Ladies, eat your hearts out: 25 (interesting) perks of being a man

by Ankush Bahuguna

black-man handsome

While appearing for an interview, you aren’t expected to bend forward while talking to the interviewer. Neither is aptitude judged by the shape and size of your rear

1.  You never require someone else to fix the tyre for you. Those superhuman hands that have a way with the tightest of jars and the courage to fix nude electric wires without so much of a blink of the eyelid are socket-ed right into your body.

2.  Neither do you care about repeating clothes nor does the world keep a record of how many times you’ve already worn that shirt before. A single suitcase suffices for even a week-long trip.

3. Other men never ogle at your chest while talking to you – unless, you’re Anil Kapoor. If you are, we must advise you to keep the gross foliage from peeking out of the tiniest of gaps between the shirt and your chest.

4. While appearing for an interview, you aren’t expected to bend forward while talking to the interviewer. Neither is aptitude judged by the shape and size of your rear.

5. Nudity in movies almost always implies naked women. It’s amazing how cinema is custom made for us men, showing us exactly what we want to see on the screen.

6. You can wear your favourite white T-shirt to the water park or the beach. But if you’re hiding man-boobs bigger than Pamela Anderson’s assets under that shirt, this one isn’t for you. White is banned for you.

7. Nobody stops telling that dirty joke when you suddenly walk in to the room. Rather, they rope you in the gang with every guy telling the dirtiest joke they’ve ever heard. It is never an embarrassing moment, always a means to bond more over the laughs.

8. If you’re the regular guy without any weird fetishes that involve wearing women’s lingerie, you will never face embarrassing strap problems in public.

9. You never miss out on any opportunity involving sex just because you are not in the mood, because you always are. It means endless possibilities and opportunities of having sex whenever we want!

10. Red, Blue, Yellow and Green are the only four colours you are expected to know of (black and white are oh-so-common). And if you’re able to additionally spot a Fucsia or a Mauve, you’re definitely getting laid.

11. As a man, you are genetically programmed to devote almost all of your time in thinking about sex. You’re gifted with the ability to do so at a stretch without other important things making their way to your mind. You can incessantly indulge in your wildest fantasies throughout the day without so much of a hint of guilt.

12. You do not need to buy any gifts or chocolates before visiting your friend. And it is absolutely alright for you to eat the chocolates on your own; the ones you may have bought for them, on the way.

13. You can ask the chemist for a pack of condoms, without caring about the fact that he might picture you naked, or worse, imagine you doing what naked people do.

14. You do not need a separate room for your dear shoes. Those three favourite pairs solve the purpose completely.

15. You do not need to end your friendship with your childhood friend just because he skipped you out of the guest list for his fifth birthday party by mistake that happened twenty years ago.

16. You do not need to control your bladder when in an emergency situation. All you have around is all you need. The world is your urinal and you have the power to paint it yellow. No, we’re not promoting urinating in public, just saying.

17. Your first grey hair and the first wrinkle are symbols of wisdom and character. Ageing is not what we fret over, rather it is what we take pride in.

18. You can sit with your legs apart whenever and wherever you want without anybody questioning your social etiquette.

19. Your world doesn’t come crashing down if your friends do not notice your haircut. In fact, you don’t remember getting a haircut yourself until someone comments on it.

20. When people disapprove of your work, you don’t cry your eyes out assuming everybody hates you because you don’t really care about what people have to say about you. You know you’re a man, and you’re awesome!

21. You’re very comfortable with silence, especially when it means not uttering a word when you’re watching your favourite game with your buddies. Two hours can pass easily without a conversation without any of you thinking ‘Is he mad at me?’

22. Things just work out on their own with best friends. It’s not a big deal to tell a friend you’d call and completely forget about it because more often than not, he would’ve forgotten it too. If it’s a matter of life and death (where death equals only death and not getting a pimple), he’d call you up himself.

23. You can grow a moustache, which is not the point here because a few girls can too. But you can always be assured that no matter how bad the moustache looks on you, it would definitely be better than what it would look like on a woman.

24. You feel blessed you get to go to the bachelor party instead of the bridal shower. Who wants to chit-chat with people you secretly hate till the jaws fall off, when you can get a free lap dance from the hottest stripper in the town and wake up next morning with no memory of the previous night whatsoever?

25. We don’t mind being sex objects. We love being sex objects. In fact, we want to be sex objects. Sex, oh! We love sex.

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