Cheta Nwanze: Nigerians, can we stop the blame game?

by Cheta Nwanze

Dear Yetunde,

So here was I ready for marriage and dating a girl, Awele, whom I was head over heels for. It was great at the beginning. She was a looker, made nice meals, the sex was great. But as the relationship progressed, I found that she had a terrible habit. She couldn’t keep her legs together. Essentially, I was sharing her with quite a few others. So I began looking for a replacement.

Sometime, after, Belema, whom I’d dated earlier, and who at the time had been an abusive girlfriend, came on the scene. To me, she appeared to have matured, and she told me as much. I didn’t want to try another “unknown” so I ignored Remi, Victoria and Lola, and chased away Awele, and two months later, Belema and I tied the knot.

For the first two months we were happy, but then I began to notice that some of her habits still hadn’t changed. She never took decisions about running the house on time, meals were never properly cooked, and worse of all, she was still very abusive.

We have been married for almost two years now, and it is clear to me that Belema can never make a good wife. Awele’s friends are laughing at me for leaving their friend. I curse Awele for driving me back into Belema’s arms.

Yours sincerely, Naija.


Dear Naija,

You are a very foolish boy. Is it Awele’s infidelity that made you not to scrutinise the other options available to you?

Awele’s friends who are laughing are silly, why did they not tell her the truth about her ways? But that doesn’t matter.

First, you have to stop and take a look at yourself. You obviously do not know how to make choices. Blaming Awele is not constructive. She is the past, and you left her two years ago. There are two options with you and Belema. Either you put up, or you shut up. If you choose to put up, then when you are making a choice next time, choose wisely.

But ultimately remember, finger pointing never got anyone anywhere.

Now, go and fix your life.

Aunt Yetunde.

Op–ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija

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