In this day and age where music is evolving to greater heights, it is a shame to discover some of those in the spotlights still cannot sit down to write some good bars.

In 2011, MI’s “chin you up like Achebe” led the pack and in 2012, we could have compiled this list from Sina Rambo’s Ijo Sina as all that talk about balling like Bulgaria upset our stomachs.

We have compiled some of the awful lyrics -from mainstream acts – that you secretly love and belt out in the shower, in no particular order. Of course, the ubiquitous I-like-your-body-you-drive-me-crazy lines were filtered out.

Song: Ezeokwu ft. Ikechukwu, Ill Bliss, Phyno

Artiste: Lynxxx

Lyrics: I dey nigga, like I own Glo / Two million for one show

While it is debatable that the Syndik8 frontman can at this stage of his career, command fees in that region or that the currency he was speaking of might be Zimbabwean dollars, Michael Adenuga or Adenigga as his ambassador has christened him, will not be pleased when he hears this.

Song: Carry Go ft. Davido

Artiste: D-Black

Lyrics: She laughed then, my heart cut/ she flyer than a diplomatic passport/ (yiee)

Every industry has a Rick Ross wannabe with the wheezy galumping flow. Nigeria has Ill Bliss who can’t rhyme to save his life and Ghana has, well…D’black. Diplomatic passports fly only in Oz and Hogwartz maybe, chale.

Song: Of Life

Artiste: Blink

Lyrics: And in the heat, I’m ice cold/Always got nice flows/I go soon blow because I’m the bomb of life

Silly song title? Check. Silly song? Check. When supposed rappers start rhyming ‘cold’ and ‘flows”, you just close your curtain, kneel with your family and wait for the apocalypse.

“Bomb of life”. Wow. Think Boko Haram. Think environmental-friendly. Way to go, Blink.

N.B. On this same song, he says his crew still” shine even if they take light and the generator no get diesel all night” and this begs the question: Are they fireflies or rechargeable lanterns?

Song: Chairman

Artiste: M.I.

Lyrics: My album sold so a capella, nobody can beat it

Perhaps on his next track, the son of Abaga will clarify that the album in question is actually a drum or some underground band. Or there will be a remix…”My album sold so radio, nobody can beat (FM) it.”

Song: Nobody Tighter ft. Yung L.O.S

Artiste: Phenom

Lyrics: I no be blood cell/ Am never running in vain

Phenom has a bright future, but going down the Lil Wayne Path of Silly Punchlines and Terrible Metaphors could mar hisprogress as an emcee to be reckoned with. On the one hand, the vein-vain analogy is forced and on the other, the scientific discovery that blood cells run around in vain in the human body just doesn’t sit right with us. Even though we secretly claim to be, we’re not immortal yet.

Song: One of A Kind

Artiste: Davido

Lyrics: Your bottom big like trailer/ My money big like whale o/ It’s very long like vuvuzela o

He did warn us from the title that ‘she’ was one of a kind but we are still appalled that he’s romancing a monster. Groupies must be going out of extinction…

Song: I Swear

Artiste: Ice Prince

Lyrics: If you no soji,have no fear/ I spend money on the things I wear… I’m f**king on your Tv, omo na sex tape/And if na trouble you dey find I dey my Estate/Dem say I stingy die,I no dey pay attention

Wow, such wonderful lyricism! Panshak Zamani might be hardworking and have a good rapport with friends, but his bars are suffering emotional neglect, like the wife of a billionaire. We wonder if by insisting that he spends money on things he wears, he is sending a message about previously shoplifting.

Song: Popular

Artiste: Vector

Lyrics: I’m not stingy/Vector will share like Jack

Vector has over the years made his mark on the industry by using brilliant wordplay and freestyling but usually, the best freestylers make the worst rappers. Our man took corny a little too far here and tried to reference the English midfielder in this line so desperate, this rapper can say it was like the movie, Desperado. Wait, hasn’t he said that already?

Song: Murda Dem

Artiste: Jesse Jagz

Lyrics: I carry my fans, no taxi

Oshey Superman.

Song: Of Life

Artiste: Lynxxx

Lyrics: Niggas talking foul, look at me with fake smiles/ No magazines but if I diss they style (ThisDay Style)

#SomewhereInLagos, BETH Model Management Africa is recruiting. Shouldn’t Lynxx rather be there?

Song: T.I.V – Komole

Artiste: Vector

Lyrics: Everybody get down like that song I featured Tuface on

This is just as ridiculous as walking up to a pretty girl and saying, “I want to say Hi like the eighth and ninth letters of the alphabet joined together.” No one’s crying yet?

BONUS:

Song: Ekoloma Demba

Artiste:Timaya

Lyrics: I dey burn like a cigarette/ And my music dey accelerate

Timaya has put out some of the best club bangers in contemporary times but lyricism has never been his strong forte.Cigarettes are lit or smoked by people, not burnt. And it’s such a shame that Egberipapa is interested in self-arson abi suicide.