Heartbreak (Poetry) – on #WeekendGroove with Damilola Jagun

“Poetry is the language of the soul and the vocal expression of the inner spirit”

 

I carry a burden
I bear a pain
My chest heaves out and in.
I search for slumber, but sorrow seeps in.

My pupils remain dry like the Sahara,
When a tear or two would bring release.

My thoughts assume aimless tirade,
Staring at the dark ceiling
Listening to love-talk on the FM.
Still, you dominate the occupation of my musings.

I’ve lost desire to partake in the nightly norm.
I’ve been gifted with hurt, and I loathe her guts.

I toy back and forth with the details of my affliction,
I swing the blames between our names.
I’m too manly to bear this feminine state.
I tell myself, but I fear it’s late.

I yearn for closure, or a bit of escape.
Yet, even that, the elements starve me.

Is this my portion of the whore named ‘heartbreak?
Was I in love and didn’t recognize her?
Now, I’m antsy, I sit up.
I scramble to my feet, and pace the passage.

The snores of the household bring forth reality.
I’m frozen to a spot as it dawns on me.

The impossible has seen light.
The Jews have been bested in battle.
I’ve been in love, and now she’s gone
I’m left with heartbreak;

The bride of a love gone sour.

Chris Bamidele: 20 technology Dos and Dont’s in a relationship

by Chris Bamidele

Do you find yourself constantly checking your Blackberry—even when you’re on a date? Is your blackberry, iPad, tablet, iPhone etc. closer to you than your partner? Have you ever tried to send a raunchy text to your partner and somehow you realize that you mistakenly sent it to a random friend, your boss or worse your pastor? Have you tried to guess your partner’s password as to have access to their e-mail or twitter DM without their knowledge?

Well, maybe you haven’t experienced any of the issues above; it’s likely that you’ve encountered the intersection of technology and relationships. And maybe you’ve wondered how to set some rules for yourself and your partner having it in mind that mixing love with the latest technology could be a bit cumbersome especially if you have some unexplainable attachment to your gadgets, and sometimes your partner’s. So, let’s look at some dos and don’ts of technology gadgets in a relationship.

  1. DO plug in your partner’s iPhone, Blackberry or computer in when you see the juice is low. That is kindness, it pays to be kind.
  2. DO share the joke with your spouse if you laugh out loud at something on your Blackberry or phone. You don’t want to be selfish.
  3. DO text and email your partner with the same care you did when you first started dating. E- Mails don’t take more than 2 minutes to send. If you have been sending each other online messages, it is not the time to stop. Make time to send sweet-nothings to each other over Facebook, BB, sms, and email especially if you were doing it regularly when you just started dating.
  4. DO upload new music to your partner’s iPod and new books to their kindle (If they have). If they like games on their iPad or tab, download interesting games for them. New tunes, books and games will be a sweet surprise when they see it, and it will show that you think of them and their interests all the time.
  5. DO give technology as a gift, but not for a romantic occasion. Note! If you need to charge it up, plug it in or program it, it probably doesn’t make for a good romantic anniversary present. Try one of those things Davido said his girl doesn’t want in “Aiye” for anniversaries and romantic occasions.
  6. DO have a discussion with your partner about what technologies are OK for big discussions. Personally, I don’t talk about serious issues on phone, I prefer to do in person, and my girl knows. But you and your partner might be fine discussing emotional topics via BBM or DM, just discuss it and make sure you are both fine with it.
  7. DO put away your Blackberry or phone on important occasions. Like when you have a rare date is some rare exotic locations, or you are discussing something very important. And ask your partner to do the same. If you have to pick your call or check your gadgets, take permission from your partner and tell them the level of importance.
  8. DO set a time limit for Internet surfing and BBM/Whatsapp chatting while you’re hanging out together. It can’t just be all about your virtual friends, when your partner is sitting right in front you in flesh and blood.
  9. DO save cute texts, email, voice-notes, and voicemails. Such memories are priceless.
  10. DO check again and again to confirm you have the right number/contact before you hit “send” button while sending raunchy sms/chat/photo. Or else your pastor or a random person might know your raunchy secret, and your pastor might call you for counseling and deliverance.

young man stealing information from womanDON’T use emoticons and/or tech lingo that you know annoys your partner. LOL/ROTFL can be annoying if your partner is telling you how shitty their day has been and how low their boss made them feel at work.

Now that we have the DOS, let’s check the DON’TS.

  1. DON’T exchange email passwords with your partner especially when your relationship is still very fresh and it is not yet defined, no matter how good of an idea it seems.
  2. DON’T hack into your partner’s email or phone to read their messages, just because you assume they are cheating on you – people kill people for this. Even snooping can get out of control.
  3. DON’T send flirty text messages or emails on your company’s device. Before long your director of IT will have a catalogue on you.
  4. DON’T browse while talking to your partner on the phone. You may think you’re a multi-tasking queen/king, but it’s distracting for both of you and it makes it seem like you only half-care about what they are talking about. You can always tell them you are in the middle of something very urgent, and ask for a few minutes to round off and get back on phone.
  5. DON’T bring up important topics in a medium that your partner is uncomfortable with. Don’t send BBM/ Whatsapp chat that you’re mad at him if he/she prefers to hear your voice.
  6. DON’T use emoticons and/or tech lingo that you know annoys your partner. LOL/ROTFL can be annoying if your partner is telling you how shitty their day has been and how low their boss made them feel at work.
  7. DON’T sound snobbish via technology, your partner cannot see your face, your voice will communicate your state of mind. While chatting, don’t just type “Fine! I’ll do it” try “Alright dear, I will get it done”
  8. DON’T bring tech to bed unless it is absolutely necessary. Like when you are both watching something raunchy on it before embarking on the journey to cloud 9.
  9. DON’T walk away before picking a call while your partner is there. They will suspect you of cheating and they would be right. Even if your side chic/assistant boyfriend calls you on the phone, and you must pick up, try to ‘code’ things. Pick and pretend the network is bad, and take permission from your partner to move away. (A sharp babe will follow you sha)
  10. DON’T take send nudes. If you think you must send, don’t include your face and any other part of your body that is easily recognizable. (Like the tattoo on your arm, the birthmark on your chest/thigh). Or else, you might just trend on twitter Nigeria someday.

So friends, do you have any other tech tips for relationships? Share them in the comment box and let’s talk.

——————-

Chris Bamidele blogs at www. dgreatest2.wordpress.com

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

Singer, Britney Spears’ ex-boyfriend cheated with this porn star (LOOK)

by Akan Ido

TMZ is reporting that singer, Britney Spears may have dumped her boyfriend, David Lucado for having inappropriate relationships with a porn star.

According to the website, Spears called it quits after discovering her boyfriend was ‘chilling’ with adult filmstar, Cali Lee – a 5 foot, 96 pound Latina who’s been in the business since 2009.

Reports have it that Lucado and Cali may have met at a bar near Britney’s house.

The singer had announced on Twitter last Thursday that she had split from her boyfriend, whom she started dating in March last year, after video footage reportedly surfaced of him kissing and cuddling an unidentified woman.

Couple alert! What is going on between Katherine Edoho and Ruggedman? [DETAILS]

by Kolapo Olapoju

 

On Thursday, 4 September, Katherine Edoho, the ex-wife of Frank Edoho, was spotted on a movie date at the ‘Genesis deluxe’ cinema at the ‘Palms, Lekki, with Nigerian rap icon, Ruggedman.

Katherine, who has three children from her union with Frank, was seen sporting a short gown, while she stood alone at the terraces, until Ruggedman appeared in his trademark short dreadlocks and glasses, after which he led her to the screening hall.

The pair came to see the newly released ‘Scarlett Johansson and Morgan Freeman’ science fiction flick, ‘Lucy’.

Katherine, who now works as an On-air-personality with Nigeria Info, was married for 10-years to Frank, who anchors game-show, ‘who wants to be a millionaire.’

In an interview she granted some time back, the broadcaster stated that any man who comes into her life would suffer, due to her inability to focus on a relationship.

If the pair’s outing is more than a friendly date, who knows, maybe she has now found the capacity to focus on relationships.

Ruggedman, on the other hand, has been single for what seems like an eternity. In the past, he was linked with Lux Ambassador/actress Laide Olaogun and 9ice’s ex-wife, Toni Payne.

In recent time, he has been linked to singer, Maheeda and actress, Monalis Chinda, after the pair modelled clothes from his ‘twentieth September’ fashion outfit.

The rapper has been busy of late, promoting his new singles, ‘Agidi and 8 figures’ with ‘Wande Coal and Reminisce’ respectively.

When love fluctuates in your relationship, here’s what to do! – On #WeekendGroove with Damilola Jagun

by Damilola Jagun

Before you hastily rush to change your relationship status to ‘single’ or ‘in an open relationship’, why don’t you spare 10 minutes to read this piece, mull on it, and decide afterwards if you want fight, run or persevere.

