For the first time in her undeserving social media career, presidential aide Lauretta Onochie finally got something right last week. She asked a valid question. A question that borders on the relevance, legitimacy and sanity of Femi Fani-Kayode’s runny mouth and the words that come out of them. While it’s hard to vouch for the responsibility of the two adults based on the exchange that followed said question, there’s no gainsaying that Ms Lauretta spoke for a large percentage of sane Nigerians when she asked:
“MUST FFK SPEAK ON EVERYTHING?”
“There is an ugly duckling that washes toilets in the Villa called Loretta who is running her mouth. Truth is I don’t respond to hired help especially when they look like a used tampon. For me to respond to such an ugly, lousy and shallow creature she would first need to get a facelift and then a big promotion. Let the walking corpse that she works for wake up and speak for itself. Then I will respond.”
“I think there is something that the Federal Government does not want us to know and that is why they are keeping them away. Even when they [the schoolgirls] travelled to Chibok, they were not allowed to go to their houses. They were kept in government facilities in Chibok and anyone who visited them was made to sign a register… and there were certain things that you were not allowed to ask the girls.”
-Peter Joseph, a relative to one of the freed Chibok Girls registered his concerns on Al Jazeera’s The Stream about the Federal Government’s insistence on holding the schoolgirls despite having been released months ago.
“Immediately, I opened the door, he kept beating me. I was begging him and asking why he was beating me. He said he would destroy my face such that no make-up would fix it and destroy my career. He was acting like someone who was possessed… I’m still coughing and sneezing blood even after three weeks.”
–Mercy Aigbe opened up on the events that led to the final breakdown of her marriage and at the same time the abuse she suffered at the hands of her estranged husband, Lanre Gentry.
“If you sat and said nothing, you’d be a coward. That’s it. A coward. If you said #NotAllMen, you’d be a tacit supporter of violence.”
–Justin Irabor added his two cents to the conversation that dominated on the internet this week. He fired at those men who he accused of “virtue-signalling” on account of their decision to remove themselves from the #MenAreScum tidal wave against male privilege, sexual, emotional and domestic abuse against women.
Question: “People, what’s the most appropriate response for ‘How was your night?'”
Answer: “at 11pm, i arose to titrate: 2am saw a fart of moderate proportion; a butt scratch 2hours later ushered in 2 more hours of sleep.”
-Tolu Ogunlesi started a thread of creative responses to the ever-irking question “how was you night” when he asked for the appropriate response to it.
“At 93, there is something that happens to the eyes and the President cannot suffer bright lights. If you look at his poise, he looks down, avoids direct lighting.”
Thanks to George Charamba, you now know that Robert Mugabe doesn’t actually sleep at conferences. Or so he said.
“The claim by the APC national chairman that the party will use Igbo Presidency to finally kill the PDP in the South-East is laughable. Nigeria has never had Igbo presidency in its agenda. So, Igbo man can never be President in Nigeria in 500 years.”
MASSOB through its National Director of Information, Sunday Okereafor said that Igbo men are interested in ruling Nigeria.
“While I am away, the vice-president will coordinate the activities of the government”.
Easily the most troubling thing for politicians across the nation last week, President Muhammadu Buhari’s letter handing over power to Vice President Osinbajo after he took off on his medical follow-up trip last week deviated from the wordings of the old letters that did the same thing. Those read: “while I am away, the vice-president (Osinbajo) will perform the functions of my office.
“The law is very clear about this. When the president is not in, the Vice President steps in. Buhari is not in and Prof. Yemi Osinbajo is the acting President. That is all. The controversy over the content of the letter or the choice of words is needless.”
-NBA Minna branch tried to lay the matter to rest. But because Nigerians are troublesome; so troublesome they started trolling the Vice President, asking him why the President refused to hand over power to him, even he had to weigh in:
He transmitted a letter to the Senate in compliance with S.145 (1) of the 1999 Constitution (as amended).