by Julia Austin

 

Some say that things just “get to us” more than they get to men. That we over analyze things. That we let things affect our day (or our lives) more than men do. But, don’t be fooled: men have their weak spots too. Their Achilles heel. And, if you say any of these things they’ll be thinking about it for a while. Communication in a relationship is very important as I’m sure you already know, so be careful how you come at him with the following:

Sex doesn’t really do it for me

For some women, this is true. They don’t get off during intercourse. But if you say that to a man, he will be thinking, “Is she waiting for me to be done?” when you are having sex. So much so that it will be hard for him to even enjoy himself. He will also feel that doing other stuff to you is more of a task than a pleasure. If your relations in bed aren’t really spicing you up and you want to do something about it, find a sensitive way of telling him what DOES work for you, without giving him the idea that he’s just the worst lover ever, will probably be accepted a lot better than faking it so obviously.

You’re not meeting your potential

If in any way you insinuate that your boyfriend could have a better job, be a better person, is slacking off, or that you’re less than impressed by his career—that will crush him. It will make him feel like less than a man. It’s one thing to want him to be happy and encourage him to pursue his passions. It’s another to make snide remarks about how he should be doing better, especially if it’s more about making you happy than him.

“He can’t do that because we’re going to…”

If a friend asks your boyfriend to go to a game with him, a bar with him, on a trip with him—anything—and you jump in, maybe put your hand protectively on your boyfriend’s shoulder and say “He can’t, we’re going to my parents’ home that weekend,” or “we’re couch shopping that weekend,” I’m pretty sure you’re going to embarrass him. He isn’t necessarily embarrassed to do those things with you, but he is embarrassed that you answer for him because that makes him look whipped (whippity-whip whipped!). It makes it look like you made him do those things, rather than he chose to, and that you can and do speak for him.

I’m just going to get ____to help me with this

Car problems, kitchen sink problems, even emotional problems—we usually turn too our men about all that. But if your boyfriend offers to help you and you say you’re just going to get someone else to take care of it, you make him feel like he is incapable of taking care of you. Listen to his advice. Take his help. Even if you know you’ll need further assistance, don’t tell him that from the start. Let him feel like you need him a little from time to time.

So and so is SUCH a good guy

Maybe you really do admire your best friend’s boyfriend. He does super sweet things for her. Maybe he does a lot of volunteer work or takes care of his sick mother. Or maybe he just takes her out a lot and buys her things often. Whatever it may be, don’t go ga-ga about that in front of your boyfriend. Maybe you don’t mean to compare them, but your man will feel like you’re trying to compare him to another man.

Wearing gifts from an ex

This isn’t something you say, rather, you do it of course. But it makes NO sense to a current boyfriend why you would wear or have gifts from an ex. Maybe you keep some gifts from an ex who you’re still on good terms with and were very meaningful to you, but, don’t sport the designer bag or bracelet an ex got you. That says to your boyfriend that you felt the ex was better at taking care of you—and making you feel special—than he is. Same goes for any old sweaters of his that you used to sleep in. Get some real pajamas!

You’ve gained weight

Women think men don’t care about these things. They think men don’t give a Shyte if they’ve put on weight. Nuh-uh. Men want you to find them attractive just like you want them to find you attractive! They don’t think it’s very manly to be openly upset about weight gain, but if you bring it up, they will be inwardly upset or worried about it. How about encouraging him to work out with you? Find fun ways to get fit together, ladies! But don’t poke his belly one day, giggle, mention that “You got big,” and make the joke that, “Somebody’s eating for two!” Don’t be that way.

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Read this article in Madame Noire

 

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.