Ifreke Inyang [@ifreke]
[20th June – 25th June, 2011]
MONDAY: “A new week!!!! New possibilities, new frontiers to conquer, new U… Let’s go out there and get em!!! YES WE CAN!!!” @EVANAIJA tweeted as the new week swung by. @AndyMadaki wasn’t one of those who would be going anywhere. He told us why in his tweet: “Feels good to have Monday as a day off work… *Yawn* … Now searching for Game of Thrones Season finale before @Mam_oose tweets spoilers..” @bizzybodi was going on with full force to search for his debtor. “This guy thinks he has successfully dodged me all these weeks,” he tweeted angrily. “He’ll be shocked today!” @meziebu was angry about something else. “So while I was sleeping, my gf took 5K from my wallet without my permission and left? Kmt!”
TUESDAY: @LalaGidiBoi was angry because his time was being wasted. “ In this BUS … Chaiiii…. This Bus is taking forever to load….. Mehn….. I wish I knew directions to where I was going…smh!” he tweeted. @walegates didn’t like the news he just got. “Heard Fashola has given LASTMA pips digital cameras 2take pictures of traffic offenders,” he tweeted. “And it is wit d pic d police wld go & mk arrests. BULLSHIT!” It wasn’t because of traffic that @trafels got to the office late. He was left ruing what the end of the month will bring. “Late again as usual, at this rate (with the deduction stuff going on), I might end up gettin only qtr of my salary at the end of the month” he said in his tweet. @Jamilah11 got to work early but couldn’t stay long because of some discomfort. She told us about it in her tweet: “Mehn this dysmenorhea thing is just crazy!! I had to work half day today.. Almost died last night also.. Never cried from pains like dat.”
WEDNESDAY: @ToolzO was travelling somewhere else and was being delayed because of a request for bribe. “Friggin customs officer (or whatever he is) telling me it’s illegal to travel with a mirror in my handbag so I shld let him ‘hold something’ to allow me take it – oloshi!” she fumed. @exschoolnerd got to where she was going early but she didn’t meet the person who fixed the appointment. “Well spank me and call me Amarachi, I cnt f**king believe it…D person I woke up 7am for entered d rain n gt wet 2 my pant for is nt around” she tweeted in anger. The downpour was so heavy that @ALIBABAGCFR was forced to tweet: “This rain… Someone pls confirm if Adeboye is building an ark…” Of course he wasn’t, neither was @Ms_Sweetns sending some of the DMs her followers were getting. She tweeted a disclaimer: “Pls ignore any DM from me saying ppl are saying nasty things about u, I didn’t send dem, Twitter has gone mad!”
THURSDAY: @skilful_laykon was crazy about his new contact who was distracting him. “Just found dis hot sizzling girl on bbm. She’s all up in ma brain dat I don’t rememba 2 tweet,” he told us in his tweet. For those who remembered to tweet however, they went in hard on the trending topic, #USDeportationPlaylist. @OfficialKaphone: “#USDeportationPlaylist SoundSultan – MotherLand”, @Mr_Dibbz: “#USDeportationPlaylist Shey Na Like This We Go Dey Dey? – Wande Coal”, @itsJustAyo: “#USDeportationPlaylist Naeto C – Voodoo”. @DONJAZZYMOHITS didn’t have any business with their playlists as he was actually on his way to the US and he planned to meet some of his fans. “My NY tweeps, pls DM ur numbers oh so we can hang out. Think I will be around for a while. Osheee IDJA” he said in his tweet.
FRIDAY: @Lagoshunter was more interested in Lagos and he tweeted a prayer. It said: “Dear Lagos, please be nice to me cos the Lord knows I definitely can’t take any of your bullshit today.” @Illuminatish however was missing the city. “#Random. Only thing I miss in Lagos now is d access to Horlicks. It’s such a big issue here! Tomorrow, “we don’t have” lo si ma so!” he tweeted. He didn’t tell us where he was but @SlimmyJ_Mac_C9 felt most people especially girls live a fake life back home in Nigeria. “I’ve seen many Naija girls enter buses in Jand,” he told us. “But when they come to Nigeria, they’re too tush for bus even BRT self! Smh!” @PengBoiz however tweeted about some guy who wasn’t only cool with taking bikes but carrying the helmet about. “I just saw a guy bouncing with helmet on,” he tweeted. “Niggar 4got to hand it over to d okada man Lool!”
