Temitope Shittu-Alamu: Guy-to-girl rules of engagement

Nobody just shows up by my front door, let alone a random guy that didn’t succeed at getting my phone number the first day. It’s bad behaviour.

I find both funny and insulting that in this day and age, some guys still stand by the corner of a street, behind a (rickety) car, and wearing oversized t-shirts, accessorised with dull copper and gold coloured chains, whistling at ladies as they walk by. Then follow-up with, “Hello my angeh,” in that very igbotic accent. It beats me. As if that isn’t enough, they do this ‘swaggerless’, hula-hoop bounce, and start trailing behind you. You know that sound of a buzzing bee by your window? That’s exactly how it feels to me.

It’s cool to have attention from guys, of course. I mean ladies are to be sought after, not the other way round. But in seeking after a lady, no matter the cadre she belongs to in the society, guys abeg, have some respect. Even if she sells pepper by the roadside, don’t whistle at her. Don’t make those funny sounds like, “heisssss,” or do that silly thing y’all do with your lips like you are about to kiss an elephant. It’s just plain disrespectful.

No one is saying you can’t chat a random lady up. But don’t take the liberty and then begin a conversation with the popular but ridiculous lines like, “My name is Romanus may I have your number to know you better?” Haba bros. First off, your Romanus name is a no no. And then you have no business asking for her number upfront. This is the same lady you just whistled at. Please, give me a break.

On the flip side, I have heard many ladies say that no guy should ask for any lady’s number on the first meeting. Okay, ladies let’s calm down. Cut these guys some slack. For instance, you just met a guy through your friend, and you guys have hung out all day. He has paid for your ice cream, paid for you to see Avengers, and now he’s buying dinner at Barceló’s to top up the day. You have not refused any, he’s now asking for your number and you are squeezing face? Please.

Anyway today isn’t about the ladies it’s about you guys. When you are talking to a lady, you should look over her shoulders or at her face. If you are too shy to look at her face, you have no right to even be speaking to her. If you don’t know, it is very rude and absolutely wrong to keep looking below her neck line especially in a drowsy way. Jeez, get a grip, man.

If you are very outspoken and just keep feeling the compulsive need to meet all the ladies on your street, it’s okay. Just don’t be waiting in funny corners or heading straight to her house like you are the one paying her rent.

A guy once boldly came by my house in the hope of arranging a second date. I thought that was very uncalled for, and somewhat creepy. I stood by my door a few seconds staring at him and trying to decide what would be just perfect to say to him. Out of fury, in those few seconds my head had actually rehearsed all the African Magic lines and action I could remember. In the end I just nicely told him, “I’m sorry, I can’t let you in.”

Nobody just shows up by my front door, let alone a random guy that didn’t succeed at getting my phone number the first day. It’s bad behaviour. You guys can take it or leave it.

Whatever it is you are looking for in a lady, be it a playmate, someone to be eating suya with you every night or an additional BBM contact, just know that respect is important. It determines who falls for those guy tricks you put up, no matter how tired or worn.


Temitope Shittu-Alamu, is a writer, an eclectic public speaker and master of ceremonies with a degree in History and International Relations. Passionate about the media and of a strong belief that “it is my platform to building the Nigeria of my dreams”.  She hosts an annual Christmas show on television. She loves God. She loves people too.

Did she mention that she love garri? Wow, it keeps her going. She blogs at http://eclectictope.wordpress.com/


Comments (9)

  1. I choose to believe the sort of guys that still hang around corners whistling @ ladys n catching their attention by shouting "heisss" won't be reading this.. [Hand covering eyes].. I totally agree with you tho..

  2. Nice piece aunty. Gess d summary is dat dudes shud ave sm respect 4 themselves. Lol

  3. Particularly love d part on d ladies! Posing after spending d guy's money! Kmt!

  4. LMAOOOOOO, nice one, very nice one.

  5. @name not required,ohh tnk u!I so hate d pet names too.thot it ws just me.as in,helloooo!dude,don't call me angel or baby.mscheew. Tnx for dis piece Tope,wish those 'males' that do these cld read this.

  6. This is long overdue. The one that vexes me most is when a guy you just met starts "winking" @ you….what the heck does that mean? That you want to have sex with me or what? Wait wait wait! There's this other one of calling me "babe". Hello! I just met you, you have no right to use pet names…yes I'm vexed, vexed gan….but its true oh, girls can form too much too. If you like the dude, you berra give him your number. It may be forever before you meet him again and by then he may be hooked up…ok, name not required is talking too much…I'm out!

  7. Bravo! Really funny. Jeez, lol. Another beautiful piece!!

  8. I'm so with you on this. Its hilarious yet true. I hit the last word with my gavel. We should establish a school to teach guys these BASIC human relation skills. Social Graces must find its way to Secondary School Curriculum and probably replace Mathematics!!!

    But the fella dint pick out "Romanus" from the "nameshop"…it was imposed on him.lol

  9. Lol! Very funny piece. But down to earth. Great one Tinuke.

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