Does love really fluctuate? I think it does, for me at least, and every other man I know.

Love tends to fluctuate over weeks, months, and years. Basically, over time. Even in one day or an hour, love can and does fluctuate.

The fluctuation does not mean that love disappears from the relationship. It is natural for love to fluctuate from time to time in human relationships, whether we want it or not, like it or not.

What do you do people, when love fluctuates? How do you react when the feelings of affection temporarily waivers?

How will you respond to the inevitable phenomenon called “fluctuation”? What will you do when sh*t hits the fan in your relationship?

Would you lock up shop and throw away the key? Would you quit trying and assume the relationship to be dead?

Would you run away, fret away like a scared chick, or stand and fight?

You say, “Oh, I’m not in love with you anymore. My feelings for you has changed, that is why I am divorcing you. I just know how I feel today is how I’m going to feel the rest of my life and I deserve to be happy.”

Wait a minute! Why not fight for your love, fight for your union together?

Scratch that! You don’t even have to fight. You don’t have to battle nothing to keep your relationship from going awry.

All you have to do is persevere, persevere, and persevere.

Patience and perseverance, – virtues we unfortunately have in short supply in our midst as humans – is the key to a lasting love affair.

It is common knowledge that patience which we lack is the key to the longevity of any relationship, and any association of any kind with anybody for that matter.

My friends, it’s as easy as that. A little patience, a little perseverance = a long solid relationship.

I know, it’s easier said than done. I know because i tell myself this all the time, and i know for a fact that patience and perseverance are virtues that are less inherent in the male gender, which i am unapologetically.

Women, on the other hand do try to persevere until they get filled with our crap, and like humans that they are, subsequently throw in the towel.

Love fluctuates, we panic, we get antsy, we scheme, we hatch plots, we get suspicious and paranoid, and we get worried. We do things to further worsen the temporary situation of ‘fluctuation’, when the most appropriate course of action would have been inaction.

Don’t do nothing, don’t stress, just chill.

Just a little patience, a little trust, a little understanding, ultimately, perseverance. Just because your partner’s head is not in the game doesn’t mean you should quit the match.

Just because he/she is probably distracted by issues that are quite more important and pressing than you at that point in time does not mean they are no longer interested, or in love with you. It’s just a little fluctuation.

Love- which we ignorantly do not realise-, like all things of our universe, is subject to change and the law of gravity, and it will most definitely change (fluctuate) from time to time.

Once we are armed with this knowledge, once we are ready to embrace this fact and stop being in denial about the phenomenon of fluctuation, relationships will last longer, love unions will blossom and flourish, marriages will fail less.

Adaobi Okwy: 10 Steps for moving on when you’ve been dumped (Y! Superblogger)

by Adaobi Okwy

Okay, so you got dumped and you were in love. Like you thought you were going to grow up to be Jay-Z and Beyonce. You’re devastated. You don’t need to read a think piece to tell you this. You probably Googled this, and the miracle of SEO probably brought you here if you asked Google the right questions. You are probably in a stage between trying to win your ex back and trying to let them go. There’s got to be something online that can help you right? Some work of romantic comedy fiction that will reveal some perfect strategy or appropriate emotion for you to feel at this point. Well, chances are you’re not Kate Hudson, Jason Segel, or any of the characters in Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man so the rules of rom-com universes do not apply to you. Your ass has to work. Your ass has to get better. Your ass has to move on. There will be times to hurt, and a time to have meaningless sex with strangers, and a time to heal, man. Stop picking that scab. Put on some Usher, and put your life together.

1. Understand what happened. You have been in a relationship before. You have broken up before. You know the types of questions you will want to ask. Ask them now. If it means getting closure from your ex, do it. Understand why this happened, understand how this happened. You’ll never ever get every answer, but there is a truth that you will begin to obtain during this process.

2. Figure out who you are in this situation. Who do you want to be about this situation? What is the best possible scenario that doesn’t involve you getting back together? Is it you sending psychotic midnight emails asking the other person what their fucking problem is? Instagram “performance art” videos of you crying to get back together? Taking shits and pretending you are pooping out your relationships? Does it help to try and sell your ex all the reasons they made a mistake? Does your shameless cyber stalking make you feel better? Do you want to be this person? Or would you want to be the kind of person who can find the right tools to rise above it all. During the course of this relationship, there was shit you brushed to the side. You became complacent. Pick up that project. Pick up those weights. Get on your feet; create and run. Be resilient.

3. Get it all out of you. Even if you have to take a few days. I mean, use your best judgment because not everyone can just do that, but it’s pretty cool if you can. If not, you can get it all out of you at work. Just cry in a bathroom stall. You can’t avoid what you feel. You can’t change how you feel. The best thing to do is to feel it and deal with it for a while. The second you start to take advantage of this time to wallow is where you need to begin pushing back on some of those dumb ass feelings. They will be right for a time, but not the whole time.

4. Drink. Drink a lot when it all goes down, and then drink a little less each day. Unless you have an alcohol or drug problem. Drink for wheatgrass in that case; it’s good for you and tastes like shit. The taste in your mouth will be almost as bad as the pain in your gut.

5. Run to yo’ Mama. Or whoever it is that taught you how to tie your shoes. Or whoever it was that taught you that day drinking isn’t really a bad thing. Friends and family are the people you need to reconnect with. If they were ever good at their jobs, they will remind you of who you are, and then they will stop pretending you are the center of the fucking universe. You aren’t you baby. They have shit going on too, so by all means vent, but do it in a timely fashion. Your mom has to do her Friday afternoon walk soon. Shouldn’t you be at work?

6. Sleep. It’s going to be hard, but try. If you have access to any safe sleeping aids, I fully support you forcing yourself to sleep. It’s your treat for dealing with life.

7. Masturbate. Seriously. Masturbate. If you are going through a break up now, please stop reading here and go “take a selfie.” Obviously, with great power comes great responsibility, so like…you can’t stop here. Chemically, your brain will just be like… oh yeah, we’re fine. Lot’s of people may tell you that this is bad or pathetic, but they probably don’t understand the value of taking selfies.

LET IT GO! If this is truly the pain of love and you really did love them, you have to let them go. As if this isn’t you “final test.” As if this is the end and it is really over. It is. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. 

8. Stop looking shit up on the internet. You ain’t in control. This is out of your hands. Nothing you do can change this right now. You don’t expect this piece to help you do you? The writer is probably some millennial navel-gazer doing all of the things they are telling you not to. Writers are hypocrites, so don’t put a lot of stock in what you are reading. No one knows you, or what you had, or what you lost. You can only help yourself. You must believe that you have to ability to make the right choices on your own. You have to want the right things for yourself. The internet cannot and will not ever want what is best for you. It will not truly heal you to read this. Like at all. Fuck it, you could probably write something better. Write a listicle yourself.

9. Rejoin the rest of the world, you blubbering bitch. The world is so much bigger than you give it credit for. Move around. Read outside. Take a train somewhere for no reason. Just get out and start to make things happen for yourself. Stop reading this now and you could really make this happen right the heck now.

10. Let it go. LET IT GO! If this is truly the pain of love and you really did love them, you have to let them go. As if this isn’t you “final test.” As if this is the end and it is really over. It is. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. This isn’t about your pain or regret or making them want you again. If you loved them so goddamn much, leave them alone. Honor yourself and what you had. If you are a millennial, this might be a new feeling — you have to be selfless. Bitch, be cool. Do you. This is life. Keep figuring it out.

—————-

Adaobi Okwy blogs at Adaobi Okwy.com

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

Kolapo Olapoju: Memoir of a long distance relationship {Episode 2} (30 Days, 30 Voices)

by Kolapo Olapoju

 

She stared at me with those big brown eyes, in a seductive manner that could only mean one thing, and my brain registered her yearning. She was clad in a skimpy, flimsy lingerie and even if I wasn’t in the mood, I was in no position to ward off her advances. I was powerless as she taunted me with her body movements, I couldn’t move an inch as she gingerly swayed forward and took my left hand and guided it all over her body.

I was aroused. There was no going back. I pulled her into my embrace and caressed her sensitive spots as she moaned and squealed with delight. She said, ‘take me, make me climax’. I replied, ‘I will do better than that, I’ll give you the best sex you’ve ever had’. To which she responded, ‘I’m all yours, I’m wet already’.

‘Wake up, wake up’, I felt the nudge on my shoulder the first time. I looked up and there she was staring down at me, seated in bed, her arms clasped over her knees as she wore a somber look. Feeling irritated and pissed to have been abruptly taken away from my subconscious sex session with the work colleague I was crushing on, I reluctantly sat up and asked her, ‘why are you awake? What’s the problem?’

