by Ifreke Inyang [@ifreke]
[6th June – 11th June, 2011]
MONDAY: “My two 2000 words+ essays are now in the cloud and on my USB ready to print,” @AkinOyedele tweeted happily as the week started. “This weekend of madness is almost over. Good morning.” @som1twisted wasn’t as excited as Akin about the school work he had to do. His tweeted: “I rily hate when I don’t read 4 days prior 2 an exam n I now av to read ovanyt 4 d bloody exam…. Done with chapter 8. On to chapter 7.” @ormainy was glad she found her missing stuff. “After retracing my steps 4 d last 5 days,I saw my Diary/day planner at d bank!” she announced excitedly. “Thank God Nigerians don’t read I wuda bin done for!” Tweeters told us what they would do for 65 million dollars with the trending topic, #For65MillionDollars. @hitman_nnamdi: “#For65MillionDollars I’d run thru IRAQ with a ‘I love BUSH’ shirt on!!!”, @Iam_Mel: “#For65MillionDollars I’ll catch a grenade!”
TUESDAY: The amount that trended on twitter today was N5,000, the alleged cost of Wizkid’s new album. @tsleekSB_Boss: “#With5k I can straff 5 Unilag babez. 1 Shawarma & Soft Drink per One. #GoFigure!”, @baffy072: “#With5k I go buy new charger and one earpiece still buy alomo and asun..”. @tyrunsewe didn’t understand what all the ill feeling was about. “Why are people catching feelings on top this matter?” he asked. “Does Wizkid know what your fifth toe looks like? There’s no need for the brain aneurysm!” @itsjustAYO was quick to make his point and clear the air. “No hating here! Respect to Wizkid’s hussle. Dat album can’t be compared to MI2, super c season and Mushin to Mohits.. Una for kuku put beautiful imperfection na..!” he tweeted. @KevinWithAnL felt we should be talking about two anniversaries and not Wizkid. “But why are we talking about Weezky?” he asked in his tweet. “We all forgot Abacha’s remembrance and it’s Abiola’s own tomorrow o!”
WEDNESDAY: @tomwah_’s concern was the females he was meeting these days. He sounded worried in his tweet. “Why am I meeting a lot of ladies with hair on either their chest or their cheeks these days? Ah nkan nbe o….” @DrewBaba was furious with a network provider. “So I Got an Airtel line. I spent 5hrs and it refused to activate.. So am back on Mtn *sigh* My credit don waste!” he tweeted angrily. @Yolnizzle knew exactly who wasted his water. “So no water in the dispenser.. I’m sure it was that fat lady that used everything to ‘tamba’!!!” he tweeted. @Kemmiiii came to the conclusion that there was no use setting alarms again for herself. “Sleeping and planning to wake up to read later doesn’t work for me,” she tweeted. “I’m immune to alarms…sleep over powers all!”
THURSDAY: @Sal_VaDoR_ had no choice but to accept some conditions before his mother served him. “So I had to agree to terms and conditions before eating my own mother’s food today! Smh!” he tweeted. @Gr8ight was left wondering if there was some form of criteria for potential customer care agents to meet before they’re employed. He asked in his tweet: “Wait, is there a rule dat d guyz who apply 4 jobs as customer care agents in these network companies must sound like bloody imbeciles? Kmt!” Tweeters instead told us about what people could do to be classified as foolish with the trending topic, #YouAreFoolish. @glitterrz: “#YouAreFoolish if you lie about stuffs on twitter….Are u mad?? Who knows you?”, @Ms_gechiify: “#YouAreFoolish if u stay awake watching BBA housemates sleep.”, @bawsegaga: “#YouAreFoolish If you ask, ‘Why’ when someone ask you to Follow Back.”
FRIDAY: The questions tweeters were asking today was with the trending topic, #AskDonJazzy. @G_thangs: “#AskDonJazzy, me and Ikechukwu beat up Dbanj some months ago :|”, @sexyweetney: “#AskDonJazzy I taught him how to singcry”, @oyeendar: #AskDonjazzy He used to buy condoms from my Mallam…”, @mzz_ada01: “#AskDonJazzy Av paid his BIS before ☺” Those tweets were as a result of Don Jazzy’s confirmation that he was entered into a partnership with Kanye West’s GOOD Music. The question @Cindii001 wanted an answer to however, was : “I want a cute little baby girl…extremely cute nd polite wit pretty hair.. Who wants to give me belle????”