SATURDAY: One thing @iamseunk never forgets whenever he boards a train with strange looking people is pray. “Everytime I’m with these Osama looking guys in the train, I pray for forgiveness of sins in my mind…Just 2 be on the safe side n make Heaven..” he said in his tweet. The JAMB results were released the previous day and candidates who wrote the exams were praying for good marks. @irepunited tweeted about her sister who passed. Her tweet said: “See what JAMB has turned people to…my sister shedding tears of joy tori exam lasan lasan! We thank God sha!” Another person who also cried tears of joy, was the lady who represented Taraba in this year’s Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria. She emerged the winner of the pageant and apparently, she wasn’t tweeters’ favourite to win. “I’m shocked that people are yet to realise that MBGN winner is picked before the main show sef.” @Miss_Jayla fumed. @T_Villle told us in his tweet about another of the girls who had been selected for endorsement. “I heard GLOBACOM just signed MISS ENUGU on a 5-year contract to use her forehead as billboard!”
Gbagaun of the week: Have your pick!
@lilrash4real: Twitter is a continues n random event of probs
@deolujames: Lmao pips here finks I’m mad
@joe4jah: If u hate me, u’re might not live long. Beware!
@Ebukar: Thinking of braiding my hear….hmmm
@Ms_konyin: Awww would dedicated ma 11111th tweet to @seentiya…luv ya
@leksdraplord: Please go and learn manner of approaching!!!
@BossyLaydi: And old things have passes away…
@lala_syrupkid: Hpe David Guetta aint Died. I love dat Guy’s Mix
@tayomouthed: Am Not going 2 pingin U!!!
@Passport_Vixen: These girl are like 14 years old and have children….
@Akpraise: What was OBAMA before he become a presidence.?
@iamKshawn: Still up but wish I was sleep…..FML!
@babscanny: this is serious o!!!! The thunder just shaked my house and broke my windows
@sihle_c: When god was make me. He was show off! Dnt jelos me!
@yandevallarie: @BankyW when are he ever gonna RT me!!!! :'(
@NaturallyWet: Why am I woke??
@Life_IsTooShort: Nigerina songs have a way of not apealling to me. Lol
@gent2mann: I am feels lyk tweetingfight somebody 2dy!
@Tee_Magma: Pls, Wot Is A Meaning Of A #GBAGAUN?
@sarzoo: @DONJAZZYMOHITS Dis guy is a artistic…..see what he draw yesterday
@Suru_lere: When m close to defeat, I rose to my feet.
@Sir_Iyke_VGBG: My strength will never left me
@roqibah: @IAmSodiq Am go 2 lag bt wil cme 2 ur place 1st
@ChriSwagglord: Am allergy to some warm holes…eg nyash
@seguex: My girl is fight me just a call 4 day dat I didn’t call
@mzz_kafie: So, I miss dami kush A LOT. I cld got to leeds to c him right now 😐
@seyizy: #QUICK #QUESTION: Please can ą Virgins claim to be horny?
@ttopsy: @DONJAZZYMOHITS Am expected ur acceptance on bb pls accept and made my days.
@KourtneyIfy: @DONJAZZYMOHITS I lyk ur pose-ing here… Ȋ̊† wld be very nice tσ meet u ιи human. Lol
@Abdullahidabai: I enjoy myself becouse am the last burn in my house, so if you want to enjoy more than me tak a gun and kill
@JussBasco: I usually sponsors people in whatever they want to does
@lozun2580: You cannot climb a smooth mountain. You cant getting to the top wivout challenges.
@ashasomugha: Wen Is @DONJAZZYMOHITS realising a nu song?
@In_Kush_We_Trus: The lices in my hair is now many
@ThisIsSesmo: Imagine we Nigerians dint speak or understood English at all..so all deez tweets go be for yoruba,ibo,ijaw,egba,takpa…etc.. #ThankYouLord
@Mayahz: I hate my bb is being hang, so damn sucks
@monti200: Well done bafana!! U are makes up proud
@tk4real: I’m love this rain mehn….
@T_buoy: Fuck m so bored… Who’s in unilag or shld I jst got 2 @kokolounge
@flyephy: All dis gbagauns to @DONJAZZYMOHITS is cracking me up heavily. Hw do people came up wit left english like dis
Recommended: Follow @AyoNaledi, @chinnydiva and @AamyBanks and ask for a follow back!
