by Ifreke Inyang [@ifreke]

[ 3rd Jan 2011 –  8th Jan 2011 ]

MONDAY: “Gud mornin tweeps…hols r ova…its bak to hustle…paper chasin…av a lovely day ahead!” @brainchyld007 tweeted as the holidays thinned out. @Possicon was interested in what other tweeps were doing. He asked in his tweet, “Hey guys, today is first working day of d year, r u at work or still av 1 more week to resume?” Some tweeps had one more day to and their depression about that fact made @bubusn’s timeline boring. “My TL’s looking a bit dreary today,” he complained. “People feeling depressed that work begins tomorrow? :D” For @som1twisted, he was off to school. His tweet read: “Ota bound till July means I’ll be comin bk home in July…nt dt I won’t enta gidi til then o..haba…” @I_am_JimmyD’s  trip had delays though. “So we cldnt land in Enugu cos of d weather..shit reminds me of London..we back in Gidi..shld take off soon..” he tweeted. @iamVIDI planned to hit a service provider’s office. “I paid for ma Visafone browsing whatever and its acting up! I wanna tweet via web for a change! Straight to their office tomorrow!” he declared.

TUESDAY: @theDUKEtito’s internet was functioning well. But he didn’t plan to check up a rumour that was sent as a broadcast message. “Another Bbm mesg!..”Pls Google May 21st 2011″..until I knw what its about,, I’m nt going anywhere near dat browser!” he fumed. @NerdyGunner googled it and the results apparently showed the world would end on May @1st 2011. He laughed it off in his tweet. “Whatever happened to 2012? Now it’s May 21, 2011? iLaugh!”. @Ebukar searched for something else and didn’t find it. He tweeted: “I spent d whole day lukin for a cheap hotel..nd I culdnt find one. Dnt ask me y I ws luking forr a cheap hotel.. :|” @SpeakyourMindd however gave us some interesting information even when we didn’t ask. “I’m doing Brazilian Hair.. And NO!, No man paid for me, I ddnt fuck for it,  gold dig from no1.. I actually withdrew money frm GTbank!” she announced. @BabaOloriokoBB gave us an idea of what he would do if he got a huge sum of money. “If I won d lottery.. I will actually buy notjustok, gidilounge n jaguda.com n turn them to hausa porn sites…”

WEDNESDAY: It was quite a huge sum the kidnappers of John Okafor’s (Mr Ibu) wife and child asked for. It practically freaked @Ruggedybaba out. “The kidnappers of Mr. Ibu’s family are asking for N100m. May God kidnap their good health n punish dem accordingly!” he cursed. @Tyvn’s rant was for the guy he shared a room with over the night. “It’s bad enuf I had 2 share my rig room,” he tweeted anrily. “He was snoring d entire night like a pregnant whale! Nw he’s playin some Yoruba incantation shit!”. @MsJazzyfied took out her anger on a social networking site. “Imagine Facebook! I just tried 2 Log in n its says my account is unavailable, idiots cos I was even tryin 2 do y’all a favour! KMT!!!!” she vented. @r2bees reserved his fury till after 90 minutes of a football game. “If Chelsea lose tonight, I go kill somebody walahi!” he threatened. They lost 1-0 to Wolverhampton Wanderers.

THURSDAY: I wouldn’t know if he carried out his threat but tweeps went in hard on the trending topic, #ThingsIWouldNeverDo. @u_ezimah: “#ThingsIWouldNeverDo suck bobby more than 20mins!”, @Suru_Lere: “#ThingsIWouldNeverDo kpansh albino..”, @CuteNaija: “#ThingsIWouldNeverDo Use ankara to sew boxers”, @Abdulrahym: “#ThingsIWouldNeverDo scratch ma balls in public..”. The eye of the public was on Delta state where the re-run elections were taking place. @yung6ix asked tweeps to remember his state in their prayers. His tweet was: “Pls pray 4 ma state… The election is today and we already had two bomb threats and successful attempt this week…God bless Delta State!”

FRIDAY: The prayers were answered and the winner was announced today. “Uduaghan declared winner of Delta re-run election!” @dejifasusi tweeted excitedly. @Ogagus wasn’t too excited for other reasons. “I’m missing out… momsi is in Asaba celebrating with Uduaghan, I for follow… *SadFace*” he tweeted. There was indeed some sad news today. Ex-Super Eagles defender, Uche Okafor was found dead in his Dallas apartment. @ColinUdoh told us a bit about the incident. “He was found hanging at his home. Can’t say at the moment if it was suicide or homicide..”. @kunlebello was at a burial ceremony. “I am currently at the lying-in-state of my guy’s father-in-law. People takin pics of the deceased. Tempted to but naah.. Not everythin is 4 Twitter!” On twitter however, @KellyHansome was receiving serious flak for dissing MI in a new track. “When I checkd @KellyHansome’s twitter page 2days ago, he had 821 followers. Now his senseless tweets has gained him 1283 followers….smh…” @demofoxy tweeted. @Tufab’s opinion was hilarious. “Kelly RAMsome. Behaving like an animal everywhere… Kelechukwu clap 4 ur self! Well done! U’r a Ram in d making..”

