by Ifreke Inyang [@ifreke]
[4th – 9th Apr, 2011]
MONDAY: “Morning twitter… I’m enjoying seeing y’all complain about work and school… From my bed.” @mrfabulash tweeted as the first working day of the week swung by. @lyrical9 didn’t complain about school. He instead prayed for success. “I’m on my way 2 skool,” he said in his tweet.”Pls GOD, make this level my best so far academically and in all ramifications..Amen!” @iamdjillskillz wanted a different kind of help. “I need someone to lock my Twitter .. Facebook .. SKYPE .. or just seize my laptop for 2 weeks..,” he tweeted. @incremantix got the assistance he wanted, however. “Credit alert! My popsie has sent me the money. The scam worked sha!” he gleefully tweeted.
TUESDAY: @Ugo_Thomas used some of his money to pick up new stuff. “Shopping was great! Got maself new headfones nd sweatshirts…Choi.! I was sooo close to picking up those black n yellow bbd (BeatsByDre)” he told us in his tweets. Meanwhile, @Sammieoks was somewhere else lusting after the staff of a company. “Gosh! British council staff are hot!! At least the ones in the reception! Too bad they’re older than me!” he tweeted. Jose Mourinho is much older than Pep Guardiola and @moneybaron emphasised that much in his tweet. “Jose Mourinho is still a big daddy for ‘Puppy Guardiola’. When Pup does 150 unbeaten home runs across the continent, let him give me a call.” Mourinho, who lost the record the previous weekend, started a new run with the Champions League game with Emmanuel Adebayor playing a crucial role. “ADEBAYOR IS NOW 10/10 AGAINST SPURS.” @eromzy tweeted. “10 GOALS IN 10 GAMES AGAINST SPURS.”
WEDNESDAY: @Rhecks was more interested in excelling in other things. “In the past year, I’ve been drawn to doing an MA but haven’t been able to decide what to major in. Film? Media? Social Anthropology?” she tweeted. @fabolous2k7 who is pretty new on Twitter wasn’t off his first love, Facebook yet. “I was tryna reply a notification on FB, & afta pressing d menu button, I was looking for Retweet. *smh*”. @itsjustAYO, a frequent tweeter sent a message to someone who unfollowed him. “Shoutout to dat dude dat unfollowed!!! D money for ma bank acct no reduce!” he tweeted with sarcasm. “I don’t knw y UBA wld b puttin smileys in my bank alert….true story…” @datguytomi wondered.
THURSDAY: @CodedApparel wanted to verify the truth behind one girl’s story, so he asked in his tweet, “Abeg Unilag don admit new pple??…One babe for my estate jus dey gist me say she jus get admission oo…” @TheExtrovertKid did all he could do to hide the truth though. “The mistake I’ve just made could get me FIRED,” he revealed. “But I could just sweep it under the proverbial rug, right? **cue EVIL laughter**” There was however no hiding place – rug or otherwise – for @Shakar_EL. His network provider yanked him off BIS services. “Chineke God! BIS don expire. This rubbish Orange network should be sending me a reminder naa, now I got to go back to the shop again…ahhhhh”
FRIDAY: @EbonyHauteDiva was pissed off about a tragic event which happened in Suleja. The INEC office was bombed and several people lost their lives, while others were injured. “Choiii Naijaa!! Naijaaa!! God help my country!! RIP to the INEC officials dat died or got hurt. God plsss plss plss take care of my Mommy 4me..” she prayed in her tweet. @Nixienuga looked at the incident from another perspective. “Whoever wins whatever in these elections should better pray all the human sacrifices don’t haunt them..” she said in her tweet. As we got ready for the elections, @MafabaAlaso had a word of advice for us. “If u wanna sell ur vote, be wise abt it! Be a business man. Go to D’Banj, learn his ways nd be wise!”
SATURDAY: From @LalaGidiBoi’s tweet, we deduced that some people didn’t heed the advice. “ACN is buying boys beer in my area… Even if I’m a beer fan ..I’m not gonna be a part of this… Where are we headed? @eggheader told us in his tweet about other disheartening events happening in other parts of the country. “Thugs lead by Dotun Adebowale popular know as Mere attack Jide Omoworare house dis morning at Ile Ife, Osun State #NigeriaDecides” he tweeted. This led to a not so favourable review which @OwenGeeNaija didn’t like. “The BBC report on Nigeria isn’t good at all,” he tweeted angrily. “The reporter is talking like we are a terrorist country with so many bomb reports. GOD PUNISH DEM!” @eLDeethedon didn’t also share in BBC’s verdict. “Ppl r voting, d process is pretty smooth here at my polling station. Ppl r waitin their turn & we havnt seen any touts or toutish behaviour.”