Rant of the week: @Roteame: Wizkid is gay… Na u dey fuck am? U catch am with ur papa? Abeg jos sharrap. If u want followers beg and stop tryna forM E-News jor
Tweet of the week: @Valentine937: A Warri girl got pregnant. When asked who was responsible, she said “If u chop plate of beans how u wan take know which seed make u mess?
Retweet of the week: @MrGbagaun said in his tweet, “Goin 2 twit jail. Brb.” @bleezers retweeted and said, “U get 350 tweets u wan go twit-jail oya sit __”
Seriously tweeting: @Kemmiiii: I’m not going to buy suya from this aboki again….he was calling me big bobee…he now changed mouth that he was saying big baybee.. Scam.
SUBstance: @elbama: Someone on my TL is dissing d way d MBGN girls r dancing. Meanwhile, this girl when she dances, it’s like her legs r fighting against each other.
Quote my tweet: @loiseljswag: If u askd 4 my pin nd I didn’t giv u pls dnt gt vexed? I’m actually doin u a favor, I’m plain boring on bbm #thatisall
Did you miss this tweet? @iAmSorrell: The girl with BB pin:23A16EA4 #WelcomeToTwitter for sending me a dull BC! Pls RT
@MsSwanky: Just so u knw..if u judge ♏ε by my tweets…ur far frm discovring ma name let alone ♏ε! *tongues out*
@iamMuizRossBoss: Janta, dat dead babe de tasi u sha lo
@MsSwanky: Who are these vagabonds claiming thy seen ♏ε b4..Isn’t this pathetic* evn ur frnds knw u famz n lie a lot! Solitary looser*
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MsSwanky *not intrested* kmt
@MsSwanky: GTFOH looser!
@iamMuizRossBoss: See dis dirty Lookin b*tch callin her fada looser *spits*
@MsSwanky: Hoodrat* stp famzn! Just walk away b4 I finish ur life here…mehn! Google ma surname n confirm ur blabbn at* ur an empty barrel whom I shudn gv attention cuz thts ur way of life here! #getarealone PS: u make me wna puke!
@MsSwanky: This hoodrat has grown wings* ..u dnt evn hv an identity frm ur handle n evn the real ross isn’t black! u opnd ur decayd mouth 2say some1 is dead! It shws ur really fresh frm ur avy! Platonic bastard with an oozing salivating mouth*
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MsSwanky foool cox u use ur best cloth to take a pic doesn’t mke u a Big gurl! U dead mofo! Or u fink I dnt knw u ??? FoooooooL
@MsSwanky: Hahahha! My best clothes!! Is the best u got! Ur ϑ dumb fuckn arse! Mediocre fool thnks he knws the first tin bou ♏ε! Ma pics! Is this the best one u got? Hahahh! Ur blockd head shuda find smfn better buh yet again! Ur blck up thr!
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MsSwanky lmao see dis dirty pig tweetin shits at me! U r formin here! U lowlife b*tch dat fcuks for BIS! Hungry B*tch
@MsSwanky: @iamMuizRossBoss ur a fuckn blockd headed scum! Ur thnkn is more shallowin thn a rodent! Gosh! So cuz I took fine piks! U thnk I use ma best clothes! Shows how much u claim u knw ♏ε! Munch on smfn else nymph!
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MsSwanky bring more on! I’ll open ur dirty Ass to the world! U Looser! U fink u can fcuk wif me! I’m nt in ur League
@MsSwanky: @iamMuizRossBoss this illiterate just sed I use ma best piks! Why not! I’m a pretty babe n its proven! Let’s chk ur avy! Shit! I cnt evn look! Orang-utan*
@iamMuizRossBoss: I’m goin Hard on dis dead b*tch trynna diss me! U hungry B*tch
@MsSwanky: This blabber just confessed his I oppress him with ma piks by indirectly sayn I use ma finest clothes! #bitchslapped @iamrossboss get a life n stp running aftr pples avy here oo! Oops! U hurt?
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MsSwanky u can’t foool me with ur Avatar, I knw u! U r a dirty n hungry gurl… U fcuk for BIS!!