Since that cold morning in June 2012 at the parade ground of NYSC orientation camp in Ekiti, when I heard her talk and spoke back to her, we had been going steady for 7 months. She was posted to some remote isolated town were you had to walk for miles to buy airtime. The town, ‘Okemesi’ was a sleepy town sandwiched by mountains that exhaled cold vapor, which cast a thick chilliness all around the town.

But I redeployed back to Lagos, for work-related reasons, yet, she remained at the center of my thoughts and unwittingly affected my actions, decisions and relationship with the female gender. Basically, I was thoroughly smitten, and willing to work hard to make it last.

Against the odds of distance and the encumbrance of communication barriers, we had managed to keep our relationship alive. We had an unspoken agreement that I’d travel down to Okemesi at least one weekend in a month, and it seemed to work for some time until complications started to creep in.

For a number of reasons, I stopped looking forward to the trips, largely because, as she acclimatized with the town, she became immersed in quite a number of activities, some of which were church-related. Her church activities began to clash with my visits. Because of work, I could only come down at weekends, but then, she would have church meetings, choir practice, church service, and still have to prepare lesson notes and cook for her flat mates after church on Sunday. My trips were becoming a wasted effort, for I was barely having her to myself for a stretch of time.

Travelling down suddenly became a chore and the sustainability of our relationship was now in doubt, in my head at least. Even the usually interesting telephone conversations had now turned mundane and laborious. We found ourselves at crossroads, at least I did.

So I was so hopeful of making things work, when she called and announced that she’d be coming to Lagos for the weekend. She had quipped excitedly, ‘we will be together indoors for the entire time, we’d make love till I can’t get you up anymore’. I laughed and said, ‘get me up? What are u getting up?’ She said, ‘you know, mini-you. Well, not-so-mini, but you know what I mean’. I laughed hysterically and teased gently, ‘you have a dirty mind, lady’.

As I sat up in bed next to her, it dawned on me that the weekend which initially bore so much promise of reigniting the spark in our relationship, had instead turned out to be fraught with arguments, accusations and counter-accusations. It had been drama-filled and I was secretly yearning for Monday.

The only thing that hardly changed was the sex; which was fantastic as always, albeit, bereft of emotion. To say the spark and enthusiasm was gradually waning from the romance is at best an understatement.

Despite noticing that I was ready to talk, she was still silently brooding, her arms now akimbo, she stared straight ahead at nothing in particular. I gave her a playful nudge and asked, ‘what’s wrong? Talk to me babe’. She loosened up her frame and turned to gaze at me, and for a few seconds, she simply gazed, then she blurted, ‘how would you feel if someone came to ask for my hand in marriage’

Shocked and taken aback, I immediately felt extremely pressed. Feeling lightheaded, I got up from the bed, and walked to the toilet. After pissing off the tension, I stood over the water closet and gathered my thoughts. For what seemed like an eternity, I stood motionless with my penis hanging out, as I tried to make sense of my train of thoughts. I tried to find the right response for the unexpected query I’d just gotten.

I knew we had some problems, and I had sensed a little change here and there, but I never expected this. I’d always understood that as a beautiful Ibo girl, who was at the fertile age of marriage, that it would in a matter of years become an issue with her family, but little did I know that it was already a topic of discussion in her family. I embraced the reality of the situation, cleaned up, came up with the best possible response, and left the toilet.

She remained exactly the way I left her. I tried to muster a smile as I walked up to the bed. Sighing dejectedly, i took her arms and said, ‘If it happens; the person has to be worth it and you have to want it’. She looked at me expressionless for what seemed like an eternity, after which, she nodded her head and snuggled back into the duvet.

In the morning, we barely said a word to each other. While she was bathing, I called a cab to take her to the bus park. As if sensing it would be the last time we’d be together, she insisted that I go with her to the park. The silence continued during the ride to the park. There was simply nothing to say, no explanations asked, none expected. There was a hovering feeling of finality as she slipped her fingers into mine and tightly squeezed.

At the park, there was no goodbye kiss nor hug. We shared a collective understanding that doing so would only stretch the hurt. I waited till her bus drove away. She never turned around for a final gaze or a goodbye wave. Even that was too hurtful to bear. She knew she had lost me and I accepted that our romance had reached an end. As the dust from the departing bus settled, the pain seared and an ocean of hot tears flowed down my cheeks, even as I stood in the middle of the park, watching the one I love get away.

 

Kolapo Olapoju is a creative writer, poet and entrepreneur. He develops content for web, print and TV. His works have been published in Glam & Essence magazine, YNaija, Nigerian Entertainment today (NET), Tuck Magazine and many others. His poetry has been published on Poetrysoup.com and in anthologies like ‘Upcoming Voices’ by Society of Young Nigerian writers and ’2014 Annual Poets Showcase’ by Poetry First Publishing. He tweets from @hardrockyng

 

30 Days, 30 Voices series is an opportunity for young Nigerians from across the world to share their stories and experiences – creating a meeting point where our common humanity is explored.

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija

Glamour, Fabulousity and Suave! Rita Dominic, Ice Prince and Funmi Iyanda featured in Blanck Magazine

by Damilola Jagun

 

For the third issue of ‘Blanck Magazine’, Nollywood actress, Rita Dominic is on the cover, while ace broadcaster, Funmi Iyanda had a feature interview with the publication.

Blanck Rita Dominic1

Rita talks to the magazine about her relationship, saying, “I feel grateful, thankful and excited as well. Not many have the opportunity to get to this number and for the most part, I have had a good life. Yes I am dating someone and I am in a happy place. I’m good.”

Funmi Blanck mag

 

Funmi Iyanda, in her interview spoke on Feminism and the new Nigerian broadcasting approach. On feminism, she said, “I am a feminist, l like being female and would like to be allowed to be that in whatever form l chose. That’s feminism. I also like men, food, lipstick, shoes, well-tailored clothing, underwear, rap music, Fuji. Music and Tarantino films”

Blanck Funmi Iyanda

On broadcasting, she quipped, “To give a few helpful tips on presenting; I would need a full semesters course schedule for that l’m afraid. For now, let’s just agree that regarding presenting, can people stop talking in those infernal pseudo American accents? It’s rather sad and utterly crass.”  *Issssh* that hurt a little.”

Ice prince Blanck

Meanwhile, Chocolate city rapper, Ice Prince, was also featured in the magazine, talking about his lyrics and suave style.

Ice Prince talks on how has been able to staye true to his style of music and how it has helped him remain relevant.

10 sure signs that your child is (totally) spoilt

by Rebecca Gruber

Spoil me rotten! They say you can’t spoil a baby with endless amounts of holding, rocking, and cooing, but once that child passes the toddler years, overindulgence can make for one ill-behaved tot. It’s easy to pick out the spoiled kid on the playground but much harder to turn a critical eye on ourselves. Here’s a checklist of 10 signs that indicate that you may have a spoiled child on your hands.

She Throws Tantrums, Often

The surest sign of a spoiled child is one who frequently throws temper tantrums, both in public and at home.

She Isn’t Ever Satisfied

Spoiled children often can’t express satisfaction with what they have. If they see someone else with something, they will want that instead.

He Isn’t Helpful

No child likes to clean up, but once the toddler years have passed, he should be willing to help with smaller tasks, such as cleaning up his toys and putting his shoes away.

He Tries to Control Adults

Spoiled children often don’t delineate between their peers and adults, expecting both to listen to them at all times.

He Frequently Embarrasses You in Public

A slip up here and there is normal, but when a tot purposely embarrasses his parent in public for the sake of attention, the situation moves beyond an isolated event.

She Won’t Share

Sharing is a difficult concept for lil ones to master, but once a child reaches the age of 4, she should be more willing to share toys, snacks, etc. with friends and siblings.

You Have to Beg Him

A parent or caretaker is an authority figure and should be obeyed when a request is made. You should not need to beg your child to have a task completed.

He Ignores You

No child likes to hear the word “no,” but he shouldn’t ignore you when you speak to him.

She Won’t Play Alone

By the age of 4, a child should be willing (and able) to play on her own for a stretch of time. Needing a parent or playmate to play with demonstrates her need for attention.

You Have to Bribe Him

Parents should not have to bribe their lil ones with money, toys, treats, or the like in order to get them to do routine tasks.

———————–

Read more: LilSugar

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

Unfettered Petite (Poetry) – on #WeekendGroove with Damilola Jagun

Unfettered she arose my consciousness
Desirable alluring petal
Lone rose from the dirt pile
Beautiful African luscious eve

 

Killing me with each sway
Swooning me with every pose.
I desired her.
The prize whom all men kill and war for.
My pricey win.

