Every day on the Nigerian internet, there are people who keep our eyes glued to our phone screens as we read their rants, opinions, perspectives on political and social matters, etc. Sometimes, they are just downright ridiculous. We make it our job to take down the names of these noisemakers.

Here’s our list from today:

 

1 Chibok girls

It’s all joy today as the parents of the abducted Chibok girls who were recently released finally saw their children after three years. The release of the 82 Chibok girls occurred after negotiations with the Federal Government of Nigeria and Boko Haram, the terrorist group who captured them in the first place,

82 recently released CHIBOK GIRLS unites with parents after 3 years @jag_bros @MP_Muye @MBuhari @BashirAhmaad @APCNigeria pic.twitter.com/L6Nhn2b4mf

— Suleiman (@DantsohoS) May 20, 2017

2. Okang and the Eyo Festival

The Lagos Eyo festival held today and it rained. What a wow.

At the Eyo Festival grounds and it's raining a bloody storm! I'm so disappointed!

I can't believe these guys forgot to hire a rainmaker!

— Okang Ashiwel Ochui (@hey_ashiwel) May 20, 2017

Who would have thought?

Mr Aye Dee says it’s nothing new:

Erm It has rained on the day of Eyo Festival before, I remember sometime in the late 80s, early 90s, it was on the day of a major downpour.

— Mr. Aye Dee (@MrAyeDee) May 20, 2017

People who seem to know neither the culture or the history of Lagos talking about it never rains and other balderdash.

— Mr. Aye Dee (@MrAyeDee) May 20, 2017

We hear you, sailor.

3 Ayisha Osori

Trevor Noah, SNL Live and political satirists are making it rain in America. Can we export this success to Nigeria?

Elnathan John thinks not. Ayisha worries about the backlash.

If we had Saturday Night Live type satire aimed at Nigerian politicians their fans would be more pained & traumatized than the politicians

— Ayisha Osori (@Naijavote) May 20, 2017

https://twitter.com/elnathan_john/status/865829357935374337

4. Juliet Kego

Speaking of hero worship, Juliet has an advice for all Buharists and GEJites.

Tip -If you're always on Twitter, arguing with everyone/insulting their ancestors over HERO/MESSIAH, please consider monetizing your content

— Juliet 'Kego (@julietkego) May 20, 2017

There's always a formation -foot-soldiers do the DIVISIVE dirty work;
Top hierarchy across ALL divides make DEALS. Are you a blind soldier??

— Juliet 'Kego (@julietkego) May 20, 2017

Ya’ heard?

5. The Goddess

Public Service Announcement:

Man utd fans please! no fornication entering this new week and please pay your tithes tomorrow. Let it not be because of you.

— The Goddess ✨ (@Brendalishus) May 20, 2017

6. Nonso simply wants God to do

Public compound is stress. Baba God pick me

My neighbor just said men consume more power than women so she wont pay d same electricity bill

— Nonso (@Seriousist_) May 20, 2017

7. Wale and his barbing woes

Turns out it’s not only ladies who bother about their hair. Guys do too. Follow the conversation:

Every barbershop has "the wack barber" and I just had to reject one. It doesn't get easier.

— Wale Lawal (@WalleLawal) May 20, 2017

We've got to do what we've got to do bro.

— ST. (@seyitaylor) May 20, 2017

For real. The guy was so shocked but Abeg.

— Wale Lawal (@WalleLawal) May 20, 2017

He should sorry abeg.

— ST. (@seyitaylor) May 20, 2017

All you vain fine boys…barbing is a confidence game, it's not a profession, it's not even a trade sef (they don't used to do freedom)

— Yinka Adegoke (@YinkaWrites) May 20, 2017

The most important talent a good barber has is to make you feel a million bucks, regardless of what he's done to your head.

— Yinka Adegoke (@YinkaWrites) May 20, 2017

But once his hand starts to shake and he can't make eye contact in the mirror…game over. We're done.

— Yinka Adegoke (@YinkaWrites) May 20, 2017

I mean, the barber that did this by accident to Bobby Brown, told him he looked great (here's Bobby looking in the mirror first time) pic.twitter.com/YfAEflGLt4

— Yinka Adegoke (@YinkaWrites) May 20, 2017

Man, I know that after-cut mirror squint so well.

— Wale Lawal (@WalleLawal) May 20, 2017

All my best barbers in New York, learned their trade 'inside'. Sometimes when it went wrong and they told me it went right, I quietly agreed

— Yinka Adegoke (@YinkaWrites) May 20, 2017

Laughing out loud.