Wale Adetula: Can men really handle the things they ask for?

*singing* It’s too big, it’s too wide, it won’t fit… I got a big you know… Oh, not that.. and certainly not that famous head either.. Today we shall be discussing a very big and famous Elephant. It’s been around for so long we all just live with him and I thought it was about time someone called him out.

Sometime last year, I wrote a post about things men don’t want in their women and it sparked off all sorts of conversations, sub-posts and a couple of bloggers even did female versions of the post. One thing I realized after putting up that post was that in asking men what they do not want in women, I was inadvertently asking for what they do want. This became more obvious as the comments came in and some of those comments helped form the foundation for this post.

Looking through the thread, I realized one thing stood out. Almost every guy that commented mentioned the fact that they want their women to be exposed/intelligent. In fact, I did a word search on that page and it was interesting to see that the word intelligent/intelligence came up sooooo many times and this was a sharp contrast to the what women DONT want post on The Cream and Coffee Blog where the word came up only twice.

Now, I’m sure there were a lot of factors responsible for this but I want to pick on this to start todays conversation. As a lot of women asked on these posts, can men really handle these things they ask for? It’s a male dominated world and successful black women are constantly bombarded with haunting statistics suggesting many of them are doomed to remain spinsters or as we have it nowadays, become bi-sexual or homosexual. Is it coincidental that a lot of women didn’t spend time talking about how they wanted their men to be more educated, exposed and intelligent than them?

Many women spoke about wanting open-minded men, well, maybe that was their way of saying I want someone open minded enough to accept me even if I’m more intelligent/exposed/successful than him, maybe. The question is how many men can really REALLY handle this. Let’s look at a couple of scenarios:

Scenario 1

So she talks you into attending her high school reunion with her. You really didn’t have too much of a choice since she attended yours. But you attended ‘Model College and your reunion was a party at Elegushi beach. On the other hand, she attended ‘*Insert British name here* Private School and yup, all of her classmates went on to school outside the country; most making it into Ivy League Colleges where a lot of them met their partners/spouses. At the cocktail, you look the part and all but then one question keeps coming back to you all through the night and after avoiding it a few times, a very nosy guy (probably her ex) confronts you and asks:

“Somto, I didn’t quite catch what college you graduated from.” *Crickets*

Scenario 2

At another event, a birthday dinner perhaps. You’re seated at the dinner table with your girlfriend and loads of her friends and their boyfriends too. The conversation goes from one thing to the other and at some point people start talking about the countries they’ve visited overseas with your girlfriend unconsciously chipping in and not noticing that you’re the only person at the table who hadn’t contributed. Suddenly someone turns to you and asks.. “…So tell us Somto, what interesting places have you visited?” *Crickets*

These are just two scenarios but what you also don’t know is that over time, she has had to dumb down her conversations with you. Wanting to discuss new books she’s read, politics, international news e.t.c but seeing as your only interests are football, food and twitter fights, she’s had to compromise. Of course there are alternatives and we don’t even have to look far. Her royal highness ‘King B’ in one of her many many sermonized songs spoke about ‘upgrading men’ but then again, quoting something I found online (I need to find the source) “The problem with upgrading a man is you rarely see a return on your investment. And what happens when the two of you break up? All the women he dates from henceforth will reap the rewards of the new man you helped create. However, is it a double standard when it comes to men taking women from rags to riches?”

Well, that’s a question for a possible sequel to this post. Today I’d like to ask, can men look past that big old elephant called ego and REALLY handle being with women who are smarter/more exposed/more successful than them and when does a woman’s intelligence become emasculation? You know the drill, use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.

– @Thetoolsman

Check out my other posts here –>  http://www.tncng.com

Comments (5)

  1. More than once, I have witnessed the 'cricket' incident. Based on experience and all other factors, I am of the opinion that men are not ready-yet- to handle a SUPER woman. They let themselves get brainwashed by movies, and when the character takes the form of their gf or wife, it becomes a problem. The man always wants to be the one with the -er or ent- suffix eg smarter, more intelligent, etc.

    Nice piece.

  2. I think with the rate of feminine involvement in the scheme of things world over; the obvious shaping and making of a new world order that can't deny the relevance of women and her impacts,men should or may be learning to let go of their ego. However in relationships, a couple of traditional factors have tried to subject the intellect and obvious proficiency of women to insignificance. But I would suggest a good understanding, love and trust should make man overlook this convention of silencing women even when they have what it takes. However in such scenario,the woman have a great part to play. She should/must not start playing the role of the rude bread winner. In whatever situation, she should always honor her man.

  3. What are you – 4?

  4. Great write up. Scintillating and gets the mind rolling. I'll say this for sure: Most African men out there cannot handle it! It's quite easy to ask for women who are more educated, more intelligent and more exposed, however quick poll of all African men who read this and will common will probably show that

    1. They will castigate women who smoke more than they will castigate men doing similar

    2. They will castigate a woman who says she doesn't want to have kids, more than they will castigate a man who says same

    3. They will castigate a woman who can't cook more than a man who can't do same.

    Someone will scream about the role of women in the home and society etc. but this should not cut, because if you want women equally intelligent, exposed etc. then we should afford them similar opportunities, choices, benefits and criticism. The moment you refuse them this, you already make it clear that you cannot handle women of similar of higher intelligence, education and exposure!

    We men, shouldn't just pay lip service. Saying we want it is enough! If we don't provide the write environment for it to thrive, then we simply are not ready for it!

    Thanks for the write up Wale 🙂

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