 

The animal in me yearned,
Hence, i went chasing and I got lucky
Fortunate Adonis in heat.
My presence rooted her to the spot,

 

I led her up the stairs with my eyes
we made contact and we kissed.
Deeply but briefly.
We soared into a rapture of bliss and heaven.
I was trapped in rigmarole of perpetual pleasures.

 

Then she pushed back but clung to me
Exhilarated, she gasped in torrents
She was red, I was hot
Boomeranged Frisbee, she fell back
And I locked her in my embrace

 

Stroking and caressing while she moaned and groaned,
Her hips parted, and my quest started
She surrendered her fruit for the plucking,
She deemed me worthy
With each thrust, renewed trust.

 

I filled her with that which she knew not
I filled her with rich warmth from within me.
And she came alive.
And we both reveled for we were full.
My unfettered endowed petite

 

And she stared into my eyes, into my soul,
And we shared an understanding,
Contentment.
Flustered alike, we lay in a heap
And she whispered feebly,
‘thank you’.

Does love Fluctuate? – on #WeekendGroove with Damilola Jagun

 

Love, the golden word that binds all and heals all.

Love, just a bit of it would make the world a better place.
Love, that sweet poison which makes us do crazy meaningless things.

Ever seen a full grown man breakdown in public and shed oceans of tears, uncontrollably, without shame, bereft of remorse.
Have you ever lost the desire to eat, sleep, or even keep living over the loss(breakup) of a loved one?

Love, something so special, so divine, so sanguine, damn near perfect. God’s greatest gift to man(more so evident in the sacrifice of his only son).

In the past, I used to have a witty and somewhat realistic definition of love; ‘A four letter word that guys use to get into girls’ pants’.
I used to resist and fight love, and even the urge to fall in love. I was so certain of this naive assumption that i brandished it about with careless abandon to whomever cared to pay attention, until nature had its way with me.

I fell in love with a beautiful and extremely appealing lady and we didn’t make love until 8 months after we started dating (Lol, i wasn’t slow nor impotent). I was deeply in love and i was willing to wait till she was ready emotionally, physically and psychologically.

Obviously this experience changed my rebellious view on love, it killed the fight in me and sent me falling, crashing in love, never to rise again.

Why then should something this beautiful, pure, and selfless fluctuate?

Maybe it is subject to the ever constant ‘change’ or the forever present ‘law of gravity’.

Does love really fluctuate?

I think it does, for me at least, and every other man I know. Anyone who has ever been in a love steeped relationship(the exemption of friends with benefits) must and will have experienced the highs and lows of love. There are periods when the feeling of love is so intense, so thick, so strong, that we (men) would see an extremely endowed woman with a buttocks the size of Nicki Minaj’s and you won’t even give her a second look. (You think?)

That is love at its best, highest, purest peak. There are times when it(love) is so low you would wonder “what the heck am I doing with her”. At that point, all her previously benign flaws will be magnified in your eyes.

Love certainly has different levels of intensity and it would only be hypocritical and unrealistic of us to deny this, consequently and unconsciously telling the young ones that it is forever a blissful phenomenon, nah, not possible.

There is fantasy love and true love!

Fantasy love might not fluctuate, might not waiver, might even never bicker, but trust me, it is fickle deep down and can’t last, never.
True love on the other hand is sometimes sweet, sometimes sad, sometimes fraught with ups and downs, but at the end of the day, you know you have something real, worth fighting for.

Love tends to fluctuate over weeks, months, and years. Basically, over time. Even in one day or an hour, love can and does fluctuate. Tell me you’ve never been with your partner for about a couple of hours and not felt bored and indifferent at some point, hell, even tired of them.

You’re nodding, yeah , that’s it, that’s the fluctuation.
The fluctuation does not mean that love disappears from the relationship.
It is natural for love to fluctuate from time to time in human relationships, whether we want it or not, like it or not.

Some say if love fluctuates, it never was love, but I say , if love doesn’t fluctuate , doesn’t waiver, how do you test its limit?,

its depth?,

its validity?

How do you?

My friends, the moment you realize that love fluctuates in relationships, the better equipped you will be, relationship-wise.

Otedola’s daughter, ‘DJ Cuppy’, talks about her relationship with Ice Prince (READ)

by Kolapo Olapoju

DJ Cuppy is gradually becoming a major celebrity in the Nigerian music scene and several male celebs are being linked with her on a daily basis.

One of the entertainers she’s been recently linked with is Chocolate city rapper, Ice Prince Zamani.

In a recent Interview with Vanguard, she revealed the true nature of her relationship with the rapper.

When prompted, she said, “Ice Prince is a friend of mine and we are actually working on a new song together.”

She also disclosed how she got her stage name ‘DJ Cuppy’.

She said, “My stage name as you all know is DJ Cuppy. It comes from the word Cupcake. When I was very young I was obsessed with Cupcake. Because of that I choose DJ Cupcake but later asked myself if it is a name I would still like when I grow older. And when my friends started calling me all sorts of names because of the name I changed it to Cuppy.”

 

“I have not been submissive enough to men” – TV host, Vixen Ekwere speaks on #TheYNaijaInterview

by Wilfred Okiche

 

Television presenter and entertainment journalist Yvonne ‘Vixen’ Ekwere is one of the pioneering faces of the modern red carpet scene. She has been off the grid for some time now working behind the scenes as a producer and attending to other business needs. We sat with her and she revealed quite a bit about her career, rivalry in the business and the price of being an independent woman.

Enjoy excerpts from the interview.

You were raised by a single mother. What was the experience like for you?

Growing up was hard because I believe every child deserves to have a balance of both parents in their lives. I can’t say that it was easy because I had my mum who at a time was out of work and struggling to raise me properly. I learnt a lot during that period but I sincerely wish my father was around because in every girl’s life, the first man she knows is her dad and from their dads, they get to understand how men are in general.

Has this absence of a father figure affected your relationships later on in life?

Well I don’t want to say it has but in a way it has reared its head in the sense that if my dad were available to help me understand how men are wired, I would have handled some relationships better, respect the men more and be a bit more submissive in order to find the right kind of guy but that is neither here nor there as men have been flocking all around me so I guess I need to focus and be careful.

Are you saying you have not been submissive enough in past relationships?

You people want stories abi?

For me it has happened when people come to tell me “Vixen you are too headstrong, you are too stubborn, you work too hard, you need to be more submissive, more agreeable.” Stuff like that.  I don’t know if I really am or why I come across this way but these are the feedback I get from people I have been with. So, yes sometimes, it may be a problem but I believe a real man should not be intimidated by any woman’s drive or character. I am a goal getter and whoever I am with should be able to understand me.

Are you a feminist?

With a capital F. I am all about the girl power.

Maybe you haven’t found the right person yet. Would you consider doubling down for the right man or for the sake of starting a family?

It is tricky but yes I would consider stepping down some of the things I do to raise a family. Stepping down mind you, not stopping totally.

You seem to enjoy your work thoroughly?

Of course I do. There would be no point working this hard if I didn’t

You have your hand in so many pies; describe the various things that you do for a living

I started as a jeweller, I used to make handmade beaded jewellery. I am a television producer, presenter, entertainer in that I am a poet and an performance artiste. I am also an actor of recent and I have a fashion line.

Okay, is there anything you don’t do?

I don’t steal. But because I am a goal-getter, I try to use all the talents that God has given me to make my daily bread.

How do you find the time to rest?

You can tell from my eyes that I have not rested in a while. I have not slept for some time as I have been moving around a lot. But anytime I have a break, I don’t do much with it, I just sleep. I find time to make a life outside the industry because the industry is so fast paced and crazy so I make time to be with family and friends outside of the industry even if it is just a movie or dinner. I cherish quality time with the people I love.

Do you find that life moves too fast for you sometimes?

In the past it has and it knocked me down so bad that it took the grace of God to bring me to my feet. So now I am able to see life and my career in a different perspective. I am calmer, more mature and nothing really moves me. So with all the paparazzi, I see beyond all of that and I am not moved. These days I don’t force myself to achieve anything because nothing happens outside God’s plan. If it seems like it is getting too fast for me, I take a chill pill and observe, then talk to God about the next move to make.

Are you still with Silverbird television?

Right now I am an entertainment TV producer with Silverbird but I am not on air like before. I run my production company called Vixen Red Carpet Limited and Mbok ventures. My Twitter people know I say mbok a lot.

Are you from Cross River state or Akwa Ibom

Akwa Ibom. I love my Akwa Ibom people.

There is a glut of on air talent now, females especially who rule the airwaves and the red carpets equally. Do you feel threatened by any of them?

