Every day on the Nigerian Internet, there are people who keep our eyes glued to our phone screens as we read their rants, opinions, perspectives on political and social issues, etc. Sometimes, they are just downright ridiculous. We make it our job to take down the names of these noisemakers.

Here are the ones we saw today:

Please be veeerrryyy careful at parties. Some people tried to drug me twice at Mainland Block Party. Second attempt i felt an insect entered my drink but it was a drug. First attempt the guy really assumed i was going to pick the drink i dropped on the chair i was sitting on.

— Maxime (@maxxeene) March 4, 2019

If we say men are trash now, they will abuse us.

Nobody:…

OAPs: “Alright, right about now bla bla bla …”

— Vive Le Roi (@0lukayode) March 4, 2019

…we gonna go for a commercial break. Don’t touch dat dial.

I have never understood the Nigerian obsession with nudity, especially when it comes to exposing alleged crimes, offences & acts of infidelity. We are so obsessed with nudity one would think we are pre-pubescent teens who just discovered puberty & it’s effects.

— Usman Shamaki (@aushamaki) March 4, 2019

Perverts, all of them.

You do not possess the adequate facial/bodily features to demand a token of such magnitude from me.

— Chemical Brother ? (@chemicalbrodar) March 4, 2019

You are too proud. Goat.

I know some men will not believe this but there are women out there who only wants better fingering and multiple orgasms.
Is that too much to ask for? ?

— The Name Is Kachi (@BekaKaima) March 4, 2019

You must be Oliver Twist. Is one orgasm not enough?

Those of you that were club boys while we were in UNI. Hope you own clubs now ????

— Big Daddy K! (@sir_kenayo) March 4, 2019

How does partying amount to one owning a club? Where is your sense?

Big announcement in a fewwwww.. I’m excited about this one.. ??

— MAYORKUN (@IamMayorKun) March 4, 2019

We are holding our breaths.

I woke up this morning looking for new Wizkid music.

Hurry up!

— Joey Akan (@JoeyAkan) March 4, 2019