SATURDAY: @PengBoiz didn’t want a sarcastic answer to the question he asked in his tweet. “So where exactly can I buy the #SuperStar Album? And at Apapa to be precise? P.S: dnt cc Google, thnx.” @SIREradical was on his way elsewhere and had to deal with some offensive odour. “All dis smelling conductor sef, na wa o… It’s too early for all dis odour na…… Haba!” @Suru_lere was hesitating in starting his blog because of fear of backlash. “With all dis yappin of blog posts here n there, I really wanta go open mine, but erm… I and I both know say na gbagaun go full there.” He tweeted. The Teslim Balogun Stadium was filled today with friends and fans of Kanu Nwankwo who came to watch him end his fantastic career with the National team. @oluwashina was delighted that he saw a lot of popular football stars in one game. “Wen I die at the age of 100, I’ll be grateful to God dat I watched Kanu, Okocha, Eto’o, Fadiga, Song, Adebayor, Rufai in one game!’ he tweeted.
Gbagaun of the week: Take your pick!
@MuahYourMines: Don’t Normally Take Meds But My Eyes Are Water and I Can’t Sleep This Headache Off 🙁
@mrFortei: Sadly enoff I knw I wuld hungry arnd 2a.m
@mosimi20: I total love dis Bruno Mars song ft Eminem Lighter
@_Gentlewoman_x: I haven’t heard Wizkid’s new sing
@FoluOyefeso: I’m yawn but I’ve been sleep most of the day
@Fab_Monique: They will soon false me to become a superstar,we all have our different opinion
@Geh_Toh_Badt: @dimeji26 Y did u said dat?
@ezemagic: KevinWithAnL she will called “Awake beauty
@brain_freez_: I’m means as a scorpion
@iAmOlusegun: Im soooo nice so if you lose my as a freind thats your own Lose
@wizkidayo: WIZKID’S SUPERSTAR ALBUM IS OUT NOW!!! GET YOUR COPY ON NOTJUSTOK.COM IF YOU’RE NOT NIGERIA!!! #WIZKIDSUPERSTAR
@adeolaridgeline: Workin wit a freaks, one talks shit d oda shits too much.
@i_am_syne: this boring is too much
@Akpraise: I am a Nigeria till I die
@O_okHeedjay: #yiPEe @naramine will buying me pizza….
@FruittySwaqBoii: I wasn’t came to tweet
@iamigbin: Can a Corruption be stop in Nigeria
@AdedoyinHazel: I quickly ignored the thought,..I mean, her ass was small. Why would I bothered smiling at it? :/
@BooThatsHowiam: You can’t just keep play with someone’s feelings because you are unsure about your own.
@BigBroAfrica: Chat Room: Danny loves the St. Nowhere Task and finds Alex playing a women very funny.
@Tobski7: the family has keeped it up
@Isiemiakee: Most tmes we hv an option yet we still choice 2 mk our life complicated
@flylaby: Woman sends away son cos he misplaced 6k and he roaming around Kuramo presently.
Recommended: Follow @deveed1, @iamDeeTyson and @BragginRightz this week and ask for a follow back.
Rant of the week: @elbama: You’ve been in the game for years….is that y we’re here? Do u have Jay Z’s BB pin? Have u had lunch with him? Have u signed a deal with him? Kmt!
Tweet of the week: @MoPanache: My BBM status might show what music I’m listening to but really it doesn’t mean I’m available to chat…
Retweet of the week: @dprincemohits tweeted: “God will never let his children down.. so many reasons to be excited!” . @kkdonjay retweeted and said: “Dey Didn’t Sign You na *_* “
Seriously tweeting: @tyrunsewe: All u girls that make it your career to be stealing other people’s boyfriends, God is on the throne oh! Just know that. #AsYouWere
Quote my tweet: @DONJAZZYMOHITS: Oh yeah & 4 TV, radio & newspapers, my 3 yrs silence from d press is up. I’ve started granting interviews if u re still interested. IDJA. Hehe
Foot Note: Many thanks to @PengBoiz for providing some of the tweets used in this roundup. You too can become a YNaija twirrespondent. It’s quite easy. Get funny, witty and interesting tweets from your timelines and send them to me.