by Jennifer Ehidiamen
Some of us ladies are dating someone whose loyalty/faithfulness we secretly question.
The beauty about modern day technology is that even though you are cut off from your regular base, the fact that you are following issues from that base on Twitter, or nosing around to read updates from similar source, you are able to keep in touch with everything- both the good, the bad and the ugly.
The news streaming down my Twitter timeline is disheartening. It is hard not to frown at the insanity of men burning up a fellow human- four young men lost to junglejustice. It is hard to look the other way when everywhere you turn is a failed government system and an angry generation staring back at you. No matter how far you are away, these news bits reel on. It is sickening.
But this post is not about Nigeria. Well, not directly. This post is not about our greedy government leaders. This post is about you and I and how we are shaping our value system for a better or worse tomorrow. A society that fail to build a healthy value system and ridicule efforts to build the character of its citizens is of course compromising on its future.
Where dogs breed
Today I read the story about the lawyer who committed suicide after his double-life standard with two women was exposed, leaving behind a ridiculous amount of debt. This example is one too many- of the kind of low-life some of our men are settling into these days. Should we be worried?
I am not going to quote any jaw-breaking statistics or eye-popping case studies just yet- this is more a heart-to-heart-talk.
Picture me sitting on my bed- one leg folded beneath the other like a child. Laptop placed on the warm blanket covering my naked legs. I’s as human as most people that you come across every day. Hopefully, this post will not appear sanctimonious.
The culture of single as 1
My close friend once said that until you say “I do” before a priest or marriage witnesses you are still as single as one (jenniferized version of what he actually said). It does not matter whether or not you have been dating for eight years or engaged to be married in two days. If you have not said those two words, forget it- you are as free as the mocking bird. You have the ticket to sleep with who ever you want and flirt with whoever catches your eyes.
But I do not agree with him. I have my reasons. But those reasons are only valid in the bubble I live in, it seems. I am quickly shut down by the argument from some young men I meet. The reason why men are so unfaithful to their spouse/girlfriends, the reason why men cheat today is because women started it all, they say. We leave that story for another day.
Like my friend, many ‘single’ youth of today through action or inaction have taken to promoting all forms of moral decadence. Some of us ladies are dating someone whose loyalty/faithfulness we secretly question. We cannot bet that our man will not zip down for a quick b* job with the next
available cutie the minute we step out to make a call. Yes, it is that bad. Of course unless we want to live in denial.
The faithful men, breath
Don’t get me wrong- there are still a handful of faithful young men- not necessarily the extremely religious brothers. Every day man who knows what is right and is willing to stand up for it even in the face of taunts of his peers. He says, “I can’t cheat on my baby,” and means it. These are guys shaping up to become ideal men of our generation.
Cheating partners, nymphomaniacs and the rest of them are not new to planet earth- the culture has been here before we got here. But what alarms me is the attitude of “everyone is doing it” that is engulfing our generation. Not to sound like a man-basher but it breaks my heart every time I meet a young man who use the term “men are dogs” as a defence mechanism for this insane behaviour. One minute he is with Miss Charity, a regular bed warmer. The next hour he jumps to aunty Ibukun’s lap. He punches his mobile phone as soon as he gets bored with Angela. Time to porn-chat with Maryln. I mean, really? All within the one-week absence of his supposed girlfriend. The minute she appears, he professes, “I love you.” In the exact same tone he professed to the other bed warmers.
His girlfriend sees red flags in their relationship. But she holds on any way- they have come too far. She is strong and ambitious. He? He is just an entry level businessman and also a dog, he admits.
Women empowerment disenfranchising the men?
I worry though that the increasing focus on the different women empowerment programs is reducing the amount of energy geared towards nurturing boys to become real responsible men. Not just in the area of sexual behaviour but also in other aspect of maturity. Men are idle. Too much focus on women is leaving the men idle. There needs to be a balance. Can we trust these men who cannot faithfully manage their relationship to manage their family as fathers, and the country as government leaders tomorrow?
That is how it starts- cheat on your girlfriend as a young man. Rejoice about not getting caught. Tweak the record on your CV to get your first job. You rise in the field. You bag your first government contract. No accountability. Reports are forged to satisfy the contractor. What kind of leader will you become without an ounce of integrity in you? Anyone who cannot be faithful to his partner will make an insane leader, no matter how good his deliveries are.
Until Nigeria is ripe to have her first female President, I urge that our men of today should be given a little bit more mentorship. But who will mentor them when the older fathers are seemingly as confused? Hello sugar daddies!
Is it impossible to have men with self-respect and self-confidence override those who have by choice settled for anything less than that? You cannot be a chronic player and still boast of being a man of integrity at the same time. It won’t add up. More lies will mean being continually chased by your shadow, of course unless your conscience is dead to the reverence of God.
Cheating Spouse Anonymous
Like Alcoholic Anonymous AA-group, we definitely need some “Cheating Spouse Anonymous-CSA” to spring up here and there. If we are to enjoy the true bliss of relationship and marriage, we must tame this ugly monster that is promoting men as our pathetic dogs in broad daylight.
Dear men, get your self-esteem back and be a man and not a dog.
And ladies, please keep those underwears on. The men say we are the ones turning them into stray dogs.
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.