Abigail Anaba: Variety in one (Y! Superblogger)

My mother-in-law, euphemistically refers to a woman’s genitals as her workshop. When I married my husband, she came in to give me lessons on cleaning my workshop-I was almost 30.

Just recently, a friend asked me if married people ever got tired of sex. What he meant was whether married people ever got bored with their sex lives. I was tempted to ask him if people ever got tired of eating. When you really think of it, in many ways sex is like food. Hasn’t an excuse men give for cheating been that you can’t eat one type of soup daily and not get bored?

Indeed, sex can get boring and loose its taste in marriage. A quick fix would be to go out and find “another type of soup”. However, like all quick fixes this has a downside. How many restaurants would you have to visit with on this journey of finding different soup? And with the various STD’s floating around, you just might eat something you weren’t exactly looking for. But think of this, what if it was possible for you to eat this various types of ‘soup’ and yet you can find this soup in one place? Imagine if you can have a restaurant that serves all dishes including the exotic and the intercontinental, wouldn’t that be something you would be interested in? Aha! Did that catch your interest? Then let us talk about how you can build this restaurant and get served these exquisite dishes in the comfort of your home.

The first part of restaurateurs business is getting customers to come into the restaurant. This post will not however be dedicated to getting the customer in. I want to believe that if you are married you have already done that part. We shall be focusing on the other part, the harder part if you may, which involves keeping your customer coming back.

Have you ever heard the phrase ‘the customer is king’? If you want to become a successful restaurateur, a key element is to always remember that. Do you make your partner feel like a king (queen) when you are together? Do you find innovative ways of doing that each time? Let us look at a scenario: if you are the man in the relationship and you always take the lead when it comes to sex, can you let your spouse be king by doing what they want. Do you know what your partner’s sexual fantasy is? Have you ever played it out? Why not find out today and make him king? The key here is to try out their fantasy, you may not like it eventually, but the fact that you were willing to give it try goes a long way.

I will tell you about my friend, we’ll call her Debbie. Now Debbie’s husband likes to be given BJ’s. The little snag is that Debbie hates giving heads. The thought of putting the male genital in her mouth is a total turn off. Sexual incompatibility right? Well there were two solutions: The quick fix would be that the husband finds someone willing and able to give BJ’s. The other would be that Debbie compromises and does this one for him. We found a solution. Debbie’s main problem was the taste of the sperm and so we found something to masquerade that taste. Enter Honey, stage left. By coating the husband in honey, Debbie was able to fulfil this task without it leaving a sour taste in her mouth.

Another thing a restaurateur knows is how to come up with “specials”. They have house specials and they keep changing this daily. Do you have a daily special? Or is it the same old same old each time? Do you go out of your way to learn how to create a ‘special’? Make no mistake, a restaurateur will travel wide and scour family recipes to find that something that would make the meal really special, it could be a spice; it could be how the meal is prepared. The important thing is that he finds a way of making it special. Now when was the last time you found out about sexual positions? Have you ever researched on how to make that style your partner loves so much even more exciting by adding a special ‘spice’? Have you researched on what else can contribute to the joy of that meal aside from the meal itself? Does your bedroom look like a place someone should be getting some? Do you invest in scents that act as aphrodisiacs?

Tony and Bunmi were two special people. Their courtship didn’t last that long, just about a year, but you could see the chemistry between them. They were hardly able to keep their hands away from each other. Just a year after their marriage Bunmi had their first baby: a wonderful bundle of joy. Within the next three years she had two more and her sexual vibrancy died as the babies came alive. Tony was quick to grow resentful of the babies thinking his wives change was because of them. Now does he go for the quick fix? The problem really was that Bunmi, like most other women, saw sex as an emotional thing. Sex did not start with getting into bed. It starts with what happened during the day, the scents, and the sights. Presently, the home smelled like babies and diapers. Tony took time out to find a special scent that doubles as a turn on and suddenly Bunmi came back.

Where would a restaurant be if they didn’t offer impeccable service? I’ll tell you where: they’ll be going down! What makes for impeccable service? Common courtesies, a clean environment, speed of service all play a huge role. Let us talk about a clean environment. My mother-in-law, euphemistically refers to a woman’s genitals as her workshop. When I married my husband, she came in to give me lessons on cleaning my workshop-I was almost 30. The fact is, many ladies out there need lessons on how to keep the tool of their business clean. Do you wash the area regularly with soap and water? Do you apply perfume to keep it smelling nice? Do you invest in sexy underwear? Do you wash your underwear? Do you iron them? Do you know what colours turn him on? Do you surprise him sometimes by going without?

A friend of mine told me about a trick she used when she sensed her husband was loosing interest. She wore a night dress that reached just below her hips and walked up to him where he was reading a newspaper on the sofa. She passed by him a couple of times and he didn’t take note of her. So she walked over to the dining table and picked a bunch of keys and when she was right in front of him she dropped the key noisily causing him to look up and then she bent over, hips right in front of his eyes and picked the key. She had decided to go without!

A good restaurant also knows how to give the customer more than they bargained for. This helps keep the business of visiting the restaurant fresh. Again I ask: how many sexual styles do you know? Can you identify the following: butterfly, doggy, missionary, cowgirl, spoons, standing, rick saw, happy landing, stick shift, ying yang, three o’clock appointment, slinky, rock a thigh baby, private lap dance, stand at erection? If you can’t identify at least 7 then you do need to do some serious research!

Guys remember, finding out about sex is not just the woman’s job, although it makes it a whole lot more fun and exciting if she does more than just lie there and let you do your thing. If you do not want your woman straying off, it would be a good idea to keep dating her after marriage. That way, she wouldn’t have the energy to find someone else to do the job for you.

Sex after marriage can grow monotonous and drab. Do not fall for “we were meant for each other business”. If the spirit revealed your spouse to you, then by all means work with the spirit to keep your spouse with you always! Restaurant business is serious business, but if you approach it with the diligence of an entrepreneur and do your business right, you will keep the customer returning.


Abigail Anaba is a wife, mother, writer, teacher. She studied Mass Communications at the Nigerian Institute of Journalism. She blogs at www.anabagail.wordpress.com and tweets @anabagail


Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

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Comments (4)

  1. Great advice, so thank you.

    How about dishing out something guys can chew on as regards their ladies…and not just a line or two. Way too many articles target the woman only. A lot of guys may not know what "dating her after marriage " entails. How many techniques do guys know that please the woman? As you are aware, many guys hardly have time to read all the books that could offer advice and a lot do not just read.

    Many resort to gifts in cash or kind, though very nice, that REPLACE beautiful emotional moments like holding hands, giving an unexpected hug, sincere and spontaneous compliments, lending a helping hand when things get chaotic, just to name a few….

    It takes two to spice up a marriage…

  2. Wow! That's the word! OMG! She talked about sex and yet didn't leave you feeling dirty especially with the food euphemism! Great piece of writing!

    I'm embarrassed to say I could only recognise 2 of the styles! Only 2! The usual doggy & missionary! I need to do research especially since I'm about to get married! Thanks Y! and Abigail!

  3. One word:Beautiful. Another word:Insightful. Yet another word:Thought-provoking.

    Every man should have a woman like this.

cool good eh love2 cute confused notgood numb disgusting fail