It’s raining bullets: Grab your umbrellas!

by Sola Fasasi

The First Lady of Nigeria seems to always be in the spotlight, but not the good kind, mind you. None can miss the astonishing confidence with which she speaks – with grammatical and phonetic competency that leaves many of us with wide eyes and open mouths. The more jovial among us just fall off their chairs in laughter.

Last year for example, Mrs Jonathan, addressing members of the press on the achievements of the Super Falconets said, “it is not easy to carry second in an international competition like this one”.

Later in the year, 15th October precisely, she was quoted saying, “The president was once a child and the senators were once a children”, and recently, she was rumoured to have referred to ” fellow Nigerians” of different “nationality”.

As icing on the cake, audio recordings of Dame Patience Goodluck speaking at a PDP Rally have spread around social networks and mobile devices. Apparently, The First Lady was trying to persuade her listeners to vote for the ‘Umbrella’, the unmistakable symbol of the Peoples’ Democratic Party. However, she er… well she might have inadvertently done just the opposite.

Clearly Nigerians had a lot to say on social networks, and their comments were even more hilarious than the Dame’s phonetic blunder…

One Facebook user tried to transcribe the speech thus: “From d presidency come aprey eleshun where are u goin to press ya hand, it shud b umblerra, from d top to d lowa one umblerra!”

@ToolzO asked, “Who do u think is the most powerful/influential WOMAN in the Nigerian music industry?”, and @riKOKOmasta responded “Patience Jonathan with her umblera remix”.

@toluogunlesi: S’posed to be reading, but distracted by trying to imagine a meeting btw Sarah Palin and Dame GEJ. What would they discuss? In what language?

@AO_Salami: “In other news, at the PDP rally in Bayelsa, Dame Patience Jonathan (aka Umbllera) wanted to speak and GEJ said out loud * its not necessary*”

@vonnero: Patience Jonathan may not have had the best education, pls stop making a mockery of her. She’s a strong woman/ leader in her own unique way.

@luckylooch23: “A vote for jonathan is a vote for patience…Please vote wisely”

Listen for yourself… Is this Mrs Jonathan?

The ‘Umbrella’ Speech I

The ‘Umbrella’ Speech II

Comments (2)

  1. lwkmd ohhh! Y Naija! now lets see…she needs to be brushed up. BIG time! there isnt any excuse anyone can give-people even told me stuff like if it was your mother how will you feel? d'uh she aint! lets leave that thought to her kids. she is first lady, and last i checked there is enough resources available for a 'basic' education; even home schooling.
    Recall we once had a past head of state whose wife wasnt all that proficient either but He invested in her and she turned out quite well…..that said, make NO mistake, she is NOT our candidate but GEJ is. cast your vote without bias

  2. Lol!!! Sola, you forgot the now famous, 'my fellow widows' speech! I didn't listen to any of the audio with this post but I really hope you got the Umblerra remix (auto tune version)…
    It's sad, really sad on the one hand, but then it gives us something to laugh about so that's fine!
    It is however nice to see how these things go viral thanks to social networks, I hope we can exploit that where it really matters….

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