@MsSwanky: Lool..it’s hurtn u cuz girls fool u to pay for theirs! Bitch!! Lame arse beggn pple arnd to date him lik u’v benn infectd! Ur so ugly I cn evn fig out ur looks! Oh yes! U feel dumb wen my tweets clogg ur competence! Dude! It’s a cliche sayn pple ┌П┐(•_•)┌П┐ arnd fr BIS! its obvi u’v lost ur sanity thts why twittr tks anyone this days!
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MsSwanky Ms Wanker or wah do u call ursef! Bring it on.. I’ll open ur dirty ASS
@MsSwanky: Ur defo nt I’m ma league cuz u’v always been way bck! In the quarter bench waitn arnd lik a dog to be cald! Bluff al u wnt! I cnt be botherd! Hv nvr seen ur crooky wrinkled haggy skin b4! Gosh! Ur skin is pretty! Are u mercy johnson’s bro! Autograph pls! Nigga! Skunk!
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MsSwanky sure! I’m nt in ur League! U r a poor hungry b*tch tht fcuks to get all ur Needs! I’m livin betta dan ur Father #RogerThat
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MsSwanky I cnt even Fcuk u not to talk of ma father! Ur p***y got Infections cox u share toilet wif d whole pple on Aiyetoro str
@MsSwanky: I see ur pissd! Ur jobless! Heya! Ur stl a famzer sha* keep ranting* pathetic gigolo. Whoring…@iamMuizRossBoss the only one u keep sayn is dirty! Is tht al u’v got in ur vocab? Maniac!
@MsSwanky: @iamMuizRossBoss lemme bless wf the grace to rant! I’m gon leave u cuz ur bcm boring! U rant! U nag! U wank! U ooz! U salivate! U irritate! U stink! U cnt evn afford 200 naira deodorant!
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MsSwanky dnt wori.. Imma TwitPic ur crib on aiyetoro, so d whole twitter can knw ur Level
@MsSwanky: Hahah* ma family house isn’t evn in aiyetoro! Mumu lik u* so u’v been stalkin* go re-do ur homework boy* evn @Abbiediva tht u pingd knws better! Lemme gv u a clue* ma fam house is on Adebola ojomu* dull f**ktard!
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MsSwanky famzin who? Do I even knw u??? I dnt fuck fake pple like u! U r so dead.. U share same BB wif ur Twin sis! I’m sayin Facts! Ur conscience knws
@MsSwanky: Hahah! Mumu lik u! So ur ds dumb! Shit* I cnt believe I wastd my time wf this loosr* shit*
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MsSwanky shut da fcuk up! U cheap HOE.. Dnt worri, I’ll twitpic ur infected p***y soon
@MsSwanky: Oya pls twit it oo! Hahah* u wna get ur mum’s own abi! Gigolo livn in a two faced gutterd hut* atleast ma fada owns houses! Ur owns wht? Huts!
@iamMuizRossBoss: Bastards! They come on Twitter to Form.. U need to see whr dis b*tch @MsSwanky sleeps! I swr u’ll spit
@MsSwanky: Oya twit it na! Cuz they dint allow u into the compound wen u cm beggn to fetch water! Ewwhg! I undrstand ur pain!
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MsSwanky go n bless ur broke father that can’t get u all ur needs.. I don’t discriminate buh I roll wif d Best! U r 2 Fake !!!
@MsSwanky: @iamMuizRossBoss and ur moda is so shameless she had to keep fuckn arnd wen u whr in her..explains why u seem lik amoeba!
@iamMuizRossBoss: I’m sayin Facts! U knw ursef!! I gat ur details… Cheap Whore @MsSwanky
@MsSwanky: Lmao! My tl wil speak for me dude! I haf die! This blockd maniac is yarn balls* caln ♏ε whore! Ur birth has always evolved arnd tht!
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MsSwanky u live in a slum house!! I’m I lieing? If u doubt me, imma TwitPic ur house for thy world to see! Aiyetoro suffer head B*tch
@MsSwanky: I dnt need to brag! Famzers will keep to wht thy knw Ђδω to do best! Hv blckd u!
