Last week, President Buhari pulled every trick in the book to ensure that he doesn’t return in 2019. First there was fuel scarcity, then there was a documentary of the President’s Softer Side starring Garba Shehu, Femi Adesina, Buhari’s children and every other person working in Aso Rock, released at the height of the unnecessary petrol scarcity, while Nigerians were doing night vigil at filling stations. He wrapped it up successfully just yesterday with a thousand man appointment that included 6 dead men. The tremor from that bombshell reverberated throughout Twitter land.
So let’s ease you into our top 10 quotes from last week:
1 Garba Shehu
Because even a list of appointments containing dead men deserves an explanation.
“No human undertaking can be free of mistakes”.
Yeye dey smell.
Bishop Alexander Ibezim
Caption this?
How about when the Church attempts to take the blame for horrid governance from Buhari and hoist it unto the shoulders of Nigeria’s citizens.
This is wrong.
I tell you if individuals, families, Christians, Moslems, and so on should do their bits well, governance will be easy; governance will be simple.”
Maikanti Baru
“I’m happy to report that we have tamed the monster that reared its head as a result of the rumoured price increase about three weeks ago.”
Too early to call it, sir?
Joseph Boakai
We love how African leaders are embracing democracy. Defeated Liberian Presidential aspirant conceded to Weah by saying:
“My name will not be used as (an) excuse for one drop of human blood to be spilt in this country.”
History will remember you well.
George Weah
Meanwhile, the new President of Liberia is riding on the change slogan- even after seeing how that turned out for Nigeria.
“My fellow Liberians, I deeply feel the emotion of all the nation. I measure the importance and the responsibility of the immense task which I embrace today. Change is on.”
We shall see.
Davido
After a year of subs and Twitter spats, Davido and Wizkid ended the year in an embrace. In fact, at his 30 Billion Concert last week, Davido asked:
“Would you like to meet my new best friend?”
Awwwwwn.
Jibrin
The A, B, C of how to score an invite to Aso Rock:
“After writing three letters to Mr President seeking audience without response, I gave up. I did my best and left everything to the anti-graft and security agencies. The false allegations in the book left me with no choice than to speak out as my last resort to clear such lies.”
And Jibrin got his Christmas wish.
Femi Adesina
In last week’s episode of Living In A Fool’s Paradise, we have the sycophant, Mr Adesina, making a case for Buhari’s softer side.
“The reactions mainly dwell on the fact that a documentary showing the human side of the President (as against the well-known iron and steel) is coming at a time there is severe fuel scarcity in the country. And I say, why not? Is life all about doom and gloom? Must we sit in ashes and wear sackcloth perpetually, and ignore the brighter side of life? God forbid!”
“Despite the temporal pains, life must continue, and we must look at the cheery side…
That is why I disagree with armchair critics, who wail at the drop of a hat. Millions of Nigerians appreciate President Buhari, love him passionately, and would watch the airing of the documentary, which shows the President in a perspective not very well known before.”
Muhammadu Buhari
Once again, President Buhari had everyone wondering if this President business is
“I am thinking I am 75. I thought I was 74 but I was told I was 75.”
Is or was? Which is it, sir?
Justice Abdullahi
Because it seems Ambode cannot be bothered…
“You mean Lagos will remain smelling like this into the New Year? No, do something, go and meet with yourselves, reach an agreement, come up with the final draft, put it on the internet, call me, I will enter it as judgment from wherever I am so that we can move on, We can’t continue to leave Lagos in this state.”
A judge after my own heart.
Reformed social media monitoring spirit
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