by Oreoluwa Fakorede

the final version of Baby Face is just as crappy as the studio demo: same nonsensical lyrics replete with forced, unintelligent rhymes; same cliched instrumental. I don’t do this often, so pay close attention.

This is not about the quality of the song you’ve been squabbling over so irresponsibly, but just so we’re clear, the final version of Baby Face is just as bad as the studio demo: same nonsensical lyrics replete with forced, unintelligent rhymes; same cliched instrumental. Both should have been filed under ‘Never To Be Released’ and forgotten. Ask Flavour N’abania how songs of that kind are done. He’ll give free lessons just because.

Let the whipping begin.

Shame on you, Don Jazzy. Yes, I’m starting with you because you’re a repeat offender.

Pause. Picture D’banj gloating somewhere in his sprawling resort of a bachelor pad right now, humming the tune of Don’t Tell Me Nonsenseover a glass of Hennessey.

Didn’t you learn anything from the Mo’Hits débâcle of not so long ago?! In about 20 months, you have made a fool of yourself twice, bringing your dirty underwear to Twitter for laundering like it’s your own personal version of Garment Care. You must really think a lot of your 651,750 followers (at 10:57 am on 7/11/2013). Listen, none of them gives an ounce of a damn about you: the brokeasses want free airtime (or ‘credit’, as you very likely call it), the skanks want your goody bag (and I keep asking myself why), the wannabe next-big-things want free beats, and the bloggers/self-styled social media gods want the blessing of traffic that’ll undoubtedly come from publishing the juicy bits of your seemingly amazing life. Nobody. Loves. You. For. You.

Still, you take to your timeline like someone completely ignorant of the way issues of intellectual property theft are dealt with, screaming in 140 characters like an Isale Eko market woman whose bag of hard-earned money was snatched in broad daylight. Excuse me, did you sell fish at Obalende in another life? That is not the way of a true don, but then again, you’re no don.

I’ll quote myself to you in the tweet below:

Get a lawyer, get a publicist and get a stylist! Music is business, damn it!

— Oreoluwa Fakorede (@OreFakorede) November 5, 2013

Michael, you’re the freaking business. Quit whining like a little ‘female dog’ and get a grip on your bloody self, man!

*water break*

Hey, Wande Coal, what’s good? Wait, don’t reply that.

The real question is, what possessed you to recreate another man’s song and take full credit without his express permission?! What you’re hawking as your song is clearly a cover of someone else’s song! You lifted the lyrics, had Davido’s favourite producer refine the instrumentals and you were on your merry way. You should have been gracious enough to include ‘Don Jazzy Cover’ in the title of your ‘new’ song.

And, Wande, your 140-character defence is that you ‘served’ the Don for ten years? Were you working as his manservant this whole time? Polishing his pointy shoes, maybe? Or perhaps cooking his meals? You’re grown, Wande, and you should recognise crap when you’re the one typing it.

No court will accept that as justification for theft.

On that matter of your new music label, I’m happy for you. Really, I am. It’s really, really, really cool that your first power move is this crap you’ve pulled. Would you sign artistes to your label and have them pass off other people’s work as their own? That’s a sure way to prosper.

As you both were.

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 Ore Fakorede tweets from @OreFakorede

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.