Church Crawler: That Sunday when we stormed The Apostolic Church crossover service

by Damilola Fowowe

Yes! It’s a new year and how best to start a year than in Church. So in Church Crawler style (see Sola Sobowale’s entrance in The Wedding Party), we stormed a church. We decided to worship at one of the earlier Pentecostal churches in Nigeria, The Apostolic Church. They had their special New Year service with attendance peaking at 20,000 worshippers.

I think we forgot we were going to one of the old generation churches. So we were expecting intense worship, high praise, murmured prayers, faith confessions and all sort of adjectives we’ve come to know with Church.

None of that here. These guys say their prayers aloud. People here dance with reckless abandon, you would almost think they were in a competition with David. Old people just run to the front of the pulpit and begin to roll on the floor not minding their clothes. Men and women clap their palms sore in excitement and joy. You can’t but be lost in the scenes.

In tandem with the unpredictable nature of church, we were treated to hours of prophecies. Alas, from findings, it turned out the prophets in the Church have been fasting and praying for days and were ready to ‘fire-on’. So what better way than bearing the mind of the Lord on the first day of the year. You can be sure we got enough prophecies to last a decade.

We, the unsuspecting audience thinking service will be done in a space of two-three hours were in for a rude awakening. Service went on and on. Prophecies upon prophecies.

One of the prophecies that caught my attention was the one about how the uncircumcised son will launch an attack against the circumcised son of Abraham. Just picture Iran/Iraq/Palestine vs Israel.

Also, the Children of the uncircumcised will continue to create confusion and terror throughout the world. In simpler terms, middle-eastern guys will make sure peace talks continue to be discussed and not actualized. In more simple terms, Iran, Iraq, Saudi Arabia inciting countries against each other, forcing countries to take sides. You dig? If you don’t, go watch Aljazeera.

Another prophecy that also got me, was the one on excessive heat. According to the Prophet, there would be so much heat in Nigeria this year that it would lead to an epidemic. You can just imagine what the Northerners are in for.

Yes, there’s a word for Nigeria and Nigerians. So all those who have stolen from this country better start preparing for their time in prison. According to the Prophet, they would all be brought to book. Left to Nigeria’s judicial system, you would be forgiven to do a Thomas but is there anything impossible for Onise iyanu?

Lest I forget, recession is over, says the spirit of the Lord!

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