by Reagan Gavin Rasquinha
Are you friends with someone who calls and messages you often or wants to meet you only when in need and having done that, ignores you for a week or so, before the Next Big Emergency?
It started out fine and full of promise. But as time goes on, you cannot help but shake that feeling that she is using you, and giving nothing in return.
One of the cruelest things a woman can do to a guy, is to know that he has a soft spot for her and believes in her niceness, but will use that to sweetly use him as a way to pass the time and help do odd-jobs, and to keep him hanging. She also offers nothing in return apart from empty words. A fake friendship of one-sided convenience. In short, you are her go-to person, her Man Friday.
In such cases, the best thing you can do yourself is simply this – save yourself before the inevitable showdown, take the higher ground and cut off ties. Do this not to get back at her, but to simply realise that you are not getting younger and you should be focusing your efforts and energies on a girl that truly feels for you and reciprocates. Here are some of the signs that you are being royally used. It’s important that you learn to read these signs, because she will never tell you the same in a blunt manner. After all, why would she give up the opportunity of having a glorified servant for free?
She wants a lot of space
Are you friends with someone who calls and messages you often or wants to meet you only when in need and having done that, ignores you for a week or so, before the Next Big Emergency? Every time she ignores you or pushes you away, you may find yourself falling more madly in love with her. On the other hand, she’s probably not only playing you like a puppet, but having sex with other guys who probably don’t treat her even half as nice as you do. Remember this – when a girl claims to really like you, but avoids you for stretches of time despite claiming to “never get tired of spending time with you” there’s a good chance there’s another guy in her life and that given the opportunity, she will be sleeping with him. Save yourself for a better woman.
She hugs you and calls you over for movies at her place at the other end of town. Like a fool, you go. She will greet you with a hug, perhaps. If she is hungry, she will ask you to go down and pick up a sandwich. You will willingly go, thinking that it’ll score you some brownie points for being ‘such a sweet guy’. You feel good about yourself, but you are living in a fool’s paradise. You are being TOO nice. In effect, you are her lap-dog. She’ll offer you a drink and a few snacks. But will keep well away from you, proximity-wise. Get wise! You could probably have more fun hanging out with someone else.
You barely know her friends
When a girl uses you, there’s a good chance you’re going to meet just a few – in none at all – of her friends. If she calls you over but always has some of her girlfriends over or worse, some other guy who she has way better body language with, make an excuse and LEAVE. And when she calls you over to a party, she barely pays you any attention, given that you barely know anyone else there. It’s something most guys almost always forgive and forget. If she’s convinced that you’re the man in her life, she’d proudly make you meet her friends.
Benefit of the doubt
She may be genuinely confused about the kind of relationship both of you share, especially if she’s just broken up with her guy or is still in a relationship with some other guy. But the point is she’s confused. That doesn’t mean YOU need to be a part of that confusion. If she loves you, there’s nothing to be confused about. It’s as simple as that. If she’s still in love with another guy, you’re not the winner here. You’re the scapegoat filling up the blanks when her boyfriend or another guy doesn’t have the time for her.
She wants you to listen, but not the other way around
Are you in love with a girl who loves talking about her own life and her little problems? Does she tell you about how bad her ex-boyfriend was? And on the other hand, every time you try telling something to her, does she try top keep the conversation short and offer you solutions that you have already thought about? Does she tell you to ‘man up’ and offer you no sympathy whatsoever? If she did love you, she’d be more interested to know about you and your life than whining about her own aches and pains.
If the answer to any of the above is a ‘yes’, then it’s time you dedicate the Led Zeppelin song to her called ‘Babe, I’m Gonna Leave You’
Read this article in Times of India
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.
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