by Ezinne Ajoku

Living in Lagos has its perks. There’s all those endless snazzy parties at clubs and lounges and owambes going on every weekend. And everything seems to happen in Lagos: Arts and culture events? Lagos. Commerce? Lagos. Infrastructure? Lagos. Career opportunities? Lagos.  But then, there are drawbacks. Overpopulation? Lagos. Ritual killing? Lagos. (yea, well, and most of Nigeria too.) Highway robbery/daylight robbery? Lagos. So it was not exactly surprising that in one night, I was reminded of some of the things that frustrate me about Lagos.

Traffic

As unpredictable as Lagos traffic can be, it is not entirely arbitrary. This is because in the morning traffic mostly flows in the direction of the Island and in the evening traffic flows towards the mainland. So persons who are privileged to work on the mainland, as well as live there, are cut off- to a large extent- from the madness their mainland-living, island-working counterparts experience daily. Particularly those who live in far flung areas. They must of necessity have to participate in the hateful ritual of waking up by 4 am to leave the house by 5 am so they can be at work before 8 am.

But other elements conspire to make life on the roads of Lagos a nightmare, so when you throw in accidents, road blocks by any one of the numerous government agencies, illegal parking by danfo drivers and heavy duty vehicles, visits by Presidents or Governors, and yes, church meetings, and  Lagos traffic becomes  demonic. How else do you explain sitting in a spot for an hour?

Which brings me to my question: What is it about certain church gatherings that bring commuters to their knees in complete surrender? Yesterday was Holy Ghost service, and as is normal with this particular event, the gridlock in Lagos was raised to the power of 1000. It was so bad, folks on Twitter moaned in dismay:

The traffic on Ikorodu road cannot be man made!!!.. Some powers are behind this.

— Mr P (@_religiousthug) November 4, 2016

#X 9:08PM ikorodu road. Bumper to bumper pic.twitter.com/ANu4r97K44 VIA @ugobarthy

— Trafficbutter.com.ng (@trafficbutter) November 4, 2016

If ya going to Ikorodu this night, my dear BRETHREN just goan lodge somewhere or sleep inside ur car ? u won't get home

— TEMISAN ??????? (@Temisan_daniels) November 4, 2016

 

Is this question one for the gods? Or are events like these simple reminders of our poor road network and abominable roads; the increase in vehicles and centralisation of companies on the Island? Or perhaps it’s got something to do with Lagos’ overwhelming human numbers (spilling even into neighbouring states) as opposed to other parts of Nigeria?

While I’m in no way criticising churches for holding meetings as they seem fit, or taking the cane to members who attend those meetings, I’m wondering if Lagos State is taking advantage of her water ways, as it should.

Road blocks

Nigerians have the unfortunate habit of blocking roads for their own pleasure. Someone is celebrating a birthday and he has no space in his compound to receive all his guests. Or park their cars.  No problem. He rents canopies and turns the road into his extended living room/car park, without regard for legitimate road users, with no nod to the government about his intentions, without taking into consideration the consequences of his actions. So on the day of the celebration, commuters who pass that route daily drive up to that point and are forced to turn back, causing unnecessary congestion in and around the area of celebration.

A company has an event. They solicit the services of the police and paramilitary to block off roads around the venue, for whatever reason. In this case, the obligatory nod has been given to government, but commuters are none the wiser, and on the day of the event, they travel their well mapped out route, only to get up to a point and meet men in uniform instructing them to turn around. Is this how normal governments run? Shouldn’t announcements go out on radio, TV (alongside their jingles) in advance, advising residents of their decision?  Shouldn’t organizers of such events leave markers along the way showing the quickest access routes to the event? Why do we do things like this in this country?

Street lights

Traversing the Island to the Mainland at night will push this thought to the fore of your consciousness, as surely as a ghost in a haunted house delights in convincing the human occupants of that house of its presence: Lagos is dark. Oh, I’m aware of the state government’s Light Up Lagos project, and it is commendable. Oshodi, Agege and Ogba are better for it. Still, it did not escape my attention that but for security lights on buildings casting their beams on the roads, Lagos is quite dark.

Mad motorists

Drivers, you see the traffic jam before you. You think the best way to beat it is to take “one way” and block incoming traffic on their own lane? So the rest of us can sit there for hours on end toasting to your genius. You are an Uber driver, and you don’t know alternative routes to reach a destination or maybe you do, but you decide to take the longer gridlocked-unto-kingdom-come route because longer trips equal higher fares. Therefore, you turn a thirty minute trip to a three hour trip, so your pockets can testify. What manner of insanity is this?
Sigh

There are too many factors competing to frustrate a girl in Eko, but the greatest of them is traffic.