Oluchi, Ronke and Jacy were watching TV when one of the ladies’ favourite TV series came up. As they watched it together, and even gave opinions on some of the characters and their dilemmas, Ronke blurted “I want to ask you girls a question. How long should you stay with a low-income guy before you get tired of his awesome potential income?”
From the look on Ronke’s face, you could tell that it was a very serious matter, so the ladies paused, before Oluchi asked “Is it Femi again?”, to which Ronke nodded. Femi and Ronke met in NYSC camp, and have been together for four years. He was yet to get a good job, and Ronke was tired of waiting for things to pick up in his life; she was 29, and very ready to settle down.
Oluchi asked Ronke why she didn’t want to give Femi money to start a business, since she was already doing well in her career, and no job was forthcoming for him. Ronke chuckled, before saying Femi is not a business-driven person, and she was sure that any money she gives him would end up wasted.
She then told her friends how she had once given Femi money, which he invested in men’s shirts and shoes. Almost all of which ended up unsold, because he relied only on BBM and Instagram for marketing, and refused to go out and show people what he had for sale, especially as he lacked enough social media presence to pull off online sales.
Ronke lamented that it is his pride that has kept him jobless, because he has turned down many job offers which he considered to be beneath him. Likewise with the business…he had felt too big to go out selling his merchandise from the boot of his car.
Can you see what the problem really is? Mr. Potential Executive is yet to understand that you sometimes need to work your way up the ladder; he is waiting for a plum job to drop in his laps…but who is ready to give a Managerial role to someone with no post-NYSC work experience?
Ronke, on the other hand, started off as an entry-level employee but has already received a promotion, is about finishing a professional certification, and has been on several training programs on the job. You would not blame such a lady for wondering how long she can stick with her boyfriend’s “potential”.
You can tell that she meets lots of guys who are on different levels of employment and are steadily moving up the ladder, while she comes home to a guy that does nothing all day. Three years of staying at home waiting for a big job, sitting at home, sending applications only for the big jobs, and lamenting at not getting called for interviews!
It would have been different if he tried to pursue self development, by enrolling for a Masters degree, professional course or internship. The kind of Mr. Potential that one should stick with, is the one who is putting in the work, the one who goes out and starts something if the jobs ain’t coming, or accepts a small scale job with the view of rising through the ranks.
Mr. Potential that takes courses and applies himself deserves to be loved, supported, encouraged and waited on. If on the other hand, Mr. Potential sits around with the belief that the world owes him a great job, and collects money from his girlfriend, with no shame, and doesn’t put same to good use, you can tell that he has a character problem, and it would be wise for ladies in such relationships to quietly back out.
I have seen this pattern before. Lily, a family friend started dating Daniel in their third year in University. Lily got a job straight out of school, while Daniel turned down a bank job his father got for him, because it was too stressful, and then a customer-service job in a Telecommunications company because he couldn’t deal with people’s attitudes.
He managed to rally round for enough money to go for his Masters in the UK, and when he returned, things got worse, because Daniel could not imagine working at entry-level with his Masters degree from UK!!! On two occasions, he had categorically stated at interviews that he was only going to consider an entry-level job, if the pay justified the amount of money he had spent on his Masters degree. It wasn’t long before his parents kicked him out of their house and he moved in with Lily who was staying on her own, in a two-bedroom apartment.
Daniel got so comfortable with watching TV and playing PlayStation all day, and still having his dinner fixed for him, that he pretty much stopped looking for a job. Lily tried to be subtle about correcting him because she was scared of bruising his ego, but things got to a head, one Monday night, when he complained about the dinner she made when she returned from the office.
A frustrated Lily exploded, and used some choice words that left Daniel flagger basted. It didn’t end there! She broke up with him that night and helped him move his lazy behind out of her house. Exactly a year later, Lily walked down the aisle with a guy she had been turning down because of Daniel.
Last I checked, Daniel was working as a Marketer for a start-up company, earning way less than the bank job he had turned down. His parents have refused to assist him in getting a job, and he has passed the age that most companies require for entry-level staff.
So before you choose to wait for his potential to turn into something tangible, be sure he has the right working mindset, and is ready to put in the work. Don’t just stay with a dreamer, stay with a dream-chaser!
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