I never ever feel threatened by anybody, rather they feel threatened by me. I don’t feel threatened by the rise of on air or red carpet stars because it is something that I pioneered along with other people many years ago. In fact I am happy because those days you could count the number of people doing it but now there are so many and I am happy for this development. The only time I would get furious- not threatened- mind you, is when there is no show of respect. In every organization there is hierarchy so it is important we observe that in our business, I have come across so many ladies on television and radio who see me in public and they give me a dirty look and move on and I just laugh because that shows how threatened they are by me. Instead of that why not walk up to me and say hello and move on. Isn’t it healthier that way?

So in a way, you take credit for the rise of the new wave of television, red carpet and radio starlets?

I don’t take credit for anything oh, there were people before me now. I am just happy there are a lot more vibrant young people who are like me when I started out. I don’t take credit for anything but if you want me to teach you, I can teach you.

Money, the fuel of love – on#WeekendGroove with Damilola Jagun

 

I once read a fabled romantic tale that ended with a handsome street beggar marrying a wealthy lady. I closed the book with a rueful smile creased on my face, and wondered out loud ‘only if it were possible around these parts or anywhere for that matter’.

It is common knowledge that Money is a very essential part of existence, as it makes many things run smoothly and many lives go easily.

In our society, It is common knowledge that without money, relative or substantial, it becomes extremely difficult, hell, next to impossible, to maintain a functioning relationship.

As absurd as it may sound, Money does give many a man some semblance of confidence when attempting to woo a lady, talk less, when trying to take her out on a date.  From time immemorial, chasing the opposite sex has always been a challenging task that has gotten more expensive and tasking with time. Even while developing into young men, it was always obvious that one needed to be financially capable to pursue a lady and relatively buoyant to maintain a relationship with her.

It goes without saying that Money makes the love stay strong!

Men get a great sense of self worth from how financially stable they are.
Even back in medieval times, the man was the provider in all regards. In fact, it was believed that the woman could not survive without the man.
In hindsight, very little has changed and men still have that primitive mentality.

Many have asked ‘what’s more important in a relationship between money and love. While it may be easy to quickly blurt out ‘love’ in response, it is also extremely hard (if not impossible) to feign that ‘money’ is not as equally important, if not more. Basically, the two always go hand in hand, and without the latter, the former will inevitably suffer, and most likely fail.

Comedian, Basketmouth, once upon a time, came up with an analysis (which he was thoroughly criticised for on social media) of the painstaking process it will take to get an African (Nigerian) girl in bed. It included several stages of spending money like shopping, fast food, Chinese restaurant, Cinema, new phone, and more shopping, which when you sum it all up costs quite a lot, and this is just the preliminary stage of wooing. Imagine what you’d eventually spend when you start a relationship with the girl.

A Nigerian girl will hardly enter into a relationship with a broke guy.

A Nigerian lady will not even think of settling down with a guy who is barely making ends meet.

A Nigerian woman won’t waste her time with a man that can’t improve her life substantially.

A Nigerian mother will not easily allow her daughter marry a guy who is just scraping by.

All the above statements are facts that can be argued back and forth for all of eternity, but deep down, we all know that they hold more than an iota of truth.

In a typical Nigerian relationship, the guy is expected to buy recharge cards, pay for BIS, pay for dates, buy periodical gifts, dole out monthly allowances, and if it is a very buoyant dude, he will be expected to help pay house/living bills, buy expensive gift items, acquire a car at some point, and possibly even take care of the girl’s family. That’s how crazy it can get.

An average Nigerian female, regardless of age-bracket, will hardly spare you a second of her time, if she doesn’t perceive that you’re worth it or you at least possess some semblance of potential.

Many relationships/unions/affairs keep failing on a daily basis largely due to a lack of financial security present, whether directly or indirectly.

Recently, I was hanging out with a couple of female friends, and one of them complained bitterly about her boyfriend is very stingy and uncaring. I would eventually find out that his (the boyfriend) being uncaring and stingy’ is simply because he was doing his Masters programme, and could barely make ends meet for himself, least of all, his girlfriend. The guy simply couldn’t maintain (take care of) the girl because he didn’t have the means to do so. The girl would end her litany of complaints by threatening to leave him if didn’t change soon.

Except the boyfriend has somehow won a lottery, I’m sure the girl would have broken up with him by now, because from the realistic look of things, he lacked the immediate capacity to be caring and un-stingy as she would love him to be.

Another scenario was recently, when an 18-year old  girl told me she won’t be dating any guy whose father is not at least half as rich as Davido(Nigerian singer)’s father, because according to her,’ I’m not ready to suffer with anybody’. I was tongue-tied and crushed because the girl was merely painting the mindset of a large portion of young ladies in the Society.

There are some women/female who will claim to be able to stay in a relationship without money being the sole factor, but then, for how long can a woman persevere with a broke fella when there are several rich dudes who are wooing her on a daily basis. How long?

At the end of the day, money is the fuel of existence, and love which is a phenomenon of existence, would naturally need money to function, thrive, and/or bloom.

Hence, every male who desires to have a serious relationship should have it at the back of their minds that without money, the love could easily fizzle and become faint as time passes.

The Thrill of Cheating – on #WeekendGroove with Damilola Jagun

black-couple-in-bed

Have you ever cheated on a partner?

If not. Have you ever felt the desire to do so?

If neither, have you ever been cheated on?

Has the opportunity to cheat ever occurred? If so, think back to that moment when you were hatching the plan, fantasizing, and even actually cheating.

You would agree that there’s a certain thrill and excitement associated with doing something inappropriate, something you aren’t meant to do, or rather, something that might most likely land you in a lot of trouble.

Have you had that feeling, which I’m certain 90% of every sane person has had at some point.

That is the same thrill you derive from even the mere thoughts of attempting infidelity!

Nowadays, everyone cheats, yet, everyone claims not to. How absurd?

Cheating/Infidelity/Unfaithfulness is only satisfactory and pleasant to the Cheatee, but absolutely painful to the cheated, upon discovery.

Cheating damages ‘trust’ in relationships and single-handedly kills numerous unions on a daily basis.

Being cheated on, makes you distrustful of everyone and being a cheater makes you think everyone is a cheater.

Now, you’d think being aware of this facts would deter people from cheating, but ‘oh boy’, it has had little or no effect whatsoever. People cheat at whim, by reflex, on impulse.

Why?

There’s a certain joy derived from cheating. As twisted as this may sound, it does hold water.

Humans as specie generally tend to desire the forbidden. We tend to be attracted to that which we should not have and that which we cannot have.  The biblical story of Adam and Eve is a perfect example.

The other day, I was in the cinema trying to see ‘Django’ for the second time and I couldn’t help but eavesdrop on the conversation of three girls behind me. One of them was trying to justify her reasons for cheating on her fiancée of 6 years, who she was obviously in love with, and planning to marry soon.

The reasons she gave for the affair was that ‘I just wanted to feel what being with someone else felt like, after all these years of faithfulness’. Her friends couldn’t get it, or probably wouldn’t get it. They went on to chastise her, forgetting that they might be in her shoes someday.

Believe me you, when the urge or opportunity to cheat comes, it will take a really disciplined person not to fall.

The man who says he can’t cheat has not been severally tempted.

The woman who claims to be faithful has not been tenaciously wooed.

Anyone can find themselves in the position of the girl at the Cinema who’s probably been faithful to her partner for so long, and now has urges to explore and experiment. She went on and did, and has little or no regret about it, only a hovering cloud of guilt which will most certainly fade away with time.

And a later period, she might be tempted to explore once again. The cycle of clandestine occasional infidelity then ensues, while still maintaining her relationship or marriage as the case may be.

She is happy, satisfied, content, yet cheating periodically. What an ironic, yet realistically absurd picture.

Men, on the other hand hardly feel any guilt when sleeping around. We are certified chronic sporadic cheaters who enjoy cheating at whim, by impulse, hell even by reflex.

We enjoy it, we thrive on it.

We live for the challenge beneath the skirts, and embrace it head on as if a conquest.

There is hardly a man alive who hasn’t at one point or the other cheated on his partner. It’s like there’s an urge to reach out and spread our immense love to other women, other than the ones we are seeing.

Recently, over drinks and smokes with friends, our conversation drifted to one of our mates who apparently doesn’t smoke, drink nor womanize.

A good looking full blooded man who doesn’t partake in any of the three common male vices! He must either be a saint or from mars, I opined.

My friends were quick to label him a fraud. They concluded that even if he didn’t smoke nor drink, he would at least womanize, even if occasionally. The consensus was that even if

Now, this write should not by any means be viewed as encouraging infidelity, or be misconstrued as a pass for cheating. It is rather a realistic articulation of the joy, thrills, euphoria, excitement and pleasure derived from cheating, intending to do it, or even thinking about it.

Truly, men tend to cheat more, maybe as a result of the incessant amounts of temptation we encounter on a daily basis, maybe because of our undisciplined hormones, or simply for the fun of it.

Bottom line therefore is that the human being is to an extent wired to want to explore and break new grounds, in order words, cheat and keep cheating.