SATURDAY: @ACMilandrew was of the opinion that an Arsenal player was another type of animal. “Bendtner is a special kind of mule.” He said in his tweet. @bleezers offered a piece of advice to the coach. “Arsene Wenger shud sell Bendtner and use the money to buy containers of nike and addidas boots!” All of these had to do with his poor showing in the FA Cup in England. The game ended in a draw and a replay is imminent. @aninoritse didn’t find that funny. “Kai!..so we have to go Leeds now?? smh.. All you had to do was bloody score!” All what the tweeps in Lagos did was enjoy the harmattan. “Beautiful weather here in the city of Lagos! Good for a wedding ceremony….*blissful sigh*” @JennipherUkoh tweeted. @Jamilah11 had other ideas though. Her tweet said that much. “This is the type of weather that can cause me to rape any boy that touches me!”

Gbagaun of the Week: Once again, I’ll let you have your pick! Lol!

@OnyxTheFirst: What is this boy find in my house every day?! #kmt!

@ElJayATL: do u think I should lookin into stand-up comedy? am I really that funny?
@KShevShe: Oh iPod!, no one has ever came through as often as you

@IAMDreO: Jesus wept so who am I not to wept

@ThaYaw: I just heard dere’s a time bombing on Lagos Island

@Donjiddy: Charging my i-Pod and it’s not seeming to full…argghh!

@Prodeegy: I wanna follower 50 people now! E fit be u oooo! #Lottery

@diamondabi: How come everytime u suspicious tht mkes me liar??!!

@juicyfinelady: I just discovered ur hating charging ur phone

Recommended: @TericueNaaz is witty, down to earth and drop dead gorgeous! Follow her and she’ll light up your TL!

Quote my tweet: @MI_Abaga: “I challenge anyone here to a game of PES 2010 at my house and I’m willing to put 100k naira down… I’m that good!”

Tweet of the week: @SexyCalabarBoy: “So I threw up that Mr. Biggs rice & chicken.. Thank God it wasn’t KFC..cause I for hold the whatever down..mtchewwww!”

Retweet of the week: @kemdiee asked in her tweet, “Where can I get good akara?”. @kkdonjay retweeted and said, “Shoprite!”

Seriously tweeting: @sfladipo: “My flat mate is touching my ass and commenting on how soft it is.. *bi*#h please I’ll cut ur hand off now!”

Twitter Beef: @ThePervNerd: N if u r a cute chick, I might just follow bk…ok, dts a lie.. I follow unfine chicks too.. 😀

@dharnie: Baba my #ff back naw…plix..*now batting my sexy eyelashes*

@ThePervNerd: I will not follow back for so many reasons!

@dharnie:TPN See if u can’t follow bak jus keep quiet and stop giving speeches!!! Its not by force na…uz not even a celeb sef

@ThePervNerd: *dead*

@dharnie: Gosh!!! I cnt be exchanging words wiv u…im sooo above u so quit cos ull be wasting ur own tym…its an advice b!

@ThePervNerd: *yawns*

@burrafly: Random engineerin boy o, suddenly feeln like a star… Pschww, someone that tweets on cab queue!

@dharnie: Yehhh!!! Lmao…so its true.smh

Twitter Drama: @GbaGaunDeteCtor: ERR WHO U BE??

@ScriptKidd: Uthman….ask google

@GbaGaunDeteCtor: nice one, but I can see ur not dat bright

@ScriptKidd: Yeah….cuz I’m as dumb as ur father

@GbaGaunDeteCtor: tell me u didnt go dere??

@ScriptKidd: Young man gaan tweet at someone else!

@GbaGaunDeteCtor: ur a living proof that man can live without a brain! Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!

@ScriptKidd: Young man back off b4 I descend on you!

@GbaGaunDeteCtor: I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!

@ScriptKidd: *yawnz* You aint close bruddah, try harder

@GbaGaunDeteCtor: I’ve seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission!

@ScriptKidd: You aint close still….hit harder!

@GbaGaunDeteCtor: If I ever need a brain transplant, I’d choose yours because I’d want a brain that had never been used.

@ScriptKidd: You google up insults and expect me to reply you abi?

@GbaGaunDeteCtor: I see u dont hav a reply… fuck off… go and play wit sand

@ScriptKidd: Haha….want me to reply huh? Get real…I dnt do googled insults

@GbaGaunDeteCtor: lolzzz u no even kno me, u dey yarn gutter yarnz, abeg if u no kno pesin dnt talk anyhow!

@ScriptKidd: Who you be? GBAGAUN-DETECTOR? Any value in dat?