by Madame Noire
Don’t let a woman trick you into the, “Do you think she’s pretty” conversation. Whether it’s about a woman you both actually know or an actress, don’t do it. Women believe they are the authority on other women, so whatever your opinion is, she’ll most likely tell you you’re wrong.
When you’re in love with someone you think they’d be a joy to have around for anything! You get in over your head and make commitments to the person you can never take back. Or you share things with them you realize were better left unsaid. Learn from many that have traveled down the wrong path before, and don’t do this.
Going with her to the gynecologist
For whatever reason—comfort, a desire to have you understand the female anatomy better—some women like to drag their man to the gyno. It may seem harmless at first, and you don’t want to be mean by saying no, so you tag along. But know this: if you’re in the room, and your girlfriend is complaining of any symptoms or issues down there, the doctor will turn to you as another source of information. Hey—you’re in there more than he is. And after discussing your woman’s va jay jay in medical terms, it will never look or feel the same to you again.
Getting her into video games
You know she’ll love your games if you could just get her to play them one time. But that’s the problem: she probably will love them and become just as addicted to them as you are. And then, you can never just play the thing alone again. And you’ll experience what it was like to be on her end sometimes, when you want to do something else and she just wants to play the game. You may also become competitive with each other, and that tension can carry on away from the gaming consoles. I get it: you want to share with her something that you love. Pick something else.
Taking her to guys night
She tells you she’ll be cool. She tells you, “But your friends love me!” She says she’ll act like one of the boys, or that you’ll hardly even notice she’s there. It doesn’t matter how much your boys love your girl: the instant a girl walks into a room of all men, a shield goes up. Men have deeply ingrained little filters around women. And even if those filters are slight, there is a cloud over the night that doesn’t let them act quite as they would if a woman weren’t there. Don’t do that to your boys. What’s worse is maybe their filters won’t kick in. And then your girl will be mortified at what she hears and sees.
Going to girls night
Don’t crash your girl’s night. A man tends to take up the attention in the room because men just have more assertive presences, so you’ll immediately steal the spotlight from your girl. She also won’t feel free to dish everything to her friends that she would of if you hadn’t been there. I know they’re just sipping wine in your living room so you think, why can’t you join them? But, get out of there. Let your girlfriend be the star for the night.
Sexual acts you both were uncertain about
If there is any sexual act, from toys to threesomes, that both you and your partner felt uneasy about doing, don’t do it. If you don’t go into those kinds of things with complete certitude, there’s usually a feeling of regret afterwards.
Everybody is friends with your ex
So you are still friends with an ex that you know is a great girl and you think your girlfriend would like. I promise you: you’re better off living with the awkwardness of your new girl getting a little annoyed when you go off to hang with your ex, than you are with the chaos that comes from introducing your new girl and your ex. Either the two will hate each other, and then you’ve got a big problem on your hands. Or, they’ll love each other and spend all their time together and talk about everything. And then you’ve got an even bigger problem on your hands.
Analyzing other females
Don’t let a woman trick you into the, “Do you think she’s pretty” conversation. Whether it’s about a woman you both actually know or an actress, don’t do it. Women believe they are the authority on other women, so whatever your opinion is, she’ll most likely tell you you’re wrong. And your girl will pay close attention to how you analyze other women and immediately relate it to herself. You could have issues of insecurity or jealousy rise up.
You want to prove to the world you’ll be together forever? Get married. Definitely get married before you’d get matching tattoos! No matter how in love you are, just try to imagine what life would be like without that woman, and with that tattoo. Even the less than 1% chance of that happening should be enough reason not to do it.
You think it will be fun! You’re excited to show off your hot girlfriend’s body to other envying dudes. But that will be the last thing on anybody’s mind once you get there. Your girlfriend will immediately be comparing herself to other women, and she’ll notice if your eyes linger for even a second too long on someone. Which, of course they’ll do! It’s a nude beach!
Sharing a pet
Unless you’re married, if you’re going to get a pet designate an owner. Of course you and your partner will help each other out with the pet, but it should be agreed upon who is primarily responsible for the pet to avoid any fights over taking care of it, paying for medical bills etc. and to avoid major heartbreak over custody if you and your partner broke up.
Starting a company together
This can either make or break a relationship. Your partner may love who you are as a boyfriend, friend, son and citizen of the world. But she may hate who you are as a businessman. We’re all somebody else when it comes to business and sometimes your partner is better off being shielded from that face. This could bring you two closer because you’ll deeply understand the stresses and concerns of the other person. But, before doing something so large as starting a business together try to build up to it by working together in smaller capacities to see how you get along.
Arguing in front of your friends
I don’t care who started it: you end it. You’ll both feel humiliated afterwards if you engaged in a full on couples dispute in front of your friends. Not only will you feel bad about putting them through that, but you’ll also inevitably begin to wonder who “won” the fight in the eyes of your friends. Who do they think is the better partner, now that they’ve seen the two of you battle? Subconsciously, you’ll be battling to be the better partner in front of friends from there on out.
Sharing past sex stories
You have a funny sex story from one of your exes or a one-night stand that you know will make your partner laugh. But guess what: no matter how funny your story, all your partner will be thinking about is the image of you with somebody else. If you get really unlucky, she’ll feel the need (to be fair, or to torture you in return) to share one of her past sex stories. And then neither of you will be laughing, and probably not having sex that night.
Planning a big trip too soon
A long and/or expensive trip really shouldn’t be planned until you’ve been with someone for half a year. And that’s 6 peaceful months. If you’ve been fighting the whole time, it doesn’t count. Two months in you’re still too infatuated to have actually noticed the person’s flaws. Four months might feel like a long time but the pressures of life haven’t started to set in yet. You probably still have the energy to be going to each other’s places late at night, just to get a few hours together. You’re probably still shacking up a lot for the weekend, not seeing other friends or family. So you don’t know how your actual lives will affect the relationship. At 6 months, the person is probably substantially incorporated into your life, and the excitement has calmed down enough for you to more honestly evaluate the person.
Read more in Madame Noire
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.