Whatever reason that pushes one to cheat, there is no justification whatsoever for engaging in the act of cheating, however, it would be hypocritical and untruthful to deny that we don’t enjoy it, even if fleetingly.

To cheat or not to cheat, I believe depends on one’s personal disposition.

Believe it or not, people cheat in relationships, unions and marriages, and they mostly enjoy it.

 

Nowadays, Everyone cheats – on #WeekendGroove with Damilola Jagun

Cheating1

Ever since the female came to the realization that men can never stop being unfaithful.

Ever since they accepted the bitter truth that the phenomenon of infidelity, is an invincible, abnormal norm that might never waiver.

Ever since they embraced the stark, inconvenient and painful reality, they have silently joined the bandwagon. They have hopped aboard the ‘unfaithful express’, almost even trying to pilot the train.

Women,-for want of equality with men, and for their desire to prove that the saying, ”what’s good for the goose is good for the gander” hasn’t lost its meaning or essence- have made us aware, unannounced(action-wise) that if you can cheat, we also can cheat.

Yes, most women, even some of the married ones cheat nowadays.

Appalling, right?

Yeah, i can see men nodding and shaking their heads vehemently.

Bloody hypocrites! We are.

We seem to think that we can always have our way in this regard and the supposedly lower sex will lie still like the proverbial “sleeping dog”.

We seem to think that, because the misguided provenance of ‘one man to many’ is from time immemorial, hence, it carries a status of unchangeability and unquestionability.

Well, we are wrong.

Everybody is now in bed with everybody, making love, having sex, shagging up, doing quickies.

Our gross misconduct as males birthed this; gross unfaithfulness of both sexes today.

But then, can any man really be apportioned blame or asked to deviate from this inherent streak he was born with, that was passed down from the first generation of man(read your holy books).

Ever since i’ve been socially, academically, and emotionally aware, i’ve always known that at almost every point in time, i’ll have more than one sleeping partner.

As maturing young males, no one told us this or otherwise. We saw it everywhere, and we deemed it normal (yeah, status quo), and we boasted, flaunted, and believed it to be our God given mandate to shag indiscriminately.

We were never taught opposite of this. Even the female bore a meek sense of acquiescence to it and accepted it as an expected occurrence (well, they used to) until now, until of recent.

I really cannot pinpoint the cause of this change nor understand the reasons behind it.

Maybe there has been a shift of the tectonic plates which has inadvertently affected the female libido, maybe the general decline of societal and ethical values worldwide, or better still, maybe the global warming phenomenon is responsible.

Sounds funny, and even somewhat absurd, right?

Well, it should be, because the situation itself is as thus.

There has been no education, forum or awareness on it (infidelity of the male sex), so why the change, or better still equilibrium.

I guess women just decided about a decade ago that thenceforth, they were going to give what they got, and do as we do.

According to Tracey Cox in her book, Supersex’, pretty well all surveys indicated that as at the year 2010, the numbers of men and women having sexual affairs were equal, exploding the myth that the male is more adulterous by nature.

Given half the chance, women will cheat as much as men do. I guess women also wanna have both bites of the cherry.

Can any female be chastised for this dereliction of supposed accepted standard of behavior?

Should they be reprimanded for trying to balance the scale and render null our invincibility, in this regard?

Question for the ages!!

Obviously, society is at fault, but can we change this phenomenon?

Can we control our libido?

Can we discipline our sexual appetite and limit it to only one food (one partner)?

Without doubt, trying to seek an end to this anomaly is an herculean, if not impossible task.

Certainly, we live in a morally decayed era.

Infidelity might just be perpetually inherent in us all.

What’s your take?

What if your first dates gets REALLY bad? | 6 ways to exit (gracefully!)

by Brooke Hofer

 

dating-a-nigerian-man

 

First dates have loads of potential to be either rewarding… or disastrous. It takes a confident collegiette to take this first step toward a relationship!

 

Some would say that the benefits of going on a first date aren’t worth the potential risks: awkwardness, incompatibility, or extreme nervousness. However, taking the plunge and going on that date is definitely HC-approved. It may not go as swimmingly as you like, but you won’t have to live with regret and always be wondering, ‘What would’ve happened if I went out with that guy?’

Despite the possible gains, one of the major date deterrents for collegiettes remains the fear of the Bad Date. The Bad Date nearly always has an uncomfortable ending, as these collegiettes will attest:

“Bad dates are awkward all the time, but the endings are the worst, especially if he drove and is dropping you off at your house. I just cross my fingers and get out of the car and into my door ASAP so he doesn’t try and make a move!” – Briana, University of Missouri-Kansas City

“At the end of a date there’s always the inevitable, ‘So, will we see each other again?’ question hanging in the air. If the date sucked, then it is so awkward to know in the back of your head that you don’t want to pursue anything else with him.” – Emily, DePaul University

No doubt, a bad first date beginning makes for a less than pleasant bad first date ending. Luckily, it is possible to make your thoughts on the date and on your future – or lack thereof – with the guy clear without coming across as a mean girl or completely crushing his heart. And it’s important to remember that although ending the date is initially awkward, it WILL have an end and tomorrow will be the start of a new day (a day when you don’t have to redo your date).

But to make it easier before you get to the point when you’ve said your goodbyes, check out HC’s 6 ways for you to make the exit of your bad first date smooth without seeming stone cold!

During the Date

Yes, the key to a graceful exit begins before you reach your doorstep. If you follow your intuition, you will most likely realize that the date isn’t going well pretty quickly. Conversation will feel forced. You’ll be noticing some red flags. You’ll find yourself disagreeing with a lot of things the guy is saying. In general, you will just feel some unease as opposed to some spark. To have an un-dramatic exit from this situation, you can’t lead him on!

1. Keep Some Things To Yourself

To explain simply, don’t over-share or open up more than you would to a casual acquaintance. If you sense the date isn’t going well, don’t bring up intense things about your past or talk about all of your hopes and dreams for the future. Here’s why:

When you don’t want to go on a second date, he will just be confused. Why did you seem so comfortable talking about emotional topics if you weren’t connecting on a special level?
If he does take the fact that you’re not interested in a second date harshly, he will have loads of personal information about you to use against you. He may try to take something you say and twist it into a nasty rumor! (Which would be more proof that he wasn’t worth your time…)

There’s nothing wrong with making conversation. But, you may want to be on your guard with what you share—especially if you feel the date heading south. Stick to lighter topics like hobbies and favorites before you delve into family life and career aspirations.

2. Don’t Be a ‘Yes’ Woman

This goes for any date, not just a bad one. If you were talking to a friend and he or she said something that directly challenged your beliefs or opinions, you’d be honest with her about how you felt. Chances are if you’re on a good date, most of the things he will say won’t contradict your views. If you’re on a bad one, the odds of this may increase: “On one first date with a guy I went to church with, he asked me straight up about my feelings regarding gay marriage and abortion and told me all about how he felt. I’m sorry – to me those are really personal things to ask about on a first date. I just felt uncomfortable.” –Briana, University of Missouri-Kansas City

Obviously, getting defensive or angry when this happens is not the way to go if you want to avoid awkwardness. When you find yourself in this situation, be honest but not aggressive. Here’s a short and non-serious (unless you’re really intense about your ‘90s boy band allegiance) dialogue to give you an idea about how to respond if this happens:

Him: “*NSYNC was clearly the best boy band of the ‘90s. I honestly don’t get how anybody could listen to The Backstreet Boys. Their CD players must have been broken.”

You: “Well, I actually preferred The Backstreet Boys when I was younger. I think everyone just has his or her own music preferences though. I don’t have anything against *NSYNC fans!”

Though you’re unlikely to end up butting heads over pop music of decades past, the same principle applies: by being honest about your opinion, you aren’t leading him on to believe that you’re meant for each other. Plus, if it is meant to be, the fact that you don’t agree on everything wouldn’t be a turn-off for him.

3. Avoid Physical Contact

This one is pretty obvious. If you don’t feel that you have chemistry with a guy, don’t be overtly flirtatious. This means, don’t hold hands or put your hand on his arm when you’re talking with him. What’s the point of this besides leading him on? Physical contact is a sign that you’re enjoying yourself, so be careful not to lead him on when you aren’t!

If he’s making contact with you when you aren’t feeling the spark, chances are your night will only get worse. You didn’t sign up for this kind of discomfort when you agreed to go on the date but it’s easy to neutralize the situation. If he’s crossing that boundary, make him aware of it. Move your hand away or say something like, “I’m sorry, I’m just not comfortable with this right now!” and give him a smile to let him know that you don’t plan on biting his head off for attempting to hold your hand. It may be awkward in the moment, but you shouldn’t have to increase your discomfort just to get through the date.

