy, YOU DRINK????
Why is Boko Haram terrorizing the North? Bombs going off by the day and you haven’t done a thing about it? Instead, you are busy reading out your copy and paste speeches? Wetin na?? Speaking of speeches; let’s take a quick look at the last one; the one for Kano.
- In which seven persons were confirmed dead and others wounded. Among the seven persons killed in the incident was a reporter with Channels Television in Kano, Mr. Enenche Akogwu. – 7 people?? In whush Kano?? Kano in Nigeria fa? And it was 7 people?? Issokay!!! Hell is Real ooo…
- President Jonathan who said he was greatly saddened by the incident which led to the loss of lives of innocent Nigerians – Really?? It took you 24 bloody hours to respond o. Oh sorry, you were too sad, you need composure abi?
- Pledged to get to the root of the incident while assuring the management and staff of Channels Television which lost its Kano-based correspondent and indeed all Nigerians; that those behind these acts of terrorism would be made to face the full wrath of the law. – *snores* Sorry I dozed off, I didn’t realize you where still talking. This law that has wrath, me I haven’t seen it? Biko please Uncle, bring it quick.
- And assured all journalists that “the Federal Government will continue to partner with the media in a robust and patriotic manner in the drive to build, institute and sustain the administration’s transformational values and programmes for our dear country and indeed Nigerians. – should we name all the journalists that have been killed in this country? Let’s move on dear sir.
- The President further commended the media for its historic role in protecting constitutional democracy and the rule of Law in Nigeria – shamelessly quoting RSVP. Uncle Reubens, I see you o.
- As a responsible Government, we will not fold our hands and watch enemies of democracy, for that is what these mindless killers are, perpetrate unprecedented evil in our land. – Bwaaaaaahhhhhhaaaa..ya funny Mr. President. I wish you read this out, I would have loved to see your face. Lmao.
But guy you fall my hand dangerously o ahaha!!
You didn’t even add any new words, same old story, same old speech I have heard all my life. Is there like a default book of speeches that your people just refer to and just pick words out when you have a 7 min speech?
Now I am a little confused? Can you help me out? I don’t get it. I mean c’mon even Mugabe is well into his 80’s and is still seen to have control over his country; and mind you, he is one of the most “Lambasted & Lampooned” presidents in the world!
Fuel Subsidy: Mr. President Do you actually know what fuel subsidy is? I mean really do you know? And not what aunty Didi, Big Mummy Ngozi and Uncle Lamido told you. You want us to trust you, yet you can’t even honour your own word. Oga mi, this thing nor good o. you tell me in each speech of how you feel my pain. Sorry but Mr. President with all due respect, you DO NOT FEEL MY PAIN! I am probably still one of the few people that belong to this “middle class” but yet, I feel the hardship; so stop telling me you feel my pain cos my dear sir you certainly don’t.
Mr. President you tell us to tighten our belt, biaa…whush belt you sef tight? I know how many cuts I am personally going to take in order to keep my own business afloat just because you have increased Fuel, I have even had to cut my weekend groove and drinks but I am sure you are currently passed out from a night of drinks as I write this. Abi na lie? Ideally, I should question you about the budget but I will let my other big brothers and sisters who use big English have their turn with you on that.
You are living in a Utopia world Mr. President alongside Reno Omokri, David Mark, Oronto Douglas, Labaran Maku, Emeka Wogu, DAM, SLS, NOI, Ringim and Ogar. Your worlds are quite far from our own realities, your nose seem permanently stuck in the air and the rest of them can’t get their faces away from your behind because its stuck kissing it. Uncle Jona, until you are ready to actually feel our pain, STOP SAYING IT! Have you visited these places up north that are been blown up? (Oh yes, you appeared in Kano on Sunday as part of you publicity stunt to show you “feel our pain”) or do you just rely on what your arse-kissers tell you? Guy rise from your drunken state and just do sonetin na.
Mr. President I felt very insulted when your ministers & co said that we youths that gathered are a paid crowd and we got paid ₦500 + pure water.
₦500?? A whole me!! So you are saying Chude Jideonwo, Kola Oyeneyin, ‘Gbenga Sesan, Funmi Iyanda, ‘Yemi Adamolekun, Omojuwa, StanVito, Yomi Badejo-Okunsanya, Akintunde Oyebode, Kathleen Ndongmo, Tolu Ogunlesi, Kunle Durojaiye, Seun Kuti, Yadoma, Dawisu, ‘Deji Ashiru-Balogun, The Ogwuegbu clan and a whole heap of others. Most of whom I can beat my chest and say they are honest hardworking men and women of society got paid ₦500? Are we so cheap abi we resemble paid crowd for una eye?
You blame twitter for your woes, Maku is worried that we insult you daily, Mr. President, may I remind you that you actually insult millions of Nigerians daily? Your friends at ‘Neighbour 2 Neighbour’ put advert for you saying you may not leave us good roads or power but you won’t leave us in debt. Hiaan!! Debt!! Uncle Jona nor bi insult bi this?? Err…is that why we are here?? Ahaha!!
Mr. President, I ask you to change your ways for the better, we don’t like this dictator style you are pulling; may I remind you 2011 was a bad year for dictators and the trend will carry on this year. I ask you to ‘Man Up’. You claim you are the nation’s C-in-C, well bloody act like it. Stop acting like you are a puppet, like you are being controlled or afraid. Stop attacking the innocent ones, deal with Boko Haram. Stop looking for people committing treachery just because we march the streets, guy e go shock you say we go enter streets again o.
Uncle Jona, you may see this letter as “an act of treason”, quite frankly, I don’t care. It is ok, come and pick me up. I am tired seeing suffering; I am tired of managing this country. This is a country and we the YOUTHS intend to get it back. We want a Country that WORKS. I expect to hear from you soon sir and we hope it is positive sir.
Mr. President, My name is Aninoritse Odeli-Serrano and I AM A NIGERIAN!!
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