Gbagaun of the week: Have your pick!
@Eiera: Thank God for that slept. It was much needed
@ju9drush: Just ate rice and sweet n sour chicken source
@DemiladeR This traffic is the worst I have ever drive in my life.
@joedeclan: I just gasses and errbody pretends not to smell it #swagger mess
@hadededge: I have a strong feeling U were talked abt me today.. Ok spill it I’m listen.
@TosynBerry: I can’t parking o
@OluOmoOfLasgidi: Nw following you all, kindly follower back
@MsCAS12: Try get a job and you can pays for a fuels
@ItsMrSholz: Happy birthday Babs ‘Idrinkonlyrose’ I wonder how many bottles are get wasted today
Recommended: Follow @ReclaimNaija, @EiENigeria and @bubusn to keep abreast of election issues/news.
Rant of the week: @drealanastasia: Dis geh cn lyk to handle ma hair wiv care abi she wan uproot d small hair I dey manage
Retweet of the week: @streetlife: Just check ur dstv. If u lose connection, rain is about 2 fall » “@Jazzofficial: Does anybody know what time the weather changes?”
Tweet of the week: @MrOdada: And so my exams has been #Jega’d twice…wonder what tomorrow will bring?!
Seriously tweeting: @MbongAmata: I’d rather cry in a yatch in Monaco than in a Keke Napep in Maraba
Quote my tweet: @muyiwakaaku: Pls XTRAORDINAIRE ENT has nothing to do with peak awards nomination list..It wuz done by individuals in each skools..We are handling only the pre-party April 28th at Rehab.. Tanx
Twitter Beef: @Ugo_Thomas: I dunno sha,buh its eithr ths fool @kazebleek is a boyboy’, boyfriend, admirer, bodyguard or just a dummy to tha babe he defendin…buh he aint tryin @ all, just makn a big mess of hmself nd all….iHope she dates yo blackass after ths dude. iReally hope
@kazebleek: I no b gay again??
@Ugo_Thomas: *Dude…you can like to leave now…#ThankYou.
@Ugo_Thomas: The annoying part of it all is that this olodo kazebleek is forming ‘chics man’….
@kazebleek: Dude na 2dae! Im making money now abeg!
@Ugo_Thomas: *Money ke…pls dnt gimme that crap you ugly wretched fool
@kazebleek: Who be dis one?? Abegggi waka!
@Ugo_Thomas: Bloody faggot wanna chyke me nd ma bro…
@kazebleek: Ode! D height of stupidity!
@Ugo_Thomas: I wanna go back to ma drawings now…. So @kazebleek could you please spare me..? Nd yerr… iWould wanna watch teevee too, so maybe some other time….#iHopeThatsOk asswipe…?
@kazebleek: @Ugo_Thomas Dude dont be a Coward! Just defend urself on that tweet, simple. Stop saying I’m gay mehn! U can do better…
@Ugo_Thomas: haha…nd how can iTell when u been acting all gay around her, huh.?
@kazebleek: It’s obvious! U dont knw d meaning of d word “gay”
@Ugo_Thomas: Choi, iJust wasted ma whle nite tweeting at that confused being….abeg where are the sane peeps on me TL….time to tweet at them.
@kazebleek: @Ugo_Thomas.. U #twitterMostFoolishMan. U use words dat u dont knw d meaning. D only 1 u knw is “fool” n dats cos u 1.. Kill ya self!
@Ugo_Thomas: Nd m sure tha babe ws just smewhere els enjoying herself why ths confused boy ws just making a big mess of hmself for no good reason. Chai….#SufferHead no good ma people…..smh
RT @kazebleek: iTold @Ugo_Thomas he lukd lik a kid in his 4ma avatr.It rily hurt him n he’s changd it. Lmaooo!
@Ugo_Thomas: *Haha…how totful of u to tell me, well iChanged cos iFelt like. You cnt order me around here you know…#DealWithIt
Foot Note: Many thanks to @Pengboiz for providing some of the tweets used in this roundup. You too can become a Twirrespondent too. It’s quite easy. Get funny, witty and interesting tweets from your timelines and send it to me.