At The End Of The Date

So, you’re on a date that’s winding down and you followed the previous guidelines: you didn’t get too personal, you were honest about your feelings, and you avoided bodily contact. He clearly wasn’t reading your signals and says:

If he still asks about a second date at the night’s conclusion (or even the next day via call or text) you’re going have to give him some tough love. You don’t have to go out with him again, so here are some ways to alleviate the awkwardness and make sure he gets the hint:

4. Say: You Don’t Have Time to Devote To Him

At first glance, this may seem counterintuitive because you made time to go on the date. But if you felt that the date was rough then you truly don’t have time to devote to him. You may not be too busy to go on a first date, but you ARE too busy to go on a bad second date. “In the middle of the semester, I really value my free time. If I were to go on a bad date, I would honestly consider it time wasted. Why would I go on another one that I knew was probably going to be bad when I could be hanging with friends or out looking for a new guy?” –Kylie, University of Kansas

How do you use this reasoning to escape your date with ease? Use these points to craft a good reason why the end of this date should be a permanent ending:

You put a lot of focus and effort into what you are involved in (e.g. your friend/family relationships, your work, your grades, your outside activities).

It is important to you that you maximize your time with the things you focus on.
So, you don’t think that you have the time to fit him into your life.

You don’t have to make it about him personally, but you don’t have to lie, either. He’s not important enough to you to justify carving time out of your busy schedule to go on another date. Worded nicely, he should understand.

5. Say: You Aren’t Looking For Commitment

Again, this reasoning could seem like a lie based on the fact that you went out on a date. But the fact that you aren’t looking for commitment WITH HIM is not a lie. Here are a few different things you can say to make this point in a nice way:

“I think you are a really great person, but I think that I might not be ready for the kind of relationship that you are looking for. Dating right now isn’t feeling as natural as I think it should feel.”

“I don’t know if I’m in a place right now that I would feel comfortable committing to dating you regularly. Based on my life right now, I want to approach dating casually so that I can decide if I’m ready for something more.”

“When a guy that I’d had a rough date with texted me about going out (again) a few days later, I told him, ‘Going out with you was a great experience, but I’ve realized that I just don’t see myself committing to this right now. I’m sorry and I hope we can still be friends!’ I felt bad, but I was being honest. I did not see myself in a relationship with him and hopefully he appreciated the fact that I wasn’t playing games.” –Kylie, University of Kansas

6. Say: You Don’t Think That You Are Compatible

Of all of these date-dodging options, we like this one the best. Why? Because it is the most straightforward. If you want to be graceful about ending your date, you’re doing him the biggest favor by being direct. If you don’t want to see him again, it helps to be honest about why. You weren’t comfortable because you lacked compatibility. If you can help him to see this too, he can use this as a learning experience when he asks someone else out next time (and so can you)! Next time you find yourself not clicking with the guy next to you, follow the advice of this collegiette:

“I’m a big advocate for not playing games and just being an honest person. Too often, people think honest and rude are synonyms, but as long as you’re nice, most guys will find honesty refreshing. I went on a date this past Saturday and when he asked me out again at the end I said, ‘I’ve really enjoyed hanging out with you, but in the future I’d like to hang out as friends.’ I know from lots (and lots) of experience how frustrating mixed signals can be, so I would never want to do that to someone else.” –Michelle, Emerson College

And what if you follow these tips (making it clear you don’t want to go out again) and he STILL goes in for a kiss at the end?

“A guy I was on a horrific date with tried to kiss me when he walked me back to the door. I think some people would’ve just let it happen, but there was no way I was going to do that. You shouldn’t have to kiss someone and be super uncomfortable just because you don’t want to hurt their feelings. Dodge it! I just said something like ‘I’m sorry, I don’t feel comfortable with that.’ If he isn’t a jerk, he will respect that.” –Emily, DePaul University

There you have it, collegiettes! If you keep these six things in mind on your next date (which hopefully won’t be horrible), you won’t have to deal with an even-worse second date. The key is to make sure you aren’t leading him on. If he still isn’t getting it at the end of the date, it’s important to be honest and direct about the fact that you aren’t interested in seeing him again. If he’s a good guy, he will understand and you both can move on to find your own happily ever afters!

——————————

Read more in Her Campus

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

How do you like your sex? – on #WeekendGroove with Damilola Jagun

by Kolapo Olapoju

sex

Sex-sexual intercourse as we know it is an act of mating/copulating between two or more people (male and female, male and male, female and female).

Shagging, banging, straffing, whatever slang you call it, and whatever terms you’ve coined it.

How do you like it?

How is it most enjoyable to you?

Sex as a subject is unfortunately very touchy and sensitive to conversate about in our society.

Just a mere mention of it is enough to chase us to our hypocritical shells, trying to avoid the elephant in the room, a common scenario.

Maybe it’s a backward African mentality thingy or it’s our traditional and conservative nature, I’m not certain, but we mostly always try to avoid educative, informative and objective dialogue about sex.

I’ve been with some female partners who at the beginning of intercourse will be emitting a muffled inward grunt, but on getting to a certain point when the sensation becomes too intense, they suddenly scream out and start moaning continuously. So, I begin to wonder to myself, ‘what just happened’ ‘why the sudden change’. But you know, as an average egoistic male, I can’t complain. I naturally assume that I’m doing a good job.

I’ve had some other ‘not so good’ experiences where I was left bemused. You know, I like to pride myself as an expert sex machine/love-maker, so you can imagine how disheartening I felt the other day when I was in the act with some lady (making sure I was touching all the right spots), and then to my utmost chagrin, I discovered she was literally still and eyes closed. I briefly stopped at some point to inquire if the person I’m mating with was still alive. She would later explain to me that whenever she’s quiet during intercourse, the pleasure is at its peak for her.

That was an eye-opener for me. It dawned on me that, though we all enjoy sex, we have different ways of projecting our pleasure.

Do you like it loud, action packed and show-offy?

Are you the conservative and reserved lover who prefers it quiet and calm?

Better still, do you derive utility in going loud and quiet?

I ask; how do you like your sex, loud or quiet.

You might say who cares?

How does it matter?

What makes it important?

But yeah, we should care, it matters and is important because we all have sex and maybe consciously or sub-consciously, we have a preference in either loud or quiet sex, or a mix of both.

Some of us enjoy having sexual intercourse quietly, with slow music playing in the background while we frolick and respond to each-other with low moans and gasps of pleasure. (Orgasm being an exception, you’re definitely allowed, in fact, expected to scream with delight when you have one, if you have one).

I mean, what’s wrong with that picture?

Well, some people will say everything.

Some of you like it loud, expressive, and steamy with the music volume at its highest- thereby creating the license to scream and shout at whim, thrusting in and out in quick procession, thumping back and forth like sex starved maniacs.

Ain’t nothing wrong with this picture either, my friends.

Many people actually like it, and are most content with sexual intercourse if it plays out this way.

Or, are you the type who likes to sit on the fence, and have a view of both sides, a taste of both dishes. Sometimes, you enjoy it loud and fast, other times, quiet and slow.

Who says there’s a crime in wanting it all?

Since different things turn different people on, it is normal that the modus operandi of our sexual intercourse sessions will vary.

No shame in being shy and wanting it quiet and easy, and private.

No apologies if you like disturbing the neighbors with your screams and thumping, no apologies expected if you are that brave.

If your fetish is going both ways, good for you. Thumbs up.

Whatever turns you on people, go for it.

Don’t dull, don’t be dulled.

How do you like your sex, loud or quiet?

————————

Dame Valuta: Dame’s erotic tales – Episode 2 (#ShortStory)

by Dame Valuta

o-EROTICA-facebook

“Why did you shave tonight? I know you showered and perfumed up because you were gonna come see me…. But why shave? Are you expecting me to fuck you for this dinner?

-Read Episode 1 of this compelling Erotic story [HERE]

BLAST OF THE UNEXPECTED (2)

Surprisingly, he didn’t say a word to her. He stood by a corner of her office, pinned her with a cold gaze and waited for her to break the silence. Lina swallowed, walked behind her desk, using it as a refuge, then turned to him.

“Mr. Wilson… Please sit down.” She offered with a cool smile. His face was still a hard mask and his eyes were still trained on her.

“No thanks.” He said curtly.

Lina groaned inwardly, knowing Afro-Beard was determined to not make things any easy for her. Since he was standing, it was only polite she did same. With a determined smile, she opened up Bantec Oils file.

“To business now; Chief Wilson was supposed to send me the research details, photographs of sites and interviews with the local residents there. I need them to be able to formulate solutions and put in…”

“I know what you mean Miss Akan,” he cut in rudely. “I know what you need and you will get them first thing tomorrow morning.”

“Thank you…” She replied, a bit put off by his interruption but relieved that their brief meeting was over before it even got started.

“Now… Back to the issue of US..” He continued.

