Women: 5 reasons you’re still single

Photo credit: Black African woman

by Aderonke Adebanjo

I had to write this because I get very interesting questions from time to time. There must be reasons women who want to be in a relationship are still single, right?

(Guys, I’m not sure this applies to you because it seems whenever you’re ready, you can just up and get a relationship. Although, it does appear that even the guys are having a hard time these days. Is that true?)

Here are some reasons why I think women are still single these days (in no particular order)*:

1. You’re not approachable.

Girl, you need to SMILE. Period. Guys need some green-light action so when they glance over and you don’t smile back, they take it as a “don’t even think about it” signal. This is what my male friends tell me. Another reason why you might be unapproachable could be because you are always surrounded by your girlfriends! Some women don’t know how to be alone. If you’re always with people how can people walk up to you? Try going to the movies alone, jogging, taking a walk, and see what happens…

2. You haven’t figured out your life’s purpose.

Yup! I always say “before you ask someone to go on a journey with you, you have to know where you’re going”. In this case, the journey is a relationship or marriage. You kinda have to know where it is you want to go in life before you take someone along. We are growing everyday so you won’t have it all figured out before you pursue a relationship, but at least you’ll know in which direction you’re headed and that will make it easier to decide who to go with on the journey.

3. You aren’t meeting NEW people.

Most people’s routines are so rigid and their social circles have stayed the same for years! They go to work, Church, home, and maybe one or two places and that’s it. No surprise you ain’t found someone all this time! You know they say “madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result” I’m not saying you’re mad, but maybe it’s time to change things up a little bit. How? You ask. Well, by changing up where you go and going out with a variety of friends. Have a diverse pool of friends and hang out with different groups. You’ll probably meet new people that way. Network. Follow up on business contacts. Tap into all your affiliations not just because you want a romantic relationship but also because you want richer friendships and a richer life.

4. The guys around you are straight up not ready!

Yup! ‘Cos girl, you KNOW you got it going on. You’re beautiful, hardworking, friendly, fun, etc. but the dudes around you are either SUPER blind, intimidated (in which case it’s okay), or they’re not your type. So, what do you do in this case? Hmmm, you could try the tips in #3 and see how that goes 🙂 or honey, call on Jesus to order the right dude’s steps!

5. You’re being unrealistic.

Hmm, this is an interesting one. I believe everyone should have non-negotiables when it comes to relationships but I guess sometimes the expectations can be unrealistic. I always say that we put too much pressure on other human beings to be PERFECT. We really shouldn’t expect more from others than we are ourselves. My Pastor said something the other day that was very profound. He said a lot of women are looking for oak trees (ready-made, already established men) when they should be looking for acorns (men with potential). I know a lot of women especially after a certain age don’t want to be with “potential” but when he said that, I realized that there will be some kind of potential in the guy that only a woman can bring out. Haven’t you noticed that when your male friends get married, shortly after they get that “marriage glow”? I notice it all the time! It’s the woman! She’s bringing out the best in him. So, ladies, don’t be afraid of potential anymore. Just get with the kind of potential you are comfortable with.

Phew! So, what do y’all think? What other reasons do you think explain why women and men are STILL single?

*These are just observations and from my conversations!

About the author

———-

Aderonke is a radio and television broadcaster, singer, songwriter, poet, lover of LOVE a.k.a. hopeful romantic(!), and daughter of God. I enjoy good conversation and a great laugh. You can catch her on Smooth 98.1FM and on Twitter @aderonkehiica. For more on her views on relationships, read her blog The Love Chest.

 

           

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Comments (20)

  1. the writer may be correct in her own perspective but not all will take what she said as a final assessment to marriages…any single girl/guy who is up to a marriage age and he/she is not getting any approach from her male/female counterpart,he/she should start to ask God for direction..it could be that its Spiritual just as one poster said and in other hand, it could be that ppl tend to be selective,choosy..like, this is my type! this is my class!! and at the end of such a selection, we see the selection/marriage ends up in a messy, they wish they never even entered into it…

    My opinion, i will advice every human being created by God to seek his/her purpose in life..to find out what he/she is born to do..not just come,get educated,achieve the achievable, marry,have children and die at the end of it all…we all think wat we are all doing here is our purpose in life…we misunderstood every thing!!!

    We need to seek God face in our life purpose and wife and children!!! that all i can say!!

  2. Remmart, i think yu ar d bigger fool for even mentioning that some1 else is a fool. Are yu blind? Can't yu read? What happened to "removing the log from ur eyes b4 removing the speck from another person's eye"? Remmart yu must be very dumb for the words yu are using which yu tink makes yu clever! In as much as i respect n appreciate Ronke's views, Agnes, as a married lady, also has a huge point. She speaks from a married woman's perspective who did not have t go through ol that Ronke has laid down to get married. Listen to both points and make a reasonable conclusion on the subject matter! I doubt if Ronke ever conducted a community profile on single ladies of marriageable age with the hope of finding certain pointers as to why they remain single. I totally agree with Agnes that being single can be of choice as well….

