by Uche Onyeneke

Being a man of God comes with certain privileges: I mean apart from the privileges we already know of, there are others that come with the job. As a man of God, you are pretty much above board. You are above us mere mortals who don’t have access to your levels of grace. It doesn’t matter what atrocity you’ve committed, what lies you’ve told…

 Adding my two cents to an issue that pretty much every Nigerian blogger, pretend blogger (e.g. me), Twitter user and net citizen has added their own two cents to methinks adds up to a very pretty sum. Honestly, before the scandal broke, I had not heard of any church called COZA (Common Wealth of Zion Assembly) not to talk of another new generation pastor named Biodun Fatoyinbo. I know of too many already. Initially, when #COZA started showing up regularly on my time line, I thought it was another viral campaign, some sort of new #Kony2012. I ignored it.  When the articles started, I became curious.

Whether Mr. Fatoyinbo ‘did’ or didn’t ‘do’ we may never know. Did Ese Walter lie? Did she tell the truth? That we may also never know except incontrovertible proof is presented. Even if the proof is eventually presented, the whole issue will go the way of other controversies that have raised dust clouds: the dust will settle and everyone will return to their poor, middle-class or affluent lives to await the next one. Holy slap, anyone? Here are a few lessons which I think can be learnt from this scandal to be applied to the next scandal that will no doubt arise in a matter of days, weeks or months.

 

1. People attribute silence with guilt. When a scandal breaks, a swift response from the other party might not settle issues but it will at least give another perspective, another angle to the issues in contention. The continued silence of the pastor has confirmed in many minds his guilt. He may not be guilty, but his refusal to tell his own side, or rather his obedience to ‘God’ who has told him to be silent does not help his case much.

 

2. Being a man of God comes with certain privileges: I mean apart from the privileges we already know of, there are others that come with the job. As a man of God, you are pretty much above board. You are above us mere mortals who don’t have access to your levels of grace. It doesn’t matter what atrocity you’ve committed, what lies you’ve told, or any other horrible thing you may have done, you will still have your supporters aka Voltrons, in whose eyes you can do no wrong. They would even find an excuse to justify what you have done. To this day, Rev. King’s supporters still believe he is being witch hunted. Don’t even get me started on the ‘Holy Slap’. Even with video footage the Voltrons were out to support their pastor. Being a Man of God confers an almost god-like status on you. Forget that humans are not perfect and are susceptible to weaknesses of the flesh. As a Man of God, YOU’RE PERFECT. Keep saying it. Don’t stop talking it.

 

3. Your past will always come back to haunt you. We all have those creaky and rickety skeletons in our closets. God knows I do. Someday they will come back for you. As I know mine will.  Many believe the good pastor to be guilty because of his alleged past actions. Doesn’t matter, if they were rumors back then, or if they actually happened. As long as they belong in your past they will come back like a troubled ghost to haunt you. Forget that bible verse that goes “…. old things are passed away…” In today’s World, your past events are not totally passed away, not with social media available to remind you. Ask the murderers on death row. The good Pastor is alleged to have had a randy past in Ilorin. This played a part in shaping public opinion in some quarters. “My friend’s uncle’s third cousin said the man slept with her husband’s nephew’s girlfriend, so for that, I believe he did it. He did it!”

The lesson for you and me here, my dear reader, is that our past has already gone. We can’t change it. We might have done things that we are not proud of, but henceforth let’s try to do things that will not add more to the arsenal of those that might come for us, both literally and figuratively, in future. Also do all you can to deny/quell/crush/quash any rumors about you as soon as they poke their ugly heads, cos once they settle eh….?

 

4. Being a Pastor comes with certain disadvantages: Yep there are many advantages to being a pastor. But there are also disadvantages which may or may not outweigh the advantages. You may not have noticed it, but we are having a new generation of agnostics and atheists. A good number of Nigerians these days no longer trust churches and pastors. To be fair, some of them do almost nothing to inspire confidence. With their lavish, self-serving and ‘holey’ lifestyles (pun intended slightly). This makes it pretty easy for people to believe everything negative said about them. The so-called new generation pastors have it worse. As long as you belong to this group, some find it hard not to believe the things said about you, guilty or not.

 

5. The ‘God told me’ line still works as well as ever: “Brethren praise the Lord, I said somebody praise the Lord! Somebody say an EARTH-SHAKING, HELL-SHATTERING, and DEMON-DESTROYING HALLELUIA! Brethren, last night, as I was wanking my wife, the Lord came to me, and he said something to me. He said, son, tell my people, brethren the Lord told me to tell you….” you know the line. Whatever outrageous thing you want to say to your congregation, whatever outrageous demand you want to make of them, preface it with ‘God told me’. One of the most effective phrases in modern day, Nigerian Christendom. It works wonders.

 

6. These days there is no such thing as bad publicity. We all should know this one by now. Some may differ, but as I pointed out at the beginning of this piece, I had not heard of a church called COZA. Apart from imagining it as a new viral campaign, I thought it could be some sort of arts or sports festival à la COJA or FESTAC. Now, about a week later, I’ve learnt from various articles a bit about the church. Don’t doubt that this controversy will drag some people, if only out of curiosity, to the church. In this digital age, controversy sells. Even in the church.

So brethren, with this few points of mine, I hope I have been able to convince you, and not confuse you, as to the truth of my lessons today. Keep operating at a higher level of grace. See y’all next Sunday!

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Uche Onyeneke tweets from @Uchemayboy

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.