by Aderonke Adebanjo
I had to write this because I get very interesting questions from time to time. There must be reasons women who want to be in a relationship are still single, right?
(Guys, I’m not sure this applies to you because it seems whenever you’re ready, you can just up and get a relationship. Although, it does appear that even the guys are having a hard time these days. Is that true?)
Here are some reasons why I think women are still single these days (in no particular order)*:
1. You’re not approachable.
Girl, you need to SMILE. Period. Guys need some green-light action so when they glance over and you don’t smile back, they take it as a “don’t even think about it” signal. This is what my male friends tell me. Another reason why you might be unapproachable could be because you are always surrounded by your girlfriends! Some women don’t know how to be alone. If you’re always with people how can people walk up to you? Try going to the movies alone, jogging, taking a walk, and see what happens…
2. You haven’t figured out your life’s purpose.
Yup! I always say “before you ask someone to go on a journey with you, you have to know where you’re going”. In this case, the journey is a relationship or marriage. You kinda have to know where it is you want to go in life before you take someone along. We are growing everyday so you won’t have it all figured out before you pursue a relationship, but at least you’ll know in which direction you’re headed and that will make it easier to decide who to go with on the journey.
3. You aren’t meeting NEW people.
Most people’s routines are so rigid and their social circles have stayed the same for years! They go to work, Church, home, and maybe one or two places and that’s it. No surprise you ain’t found someone all this time! You know they say “madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result” I’m not saying you’re mad, but maybe it’s time to change things up a little bit. How? You ask. Well, by changing up where you go and going out with a variety of friends. Have a diverse pool of friends and hang out with different groups. You’ll probably meet new people that way. Network. Follow up on business contacts. Tap into all your affiliations not just because you want a romantic relationship but also because you want richer friendships and a richer life.
4. The guys around you are straight up not ready!
Yup! ‘Cos girl, you KNOW you got it going on. You’re beautiful, hardworking, friendly, fun, etc. but the dudes around you are either SUPER blind, intimidated (in which case it’s okay), or they’re not your type. So, what do you do in this case? Hmmm, you could try the tips in #3 and see how that goes 🙂 or honey, call on Jesus to order the right dude’s steps!
5. You’re being unrealistic.
Hmm, this is an interesting one. I believe everyone should have non-negotiables when it comes to relationships but I guess sometimes the expectations can be unrealistic. I always say that we put too much pressure on other human beings to be PERFECT. We really shouldn’t expect more from others than we are ourselves. My Pastor said something the other day that was very profound. He said a lot of women are looking for oak trees (ready-made, already established men) when they should be looking for acorns (men with potential). I know a lot of women especially after a certain age don’t want to be with “potential” but when he said that, I realized that there will be some kind of potential in the guy that only a woman can bring out. Haven’t you noticed that when your male friends get married, shortly after they get that “marriage glow”? I notice it all the time! It’s the woman! She’s bringing out the best in him. So, ladies, don’t be afraid of potential anymore. Just get with the kind of potential you are comfortable with.
Phew! So, what do y’all think? What other reasons do you think explain why women and men are STILL single?
*These are just observations and from my conversations!
About the author
Aderonke is a radio and television broadcaster, singer, songwriter, poet, lover of LOVE a.k.a. hopeful romantic(!), and daughter of God. I enjoy good conversation and a great laugh. You can catch her on Smooth 98.1FM and on Twitter @aderonkehiica. For more on her views on relationships, read her blog The Love Chest.