Guys might like variety but if it’s the same chic every time, sex isn’t his biggest priority with her, loyalty is.
There are some assumptions built over time about the sexes that seem true at first but are mostly false. Where men are concerned, assumptions about us work in our favour sometimes and when they don’t, we don’t know how to tell you and you wouldn’t bother to ask. Here are seven of those myths and why sisters shouldn’t just assume.
Of course there will always be exceptions but what I explain here holds true for the average guy. Where you are in doubt, just ask him and listen carefully for his response. Body language speaks more than words so observe him carefully.
1. He’s jealous because he loves you – Not always. The average guy is territorial. It has a lot to do with our desire to conquer than with romantic feelings. Even if you’re just his sex partner, he wouldn’t be so comfortable watching you receive phone calls from your other sex partners. Of course we hide it well sometimes! We act like we don’t care when we really do. Some say guys are more jealous than ladies but I don’t know. I do know though that a guy getting jealous over you is not an indication of love. Here’s the logic: jealousy over you isn’t love for you but love for you will include jealousy over you.
2. He just wants to be friends – I’m sure ladies are smarter than this but really, some just act all naïve when it comes to other guys. No guy sets out deliberately from the onset to be just friends, we all missed our way to ‘Love-Land’ or ‘Booty-Arena’ and found ourselves in this strange place called ‘Friend-Zone’. Your being comfortable with us as friends doesn’t mean we don’t keep dreaming of the day you’ll suddenly realise that the backrub at the end of a long day flew in on the wings of the hope of something sexual or romantic.
3. He doesn’t like it when you fuss over him – if you’re one of those girls that like to check up on your man, follow-up on stuff he told you he wants to do, prepare hot peppersoup when he has a cold, congrats sister! You’re doing it just right…except you’re overdoing it. If I say ‘guys are just babies’ I’ll be betraying the brotherhood. But really, we love to be pampered and fussed over and cared about. It reminds us of that ‘mum’ we love so much but this is ‘mum’ that can’t fully control us and gets physical with us! Awesome. The key is: don’t overdo it or nag about it. Just show him he’s your firstborn.
4. You can’t make him stay if he doesn’t want to – This may sound true but here’s a secret: every married guy didn’t start dating his wife with a view to marrying her except he’s one of those nerds from science faculty. Guys don’t start a relationship based on ‘love’, we start with attraction. We usually don’t know where we’re going until we’re almost there. The longer time we spend with a girl, the more likely we are to fall in love with her or feel compelled to be with her or just too used to her to look for anyone else.
5. Guys don’t like to talk – I don’t know where this came from but the truth is: guys talk…a lot. If he’s not talking to you, he’s either talking to his friends or his ex-girlfriend. She’s actually suspect number one. Maybe you should try finding out how he likes to talk or stuff he likes to talk about. When a guy is talking about deep ish, don’t interrupt even if he pauses for a while. Don’t feel compelled to chip in anything: this isn’t the girls chitchat. Now I know there are some quiet guys but even they have someone they talk to. The more you talk about him to him, the more he’ll talk about himself to you.
6. Males don’t like being corrected – It’s tough to prove this one but I’ll try; you’ll just have to trust me somehow. And before you rush away, I’m talking correction here not changing his lifestyle. There’s only one woman that can’t correct a man she’s dating: the one who never stops reminding him that she was right. See, if you correct him once, he fails to listen and it ends badly, do not say ‘I told you so’ except he’s just your temporary lover. Get in behind him immediately and shrug it off, if he doesn’t confess that he should have listened to you before he sleeps that night, stop reading my blog (I don’t mean that sha) or break up with him (I mean this one). If he doesn’t tell you, he’ll surely tell his friends. To correct a guy, be direct and to the point. Say it once, but say it firmly. Going on and on works with your girls but with us guys, just say it once and the seed will grow naturally.
7. He always wants sex – On behalf of every guy in this country that has lived more than three months in Lagos or Abuja, I denounce this myth! It was created by one girl from one of those ‘high sex libido’ states (I didn’t mention which please!) who had a terribly lengthy sexual encounter with a ginseng-overdosed guy.
Truth is, guys above 25 are more concerned with a girl who’ll be our favourite buddy and our most loyal teammate. It’s never just about the sex but some guys use it as a means to infuse loyalty (dunno if it ever works). Guys might like variety but if it’s the same chic every time, sex isn’t his biggest priority with her, loyalty is. If you’ve dated him for more than 6 months and had sex together more than half of your age number, he probably thinks you like sex more than he does. And I’m not kidding you.
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.