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MsSwanky I’m Better of ur Fada! I pay ma Bills! Buh ur father z too broke! He had to chase u n ur twin sis to ur uncle! He gives u 200naira to feed! Imagine, atleast I can do better! I fuel ma ride wif more dan dat
@MsSwanky: old man* ur identity confirms ur fake* iplix go to bed n wank ur maid lik u use to! Ur subs make ♏ε yawn n ur obviously a fool* a big one at tht*
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MsSwanky fuckin cheap HOE.. U fuck for BIS! U dnt worth Living
@MsSwanky: Hv given u enuf popularity* isn’t why ur bluffn*
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MsSwanky ur p***y aint got Dignity! U fcuk to get ur needs! Ur conscience knws I’m sayin d fact
@iamMuizRossBoss: @Pornjers @MsSwanky u need to see my Mother! She lives large, ur father can’t even fend for you and ur twin! Wat a poor Life ur living! I can be addin N300 to the N200 ur uncle gives u! So u can live a lil betta
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MsSwanky B*tch u stay in a Face me & Slap u house! U share toilet wif over 10 families!! Menn go for test!
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MsSwanky only hungry gurls like u fcuks anyhw! Cox ur life depends on it.. Cheap Whore! Av told u, lemme be addin N300 to the N200 ur uncle gives u! N500 is good for u daily.
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MsSwanky I wish I took ur pic on d day I saw u! D world needs 2 see hw u look outside Twitter! Guys dnt be fooled, dis B*tch wears torn cloths up & down
@iamMuizRossBoss: I’m allergic to Bullshits! A dirty B*tch like @MsSwanky can’t be sayin Shits to me! (n)
@iamMuizRossBoss: Imagine she’s denying her House! Poverty is a BIG disease!
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MsSwanky HOE! Say sumfin.. Idiot u aint even scared, u trynna diss sum1 dat Lives better than ur Father!
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MsSwanky wah TL, mumu Aiyetoro will speak for you! Ode!! Be consolin ursef
@iamMuizRossBoss: Super Eagles dnt play against the Falcons
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MsSwanky u sayin ur TL wud speak 4u! Do u sleep on Twitter? U fcukin Fake whore like yhu! It pays being Real.. We quite knw all fingers r nt Equal.. Poor B*tch
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MsCherry_Garcia seems u r stupid! Who cares for ur advice? #BirdsOfSameFeather
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MsSwanky even 1of ma Rosarys z more expensive than ur fcukin BB Curve2 u share with ur Twin sista.
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MsCherry_Garcia B*tch I aint ur mate! So #JerkOff ma TL.. I aint knw ur Ass! #StayOff
@MsCherry_Garcia: #GBAGAUN n I’m Glad I’m a B*tch cos Ur MOMMA taught Me Well
@MsSwanky: Hunnay! Let grandpa go to bed b4 his last breath* his corpse wil evn be rejectd* he’s nw famzn wf u? Haha
@iamMuizRossBoss: Now I see hw Stupid u r tew! Lmao, I said it earlier on! #BirdsOfSameFeather improve ur English
@iamMuizRossBoss: Fcukin LowLife HOE! U cnt even say Bullshits 2 ma Face! So dirty, u need to see her in her crib! Then U’ll understand bettaa @MsSwanky
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MsSwanky ‘s Fake BIO ****GidiSwank****dnt obsess! I’m a Model, iswank, iweird, iparty, iblunt, ibratz, iteaz…. Plz whr do u Model? Mofo, wif ur Torn Yaba clothes?
@MsSwanky: Aswani retailer
@iamMuizRossBoss: Yaba Bend down select gurl @MsSwanky AKA Ms Wanker
@MsSwanky: At least I buy them frm ur mum and ur fada hawks em too! Good radiance!
@iamMuizRossBoss: @MissHawtLegz26 @MsSwanky fake whore! I shud av snapped u d day I saw u walkin on d road lookin so dirty like a Maid.. I got a witness!
@MsSwanky: Famzer! Ur obsessive grandpa! I du evryfn in ma boi* speak fr urslf? Blind perv!
@Taylor_dirty: Lowest class slut …1k BBWEEK re legs re wide open lyk Emirates Stadium Goal pose
@iamMuizRossBoss: Wit 3k BIS Monthly it will be wide open like NOU CAMP
@iamMuizRossBoss: I’m done wif ur Poor Ass @MsSwanky use ur poor brain next time! Dnt say shits 2 sumone betta dan ur Father! U poor Fooool
@MsSwanky: Ma silence shud inform ur shallow mind to get another life* I won’t be dragged into exchanging words with a vagabond*
Foot Note: Many thanks to @PengBoiz and @Kemmiiii for providing some of the tweets used in this roundup. You can also become a YNaija twicorrespondent too. It’s quite easy. Get funny, witty and interesting tweets from your timelines and send them to me.