Here’s the thing; It will slowly dawn on you that you are different. You will realize that you are not like the other boys and girls. At first, you will have no words to describe this disparity you feel but it’ll be overwhelming. Even in a crowded room, you’ll feel the cold weight of aloneness. You will lie every night and have silent conversations with the moon, imagining different worlds where you belong. You will drift off to sleep thinking of worlds where you are not a shadow in the story but the hero. Worlds where you are seen, heard and understood. But in the morning, you will wake up to a world where it’s the opposite.
You will get called names. Maybe get in a scuffle once, twice, or on a regular. The world around you won’t be comfortable with anyone who doesn’t march to its beat. So, you’d resist or try to fit in. Irrespective of the choice you make, you end up being exhausted at the end of the day. You’ll submerge yourself in something and try to excel at it in a bid to make up for your seemingly dark side.
You increasingly lose yourself in other things – video games, books, music, movies, art, food. These things will end up saving you. You will submerge yourself in something and try to excel at it in a bid to make up for that other unspoken side of you. You will fit into the saying “when you’ve not been served acceptance on a silver plate, you will learn to lick it off knives”. The years will slowly go by.
One day, you’d meet a person or group of people just like you. People with different parents but it would feel like you had a shared childhood, a common history. You will call them your tribe and create a new language with them. Staying in the shadows will no longer be comfortable and you would try to break free. The world will try, as always, to make you stay on its beat, but you are no longer comfortable singing a song that does not align with your soul. You will no longer tolerate the narrative that has vilified you all your life. You will take the pen and you will rewrite your story with bold letters.
Featured image: Brandon Stanciell