Every day on the Nigerian internet, there are people who keep our eyes glued to our phone screens as we read their rants, opinions, perspectives on political and social matters, etc. Sometimes, they are just downright ridiculous. We make it our job to take down the names of these noisemakers.

Here’s our list from today:

1 EFCC

The anti-graft commission has finally recorded a win after months of taking Ls on Twitter for engaging in media trials that bear no fruit in court.

JUST IN: Prof Benjamin Ogunbodede, Ex-DG Inst of Agric Research & Training sentenced to 40years in prison for defrauding the Inst of N177m.

— EFCC Nigeria (@officialEFCC) October 3, 2017

Is this where we say, ‘hear, hear’? Not if Twitter has anything to do with it. Alozie was swift to remind the EFCC that technically, it’s not their win, effectively setting into motion this back and forth:

 

2. Ibe Kachikwu

The Minister of Petroleum Resources went on record in a letter addressed to the president, detailing his issues with the Group Managing Director of NNPC, Baru.

So a couple of questions: Why a letter? Why couldn’t Mr Kachikwu arrange a meeting with Mr President? What’s all this infighting about- North vs East? Leave it to Twitter to provide suitable commentary:

3. Reno Omokri grieves with Kachikwu.

Very sad that even the Minister of state for Petroleum resources can't even see the President who is the minister of Petroleum resources!

— Reno Omokri (@renoomokri) October 3, 2017

Ayobami explains why a letter was necessary.

Kachikwu can't even get an appointment with the President. I'm sure Buhari supports Baru in this. No point

— Ayobami (@dondekojo) October 3, 2017

4. Chukwuemeka catches all the emotions in that letter.

Kachikwu looks like he was crying when writing that letter. Man has been marginalised.

— Emeka (@EmekaEmezue) October 3, 2017

And Demola Olarewaju breaks down the implications:

Resignation is always an option and Kachikwu should be reminded that nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

— Demola Olarewaju (@DemolaRewaju) October 3, 2017

Ibe stated the problems. Stated remedies. But did not state what his actions would be if d president takes no step; his letter is incomplete

— SPEAKER (@IsaacIRichard) October 3, 2017

The #KachikwuRevelations show, this Govt isn’t fighting corruption and can only be said at best to be fighting corrupt persons not in APC.

— Demola Olarewaju (@DemolaRewaju) October 3, 2017

Even with that, they’re failing: if you fight a corrupt person and fail to secure a conviction, you embolden other would-be corrupt persons.

— Demola Olarewaju (@DemolaRewaju) October 3, 2017

5. Donald Trump

President Trump has been saying all the wrong things to Puerto Rico, following the hurricane devastation to the island.

WATCH:

Watch Trump say Puerto Rico officials should be "proud’" more haven’t died like in "a real catastrophe like Katrina." pic.twitter.com/TZ4TCJO9zl

— Washington Post (@washingtonpost) October 3, 2017

Twitter did not take it smiling. Someone asked Trump point blank what he had been smoking.

[Americans spew vitriol onTrump]

6. Sam Hart

The #BuyNaijaToGrowTheNaira campaign is still on. Have you heard of the Made in Aba Fashion show?

See details below:

Made In Aba Fashion Show New York is upon us.

Details below.

Praying for a successful outing. pic.twitter.com/quv9Gj3Wui

— Sam Hart (@hartng) October 3, 2017

7. Demola Olarewaju

What is this monstrosity, biko? There’s a subliminal message in this. Demola tells us what this means:

Hundreds of exquisite bakers in Nigeria but this is what makes it to the top.

Pictorial evidence that we’re not fielding our best squad. pic.twitter.com/Ggi3B788bg

— Demola Olarewaju (@DemolaRewaju) October 3, 2017

Bonus:

We jest, we play, we say standards will rise as incomes rise, meanwhile Nigerians are now using cow meat for Asun.

— Wry (@nickleke) October 3, 2017

Hey, God.