by Grace Efezokhae
The height of it was when a married friend of mine was “advising” me that when I get married, my husband will surely cheat on me and I shouldn’t just be bothered. She went on and on about how it is a “normal” thing. I rebuked it immediately.
We’ve all heard stuffs like these gazillion times;
“This is Africa, all men cheat. It’s their nature”
“Which man on the surface of the earth doesn’t cheat?”
“Men will be men, it’s a man’s world”
“A man will do one of three things; cheat, drink or smoke”
“A man likes to be adventurous; Variety is the spice of life”
The height of it was when a married friend of mine was “advising” me that when I get married, my husband will surely cheat on me and I shouldn’t just be bothered. She went on and on about how it is a “normal” thing. I rebuked it immediately. I know women cheat too, but the men seem to be more committed to cheating. It even irks me when a man cheats on his wife/girlfriend who is very beautiful with “a million yards of wife material qualities”. What else could he be looking for if I may ask?
But then, I am sick and tired of hearing men justify themselves with all these kind of statements and the women trying to validate them by singing along in chants and rhymes. All these have led to men cheating without even batting an eyelid because his wife, girlfriend and the society has let him off the hook accepting the crap that “men will be men”. Stereotypes like these make the men feel that their inability to have an impulse control is not a big deal.
A guy cheats because he knows he will most likely get away with it. He cheats because it is accepted. He cheats because society will hardly frown on it. He cheats because his reputation is not at stake. He cheats because in his mind his ego is boosted bydoing so. It’s only when a woman cheats, that there is brouhaha.
There are however men who have embraced the “cheating lifestyle” and the women in their lives have accepted the status quo. I have even listen to married women talk about the fact that they don’t give a hoot if their husbands cheat on them or not so long as he still provides for her and the family and ultimately does not bring the other women to their home as a second wife. Some even go further as saying that so long as he is not a physical abuser. I have equally heard unmarried ladies say the same thing in anticipation of when they get married.
TO EACH HIS OWN.
Infidelity has been one of the major causes of divorce these days and I have read and listened to spouses that have been cheated upon. Not everybody has the onus to bear the shock while some others were able to forgive and move on.
Some cheat for pleasure or just plainly “ojukokoro”, but to those who have unmet needs, why not discuss it with your spouse rather than just cheat on the person. Communication is very important. Be specific about your emotional and sexual needs. Talk about what you want, how you want it and how you can become better.
I am not yet married but this is one very key issue I will have to discuss with my hubby. It takes the special grace of God to withstand temptations from cheating on our spouses, but with a strong will and determination, I think we can all have strong convictions on the sacredness of fidelity. And if it ever happens…*Lips sealed*. We will both cross the bridge when we get there. No matter any excuse anyone who ever cheats has, a man/woman cheats because he/she has made up her mind to.
To all ye unmarried whose boyfriends/girlfriends are cheating on you and you have decided to turn a blind eye to it, it’s your choice. But to those who are still being indecisive about the whole relationship, think well o. If you can’t withstand it now, getting married won’t change a thing. I have good news for you though; have you heard of olx.com? You can sell unwanted items there o. Just upload your cheating boyfriend or girlfriend’s picture and exchange for an iPhone 5s. Whichever way, it all boils down to what you want and what you can condone.
And so my highly esteemed readers, what is your take on this whole matter?
Grace Efezokhae blogs from www.graciemama.com
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.