The Y!TV interview with Busola Dakolo revealing heart-wrenching details of her rape, another allegation that the status of Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo isn’t alien to, sent shockwaves throughout the nation and galvanized internet users towards protesting at the Lagos and Abuja branches of COZA. The #ChurchToo hashtag was effectively deployed in this crusade against Fatoyinbo’s silence, and the conspiracy of the church that has shielded him from accountability while he leaves a trail of damaged, broken lives.
Dakolo’s revelation spurred a number of women (and men) to share their experiences on rape and sexual assault, transcending beyond the church. Interestingly, celebrities have found their voices, too. What’s important to note is that rape and sexual assault is now a unifier for people, regardless of sexuality, gender, or sexuality.
As a celebrity photographer, TY Bello is a household name whose prominence carbon-dates to the now-defunct gospel music band Kush. Following Dakolo’s story of allegedly being raped twice by Pastor Fatoyinbo, Bello wrote on Instagram about her own abuse at the age of seven. She only just found the courage to share this thirty years later, detailing how she felt shame all through the years and the imposed silence. Bello’s Christianity and her relationship with God are intrinsic to her person, and her story of abuse couldn’t have come at a better time.
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I remember how the silence I had to keep after the abuse slowly killed me .. I also remember the relief I found in my relationship God so early .That really was my rescue ..yet for decades I could never find my voice on the matter .. I was still afraid ..Mostly because I felt it may have been the fault of my seven year old self ..somehow.. Fast forward .. almost thirty years later ..I knew better .. and was ‘big’ enough .. I understood the importance of stepping up when it was time to share my story .. and ..I did in my @kemiadetiba ‘s #kingwomen interview .. it surprised me however,how hard it was to talk about sexual abuse after so many years .. but it was such a relief ..But soon after came the resistance .. In sharing ..I faintly began tasting the shame again .. that same feeling of naked ‘dirtiness ‘’ I had as a child .. it hadn’t completely gone away .It also became clear .. that real stories of sexual abuse still sounded like NOVELTY.. I saw headline after headline .. even in broken English .. this my ‘confession ‘.that ‘ Dem ‘SPOIL ‘ me when I be small pikin’.. It didn’t feel good that it was so ‘sensational’ as I was aware of how massive a plague this was ..WE CLEARLY ARE NOT TALKING ENOUGH ..too many children sexually abused .. too many sex crimes ..especially now .. right under our noses . I had to push past the inner conflict that talking about it was ‘unnecessary’ … it was too long ago ..too ‘Oyinboish ‘to discuss publicly .. ‘. ‘Then of course ..that talking about it now would make it seem like my family failed me as a child .. but they didn’t .. and could never have known .. I had mastered SILENCE !they were victims too. Every abuse story is different but it is SHAME that makes them complicated.. Sadly , the shame hardly lies with the perpetrators .. So I’ve learnt that it’s time to nail shame right where it belongs ..Far away from the wronged .. Bringing them instead to healing ,justice and freedom. We must teach ever child the power of their voices ,,Apparently ,we must teach adults too … and more importantly we must learn to listen .. understand and know that Sex is not a dirty word .. but DENIAL is ..
Popular radio presenter Dotun Kayode recently revealed on Instagram how he was sexually molested by a housemaid when he was 11-years-old. He remembers her name, and he stamps it across three separate posts just for emphasis. Because of this, his followers were also able to privately send to him their stories of rape and sexual assault. So far, Dotun is the only male celebrity in the wake of the Dakolo story who is highlighting male sexual abuse.
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(PART 1) Yall see Kings, Mentors & Queens in a Regalia wit crowns filled with stars. U all see tough people who are meant to be robots to you, meant to walk around with armors, save their faces no matter what, not meant to share what you all see as a show of weakness .. I laugh coz you all sometimes don’t know what it takes to be the king of your soul. A soul that can be snatched by a person’s filthy hands, bad habits, unprincipled mind & devious mind. I come from a very religious background where I attend church, Monday bible study, Thursday miracle revival, Sunday worship service, go to Ayobo for retreats on Easter, days before Christmas, Gbagada for combined services as a routine for a better part of my life, 20 years of my life. I was a Deeper life member and so if you want to speak to me about religion, think again cos I have seen it all. I got all the spiritual training, physical upbringing but one question is what happens when daddy and mummy decides to go to work? or hustle? drops you off at school or in church or the mosque.. who is in charge? The maid, the gateman, your uncle, your aunty, your brother, siblings, your pastor, your imam, your teacher etc .. who is in charge when they are not there? Folake was our maid for over two years who completely adored me way more than my siblings, serves my meals specially, never beats me when I do wrong, never reports me and sometimes makes my mum wonder as much say things like “sho fe like omo mi ju mi lo ni” meaning (do you want to like my child more than me) .. it was a fun gesture and we all would laugh it off but the price and adverse effect of whatever those advances were had a cost that would linger for a long time. Folake would want me to bath with her all the time, in the process asked me to fondle her breast, stick my fingers in her vagina, sometimes when she isn’t satisfied, she gives me things to stick in countless times, pulls my peepee, she will masturbate and make me watch and after the whole process, she will threatened never to tell anyone or else she will kill me. I started to get fond of it so much that I’ll refuse to take a bath with my siblings, refuse to eat any food except she serves it
Mr 2 Kay
The only thing that comes to mind about Mr 2 Kay is his 2017 assault, after performing at the ”Buckwyld N Breathless” concert. With the current churning atmosphere on rape, Mr 2 Kay revealed how how he was sexually molested back in secondary school by a senior.
Chika Unigwe is the author of NLNG-Prize winning novel On Black Sisters’ street, and recently in a Facebook post she narrated a near-rape ordeal during her undergraduate days in the University of Nigeria, and other sexual harassment that had to endure when she was younger.
When Bernard Dayo isn’t writing about pop culture, he’s watching horror movies, anime and trying to pretend his addiction to Netflix isn’t a serious condition.