Of cleavage, piercings and tattoos

by The Toolsman

Hey people,  I have a bit to go over today so let’s just dive into it. There seems to be an endless  argument between guys and girls about the pros and cons of embracing  certain fashion/not-so-fashion related fads and I just thought it’d  be good to settle it once and for all. Here we go:


It’s no secret that the average man is a visual being. We love to  look and we’ll look even more when we see something we love. Boobs. No  man can deny them (yes, even the self confessed ass men). That being said, with unofficial stats claiming there are now 9 women to one man,  this only means there’s a lot of cleavage out there. The only thing that will make yours any different from the next girl is: packaging. As much as we love to see, even the most unimaginative men I know love a little tease. The rule here for me:

Leave something for us to imagine. Wear the low neck tops showing just about enough to get us thinking but for  most men, when the V’s become wide U’s, the needle on that meter begins  to sway in the “lay” direction.

 Butt crack

A couple of years back, this seemed to be the order of the day with  our women. They blamed it on those low rise denims even though when I  went deeper, I was told by some girls that as much as it started out  unconsciously, they realized that it attracted some guys and hence they  continued doing it. A good example occurred one day when I met up with a female friend at an eatery. As we waited for our order, a girl walked  in and sat right opposite us. The moment she sat down, she revealed a huge crack that ran all the way to the err.. vanishing point. It was a  red flag, no one could miss it. And as my friend and I noticed it, she immediately made to get up to go and inform the gurl. The waiter brought our order just then and as I tried to stop my friend from getting up,  the waiter chipped in telling her “Aunty, don’t disturb yourself, she knows what she’s doing, just leave her.”

My friend, being the “near-feminist” she is, ignored our warning and walked up to inform Miss Red flag. She returned moments later cursing and hating herself for not heeding our warning. Why? The girl gave her the lecture of her life on minding her own business.


This is another part I’m really hoping you guys will help me out with. From the little research I’ve done with guys, the opinions are almost unanimous. Let me break it down using ear piercings:

1 piercing = good girl, well brought up, wifey.

2 piercings = adventurous, fashionable/exciting girl, possible wifey

3 piercings+ = (red flag), borderline promiscuous girl, overly independent, LAY

Nose, eye brows, navel, tongue, lip piercings usually range between category 2 and 3 depending on the guy in question. I can already hear a lot of the ladies yelling. This is why we are here. I didn’t come up with this categorization alone, they are strictly based on random surveys I took.


Somewhat similar to cleavage as far as I’m concerned. Maybe I’m too much of a fan of the tease but I think I’d be more excited if upon meeting a girl she told me she had a tattoo “somewhere” and discovering it would depend on how well things turned out between us. This as opposed to me noticing a huge cross on her upper arm upon our first encounter.

A little butterfly at the “small of her back”, sensual words tracing her collar bone, little hearts somewhere below the navel… these are just some examples but you get the point. Call me old or stuck in my ways but except you’re some kind of celebrity or public figure, I really don’t think a huge red rose on your upper arm adds any value or does it?

This list keeps growing longer as I write but I think I’ll stop here so I can get feedback from you guys. Then again, maybe I should just add one more set: Anklets/Waist beads/Toe rings. (I can already hear one of my friends laughing).

I really will not mind coming back home to a mildly lit room, sensual candles burning, some background Arabian music playing with my gorgeous girlfriend/wife dressed as an Arabian princess with waist beads and even an anklet on (yes, we endorse role play here) gently laying on the bed. This would probably get me excited for days but that’s where it should stop.

When things like that get outside the bedroom, it just sends the wrongest signals ever. Have you ever listened to a convo between two guys checking out a girl with visible waist beads? I can bet you 9 out of 10 of such convos will probably throw up the word sex more than wifey or evengirlfriend. Don’t even get me started on toe rings, I’ll leave that for you guys.

So there you go, time to speak your piece, for the ladies, let us have your views on why you’d go with any of the things on my list and for the guys, what’s your take on the subject, do you share some of my views or not? Cheers.

The Toolsman is the editor of www.thenakedconvos.com (@TheNakedConvos)

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Comments (3)

  1. I agree with you about piercings plus sha o – which kain nyama nyama be dat

  2. You ARE a goat!: )

cool good eh love2 cute confused notgood numb disgusting fail