We bring you a roundup of some of the most popular yet totally laughable stories that made the rounds this week – all the things your regular newsmakers said or did that made for the biggest and most awkward LOL moments.
President Buhari was cloned in London
Former Niger Delta militant leader, Asari Dokubo paid keen attention to President Muhammadu Buhari’s Independence Day speech and he deduced only one thing: The President was cloned. The man that you all see in Aso Rock, the one you all call ‘president’? He’s not real. He’s the product of a scientific process that had to be done so Nigerians can shut up about Buhari’s whereabouts.
We wonder how many copies of the President was made!
Patience Jonathan = Michelle Obama
There’s no way we would have imagined that the day would come when we’d use the words, Patience Jonathan in the same sentence as Michelle Obama. But Madam Patience made it happen, didn’t she?
She said, “Michelle Obama campaigned vigorously for her husband’s party during their last Presidential election, but we are yet to see President Donald Trump move against her.”
Who will tell this woman she’s completely missing the point? Meanwhile, Patience Jonathan ≠ Michelle Obama.
President Trump trampled on hurricane victims
If we really had to put this list together every week (which we will), President Donald Trump would make it to every edition.
Puerto Rico was hit by Hurricane Maria last week and after days of ignoring them and calling the San Juan mayor “nasty”, Trump finally made his way to the island; to do greater damage.
First, he said Puerto Rico’s crisis was throwing the federal budget “a little out of whack”, then he compared the crisis to Hurricane Katrina, “If you look at the — every death is a horror — but if you look at a real catastrophe like Katrina, and you look at the tremendous — hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people that died. And you look at what happened here with really a storm that was just totally overpowering. Nobody’s ever seen anything like this. What is your death count? Sixteen people certified. Sixteen people versus in the thousands. You can be very proud. Sixteen versus literally thousands of people. Everybody around this table and everybody watching can really be proud of what’s taken place”.
But that’s not the most absurd thing he did. While handing out relief materials to the victims, Trump flung toilet papers at the crowd. It’s hard to believe but he did.
President Buhari’s blood pressure is directly attached to one thing
Thanks for letting us know, Amaechi.
The president’s blood pressure will shoot to the sky if he is not briefed on the progress being made in the railway sector. The Transport Minister said, “Don’t forget that the president sleeps and wakes up thinking about railway and if his BP will not rise, I must see him and tell him how far we’ve progressed”.
We certainly can make a list of other very important reasons the president needs to stay awake while his blood pressure makes a run for the skies.
Poor quality yam?
Can we ever get anything right as a nation?
We won’t know the original intent behind the United States’ decision but they rejected our yam exports due to poor quality.
Nigeria has become such a joke we can’t even grow good yams? Okay! Someone pass me my cup of crude oil, lemme take a sip.