by Eizu Uwaoma

(Author of “The Lost Manuals”)

 

 

 

 

It’s hard to sometimes treat women right because of our experiences and influences over time. It’s not normal to expect these truths to come from a man like me considering when the guys come around to talk about women, expect the worst details.

We use names like b!tch, f*ck and knacks and it’s so awful. We sometimes go as far as giving out our experiences with women for laughs without even realising that it may be very private and personal to her. But then, we don’t care, we just let go in a nonchalant manner over bottles of drinks. We are males right? Hmmm, right.

Yeah right? We are males but not men, perhaps better put; we are boys, and don’t think I’m growing soft, this “boy” here is growing up. I could have grown old without growing up as I did more of male stuffs too, like playing around with women and thanks to hip hop which glorifies vanity and disrespects women- it all made it easier for me.

 “…love her like your daughter, your baby, after all isn’t that what you call her when you want her.”

My first degree in mathematics and computing made me analytical and it’s cool how I also wrote a lot of poetry and did enough hip hop to understand the trend of how hip hop talked more about male stuffs like guns, sex, money and less on things that should make you a real man, like love and philosophy.  These are values that black people have lost over time which we need to regain.

Sometimes do you blame us? I find it amazing when I have conversations with women who say they want to return as males in a “next lifetime” and that if they did, they would be players. This only suggests the concealed truth of their attraction to what exists in a man’s world, the same one that is disrespectful to them.

Why do men play or sometimes disrespect women though? This is still the bone in contention. Is it our nature or is it an accumulation of the generalised details we claim to know about women, which are sometimes untrue.

The real woman refers to the one that excites your senses and turns you on and hard without her consent but her softness makes you fall in love to her plights, feelings and decisions. The real woman may be soft and gullible but yet strong.

If you find such a girl then don’t just tell her that she’s special, show it and protect her like your sister, respect her like your mother, love her like your daughter, your baby, after all isn’t that what you call her when you want her. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s gone and if she ever leaves you for good, still wish for her happiness, even if it’s not with you.

We need to change our thinking faculty.  Sometimes, we think it’s in our heritage as men to cheat and not in our character to love faithfully. So we walk around with the swag of a player, or a “ladies man” or even, a womanizer- you try touching her body without touching her heart.

Don’t be a male, be a man. This starts from the moment you begin to treat women with respect. Don’t just use her. Don’t have sex with her, make love – give her the part which is perhaps the only part that is breakable, your heart, as the real man that you are.