Ifeanyi Chima: I ignored all the signs (30 days, 30 voices)

by Ifeanyi Chima

womansad

“I never believed that such a sugar-coated tongue could feed me a pack of lies.”

The words kept ringing in my head. “You are nothing, not good enough. You can’t do anything, you are worthless.” These words occupied my subconscious mind. I couldn’t believe it, I had finally broken up with Stanley. A relationship that had gone on for 4 years! Stanley and I met when I was about graduating from secondary school and I thought he would be “the one” ( sigh; childish fantasies). Barely 3 months after we met, we started dating. I was head over heels, the whole ‘butterfly in my tummy’ experience. The relationship went smoothly for about a year and a half then the complaining began. “You don’t do this, you don’t do that, do you want me to go out there and cheat?”, he would threaten. My friends warned me to quit before I got burned but I turned deaf ears.

I should have read the signs,  Stanley was a ladies man. He would lie to my face, “they flock around me, I cannot help it”. Ironically, he was the jealous type. He went through my phone regularly and threw tantrums whenever he read friendly text messages from other guys. Things got worse when I began to see other ladies in his house. He would dish out numerous excuses, “she’s my colleague, my friend’s girlfriend, my ex-classmate”. At some point, he even claimed some of them as relations. I was blind or maybe I was just ignorant. I never believed that such a sugar-coated tongue could feed me a pack of lies.

At some point, I thought I was the problem. Maybe I needed to start using more make-up or wearing more fitted dresses, I thought. Poor Me! I was only worrying my pretty little head over a person that didn’t deserve a second of my time. Sadly, I didn’t know this until much later; then it was too late. In my ignorance, I became desperate to save our relationship. When we started dating at first, Stanley would brag to his friends that I was ‘intact’. However, after years of dating, he began to put pressure on me for sex. At first, I bluntly refused but when the relationship was going through ‘crisis’, I decided to give in.  I remember the exact date and time we had sex for the first time because it’s the moment I made the most stupid mistake of my life. Instead of solving the issue, that experience became the basis of our breakup.

Stanley’s attitude got much worse. After we had sex, he became so nonchalant. He would go days without contacting me; I didn’t even get replies to the text messages I sent him. One fateful day, I decided to pay him a surprise visit and cook his favourite meal for him (you can guess who got surprised). Getting to his house, a beautiful, young lady was seated in his parlour. I was shocked; however, he calmed me down and told me the young lady was his cousin and she would leave soon. Foolish me! I believed him hook, line and sinker. While I was cooking in the kitchen, I peeped to see what was going on in the parlour and why everywhere was silent. I couldn’t believe my eyes, Stanley and his ‘cousin’ were smooching on the couch. I couldn’t take it any more, I walked out! Leaving the pot of food boiling, I packed my things and left. That was the end!

The end of our relationship? Yes, but the beginning of new knowledge for me. I learned to heed wise counsel, sometimes what makes you ‘happy’ isn’t what is best for you. It may sound ironical and cliché but it’s the truth… I think?  No, I know.

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Ifeanyi Chima is a creative young lady, a former beauty queen and a damn good actress.

30 Days, 30 Voices series is an opportunity for young Nigerians from across the world to share their stories and experiences – creating a meeting point where our common humanity is explored.

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija

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