    1. o'jquest you see you are the biggest fool for following blindly.your friend Agnes who is married should give us tips on marriage and being single since she knows so much but no, she can't because she has nothing to offer but to criticise. show me your friend and I will tell who you are.if I am dumb then you are the dumbest for using the same words you object to.My advice ,if Ronke did not" conduct a community profile" why don't you try doing it and not be like your friend who can only criticise without substance.

  3. Loooool!!! Public comments can be so hilarious! People who never spoke or gave opinions anywhere else get a chance to open their mouth…and what comes out …each to his opinion but must you be rude?? Na wa o!

  4. @Debo: Wrong education is more harmful than no education. That something appears to make sense, doesn't make it right. There are many fundamental flaws with this article, it is built on an unproven assumption that women are single because of something they've done wrong or not doing. This is long-held belief that couldn't be further from the truth.

    1. Read the last sentence again mr education, it says the article is based on observation and conversation with people. they are no hard and fast rules, it is just giving clues of what might be the reasons DUMBO. mr EDUCATION I

      SABI PASS MY TEACHER

  5. @Remmart: Are you sure you can read at all? It's the writer who decided to make being single a problem. So the question naturally arises, if you know so much about what makes women, especially, single, why haven't you fixed the problem in your own life? It's not a hateful question, it only comes narturally.

    1. you must be a fool, people don't just jump into marriage for the sake of marrying, they ask God for divine guidance for the right partner.It is not a problem to be single until God's time,but people like you tend to push the younger ones into fire by making marriage look like heaven and if they don't get married at a certain time then they have commited a big sin, or what do you mean by "fixing the problem in your own life"

      you really must be an illiterate or how does talking on issues concerning singles become "it's the writer who decided to make being single a problem"

      you sound uncoordinated. Ja kuro lori net fun mi jare.

  6. Looking at this piece objectively, irrespective of the writer's authority, I call this a good, rational and educative piece.

    It is not exhaustive but is educative.

  7. what is your problem, is it a crime to be single, it shows you know the writer and you are either jealous or hateful your language tone shows it. please grow up and don't join the pull them down syndrome.Shame on you, I expected you would be making meaningful contribution as a married woman to advise the single ones . rather you choose to be spiteful. My advise grow up and be useful to the society as the writer is trying to be.

  8. "its So So Painful,That Girls Of This Ages,Dn't Even Know How 2 COOK,Not 2 Talk Of 2 Boil Water.ALL in The Name Of FASTFOODS,FASTMAN, FASTMONEY,FASTCARS,etc. ALL They Know is FAST This, FAST That.Lack Of Home Training,Just Like Mothers Like Daughters.

  9. Makes some sense but like even the writer knows, its not exhaustive. There are no hard and fast rules with such things,one could be single out of choice, or probably hasn't met the right guy yet or it could even be spiritual, yes I said it! And some people are really just indifferent…. I'm actually getting tired of reading all these 5 this and 5 that, they're fun to read but don't really hold any weight with me. Pls know that all our paths in life are different and no two stories are the same, u'll be a fool to follow these "rules" slavishly. Btw Happy Easter people!!!

  10. She is still single, yes but the write-up makes sense.

  11. @Kayode: God bless you.

    It just seems like an easy path to fame is to start giving relationship advice. That’s how some single lady was teaching me, a married woman, the process of getting married, this week, while trying to sweep my own position on the matter aside.

    I just laugh when I see these poorly cobbled lists on relationships and I really pity the people who follow these things because misery awaits them.

    That’s how some unhinged and clinically disturbed woman who writes for PM News put her own ‘Why you are 30 and not married’ together. It was an eye-sore. Yet, she has fans. Even serial killers have fans, I guess.

  12. @Kayode: God bless you.

    It just seems like an easy path to fame to start giving relationship advice. That’s how some single lady was teaching me, a married woman, the process of getting married, this week, while trying to sweep my own position on the matter aside.

    I just laugh when I see these poorly cobbled lists on relationships and I really pity the people who follow these things because misery awaits them.

    That’s how some unhinged and clinically disturbed woman who writes for PM News put her own ‘Why you are 30 and not married’ together. It was an eye-sore. Yet, she has fans. Even serial killers have fans, I guess.

  13. @Kayode: God bless you.

    It just seems like an easy path to fame to start giving relationship advise. That's how some single lady was teaching me, a married woman, the process of getting married this week, while trying to sweep my own position on the matter aside. 🙂

    I just laugh when I see these poorly cobbled lists on relationships and I really pity the people who follow these things because misery awaits them.

    That's who some unhinged and clinically disturbed woman who writes for PM News put her own 'Why you are 30 and not married' together. It was an eye-sore. Yet, she has fans. Even serial killers have fans, I guess.

  14. and the writer is still single.

  15. Lovely write up, straight to the point.

  16. Aderonke…..you just killed it…….ur write-up is the fact and a bitter truth. Our chix of nowadays don't wanna work a home out…..dey want already work-out home.

cool good eh love2 cute confused notgood numb disgusting fail