“Loves me. Love me not. Loves me…”
Ages ago that was how to determine whether your crush was also “crushing” on you. Yes, it was a game, but the depth of the disappointment for “…loves me not” and the height of happiness when you landed on “…loves me” showed how seriously you wanted the assurance of your love. How quickly you ran off to find a flower with the right number of petals to land on “loves me” told how willing you were to do anything to guarantee your love.
Today, we don’t really use flower petals and anymore – instead we are constantly browsing the internet for articles which promise to show ‘How to tell whether your partner loves you’, ‘Sure signs of his affection’, and so on. We put out little tests to see how our partner will react. Or we compare and swap stories with friends to see which lover is the most romantic and who shows the highest indication of love according to all the love stories we see on TV, in novels and in soft sell magazines.
Interesting isn’t it? I mean if they really loved you, would you need the magazines and movies and internet hints to tell you so? How far are you willing to go to make sure that this person loves you?
Love is one of the most basic human emotions and at any point in time; everyone desires the love of another person – of parents and siblings, of friends and lovers, of followers and admirers. We always want to be loved.
This is why when we find ourselves in a relationship we need to make sure that our partner knows that we love them. In Nigeria, we tend to be very inexpressive. I remember my parents doing the whole ‘I love you’ thing only once or so. Don’t ever take it for granted that your partner knows. The fact that you are with someone, or that you pay the rent or that you have not told them you do not love them is not evidence that you love them. Knowing and hoping are two different things entirely. It will not cost you a lot to do so and in fact it can cost you a whole lot more when someone somewhere begins to make your partner feel loved.
You need to say to your partner that you love them, and then you act out your love.
A hasty ‘wham bam thank you ma’am’ will not count as a loving act, so forget that. Think instead, of the “little” things. The consideration and respect you have for them, the attention you give to matters that concern them, the way you touch them (yes believe it or not the non-sexual touch can set you up for some real good loving when night comes). When you pass by her, squeeze her waist and kiss her neck. When you pass by him watching 24 (or something) sit on his lap and kiss his cheek lightly (do this quickly and get up before he can react and trust me, he will not stop thinking about you all day).
Even if the initial reaction is surprise and aloofness, you will soon find that little shows of affection will become part and parcel of your lives. One spark will quickly light you both up and you will find that it pays you both to say ‘I love you’ in word and deed. At the end of the day, human beings really just want to be loved.