[The Sexuality Blog]: Older Nigerian women are finally speaking up on sexual abuse

Nigeria has a code of silence. Heavily influenced by Nigeria’s strong familial society, we are encouraged from a very young age to put the dignity of the family above self-preservation, to keep quiet about injustices and slights if it will paint the entire family in a bad light. This culture of silence has only helped normalise things that should ordinarily be publicly condemned, horrible things with far-reaching consequences. One of those things is the epidemic of sexual and physical abuse that Nigerian women and children are overwhelmingly exposed to. But finally, that code of silence is being overwritten.

Kemi Adetiba’s King Women, for all its flaws, has done one very, very important thing. It has for the very first time, without shock value or he said, she said politicking, allowed high-profile women to tell their personal stories of struggle and triumph. Of the 8 women she has interviewed so far, two (Ayodeji Megbope and T.Y. Bello) have spoken publicly about being subjected to years of sexual abuse as children. Both have spoken about how the abuse and the culture of silence helped allow the abuse continue when it should have been stopped, how it forced them to stay silent about what happened to them for decades. It is amazing to see them revisit these intensely personal episodes in their lives, but heartbreaking that they had to silently endure for so long.

But they aren’t the only older women speaking up on abuse. There was the Big Brother incident with T.Boss where she was sexually assaulted by a fellow housemate, the stories of Tonto Dike, Mercy Aigbe, Tiwa Savage who all were married to abusive husbands and felt trapped and unable to leave.

As more women come out and break the code of silence that allow these injustices continue, they provide an alternative example for younger women, an example that is vital if they are going have better, healthier relationships with the men around them. No one should be forced to speak when they are not ready, but these women’s sacrifices are important for changing the narrative around abuse.

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