“US???” Her words sounded like a puzzled squeak.

“Yes US. You’re rude, mannerless and untamed. We would have to work on that.” He sounded annoyingly arrogant and Lina’s anger bubbled.

“WE??? US??? Sir, I don’t quite follow you or your conversation” she tone was caustic.

“Miss Akan, my company is paying your company a shitload of bucks to do this bid. Today is Wednesday and you’re not even a quarter done and submission is for 9am Monday morning. In view of this, you will resume at my office from tomorrow. You and I will work CLOSELY together on this bid. I’m gonna set up an office for you and furnish it with everything you need. BUT, WE are gonna work on your rude, mannerless attitude if that is gonna happen.”

“Hold on one minute Mr. Wilson…” Her anger spilled and she refused to rein it in. “With all due respect, I do not work for you… And I do not appreciate your giving me orders”

He appraised her slowly, his eyes taking in her tight silk blouse, her slim waist and her full rounded hips. Then he looked at her face, focusing on her full lips, devoid of make up. He did it deliberately and was pleased that she bristled under his stare.

“It would be interesting to see your fuck-face though. All this anger and unbridled energy… they would work well in bed you know… tie your hands and feet apart and eat you like a welcome meal. I would like to see if you would go all hulk and break free from the restraint or simmer into a whimpering, moaning mess.” His voice held a vague promise and wicked amusement. Lina stiffened, rage coursing through her.

“I’m going to walk to my M.D right now and ask him to take me off this job. Sadly for you, I don’t mix business with perversion.” She told him coldly.

“You need to talk a walk on the busy labor market streets Miss Akan, and see how rosy it is out there. I don’t threaten people ANGELINA, especially not women. For you, however, this is a threat. See you tomorrow at 8am.” He replied her with equal coolness before turning on his heels and walked out of her office.

Lina’s spirit plummeted six feet and proceeded to bury itself in frustration.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It was 3pm, friday afternoon and though the air conditioner was on, Lina felt hot and tired. She still wasn’t used to this new office and was a little confused at resuming in a strange company with different sets of rules and organization. She got up and paced, rubbing her already red rimmed and swollen eyes. Afro-Beard had assigned her a secretary and though work was going along smoothly, Lina felt the strain on her whole body. The day before, she had worked till 11pm and only got off when her new secretary had asked her if she could leave. Lina had been appalled that she had kept the young lady on till late. She’d personally dropped her off at her house before making her way back home. Today, she had resumed at 7pm and hadn’t had a single bite to eat. She was tired, cranky and her back was sore. She’d set her eyes on Afro-Beard only once the day before. He had welcomed her in a sarcastic manner, ushered her into her temporary office and had disappeared. She was glad that his threat of working closely with her was all that it was… a mere threat. She sighed and sat down, leaned back on her chair and shut her eyes. To calm herself, she began to count to 30 slowly, inhaling and exhale at every number.

He slipped into her office and found her on her chair, eyes shut and breathing deeply like one meditating. His eyes involuntarily followed the mesmerizing rhythm of her breasts as they rose and fell in response to her breathing. Everything about her was a turn on. From the first day he’d noticed her at STEERS and every other time he’d seen her there, he’d been fascinated by her person. She was strong, independent and a little stand-offish though her rudeness and unfriendliness was a let down. He surmised that it was a defense mechanism. Rudeness notwithstanding, he still wanted to fuck her but he had to bid his time. From the look on her face, she seemed tired. He’d heard she left the office at past 11pm and had resumed at 7am. She was hardworking, no doubt about it and he loved that she took her job serious. He stared at her legs in admiration. She was wearing a skirt that stopped just above her knees but seated, the skirt had ridden up a little higher, giving him an ample view of her fair, spotless laps. Thankfully, she wasn’t the kind of woman that wore those despicable “Tights” that loads of women today wear. He bet she was wearing lacy panties. The thought made his cock stir in response but he pushed the feeling aside and called out to her.

“Miss Akan…”

Lina didn’t move but she opened her eyes and stared at him, not bothering to sit up or change her position. She didn’t respond to his call either. She saw his frown and mentally shrugged.

“Were you sleeping?” He asked.

She was tempted to say ‘Yes’ but didn’t feel up to arguing with him. He looked different today… more casual. He wore a Pink shirt rolled up at the sleeves, the two top buttons undone. His pants were tanned Old Navy, held on with a brown belt and of course brown loafers. The frame of his glasses were red, almost feminine. She’d noticed that he had glasses with different frames, possibly to go with any outfit he chose to wear. His hand went down to his crotch and tugged at it, as if trying to adjust his cock. Her eyes flew back to his, noting the smirk.

“I’m taking a break.” She replied, determined not to be sexually baited.

“Have you had anything to eat?” He asked.

“No. I’ll send for something later.” She answered then closed her eyes in a bid to dismiss him.

He was silent for a while and she was tempted to open her eyes to see what he was up to. But she kept them shut and prayed he would get the message and leave. She heard the door open and smiled, thinking he was on his way out only to hear a petulant female voice speak. Lina opened her eyes and sat up abruptly.

“Here you are C.J. I was wondering where you sauntered to… Oh? Who is this? Lina???”

Sophie stared at her with venom. She stood beside Afro-Beard, beautiful, collected and looking like a bejeweled trophy. Lina held back a snort.

“Sophie… You’re looking good.” Lina said with a cynical smile. Sophie gave her dirty looks.

“Wish I could say the same for you. As usual, you look like shit and you seem to have aged beyond your 35years. This life sha….” Sophie was all claws.

Afro-Beard seemed to be enjoying the exchange between the women. Sophie sidled closer to him, as if seeking his support and he grabbed her by the waist possessively, yet his eyes were on Lina.

“Yeah, this life. Oh-well…. In this life, some of us actually need to work to earn our keep.” She said and got up, walking towards the desk to pick up the intercom.

Sophie almost growled in irritation. She turned to C.J. with a frosty look.

“I’m in the car. The air around here stinks.” Sophie said and stalked off.

“Your girlfriend is a keeper.” Lina said and smiled sweetly at C.J. He scowled at her.

“Don’t leave. I’ll be back.” He ordered

“I had no intention of leaving Mr. Wilson. I’m spending the night here so I can get this work over and done with and be away from this office.” Her sweet smile was still in place.

He stared at her in silence for a bit then walked out of the office. Lina let out a relieved sigh and dialed the intercom for her secretary.

“Hello Prisca, please come. I am starving.” She said.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Prisca had told her that there was a bathtub in the huge boardroom and now, Lina made her way towards it, walking slowly and keeping her ears peeled for any strange sounds. The whole office was dark save for her temporary office and the corridor that led to the printing room, Water-cooler room and Board room. It was already 11pm and Lina needed a shower and sleep break. Prisca, bless her, had been an invaluable gem. Lina had had to shoo the young lady away at 9pm, telling her that she could manage on her own. The bid was almost done. They already had 520 pages. All that was left was just 15 more pages and Lina planned to face them after her shower. Thankfully, someone had left the water heater in the boardroom bathroom on. Lina took her time, showered thoroughly and allowed the water beat down on her tired body. Refreshed, she dried her body with the small towel she had brought along with her, slipped on a nightshirt and socks and padded out of the boardroom, making sure to switch off the water heater and turn out the lights. As she entered her temporary office, the smell of casserole assailed her nostrils, panicked, she looked around in confusion only to find Afro-Beard seated casually on the chair opposite her desk. The untidy table had been cleared and now, spread across it were covered dishes, a bottle of water and a bottle of red wine. Lina eyed him suspiciously.

“What is all this?” She asked as she walked further into the office, closing the door behind her.

“Dinner. For you.” He replied.

“Thanks, but I’m not hungry.” She said.

He stared at her, not saying a word and making her uncomfortable with his silence. Then he got up and walked up to her. She stood defiantly and faced him, unwilling to allow her fear show.

“I’ve been looking at your work. The bid is almost done. Quite impressed I must say. BUT, you’re going to take a few minutes off, sit down, eat that meal that my chef made specially for you and we will talk. Are we clear?” He asked.

Lina said nothing. She took a few steps away from him because his scent was affecting her reasoning. He smelled like he’d just showered and dabbed on a touch of cologne, baby powder and of course the lingering musk of whatever soap he used. The combination made her giddy and somewhat aroused. She walked up to her desk, sat on it and opened the first dish like an obedient child. It was fried rice with shrimps in it. Her mouth watered. The second dish was a casserole with loads of pork, cubed liver and kidneys. The third dish was a small serving of salad, loaded with tuna, red kidney beans, green peas and and unhealthy mayo dressing. Lina held back the orgasm that the yet untasted meal was causing her. The last dish was surprisingly steaming-hot home-made meat-pies. Lina grappled with coherent reasoning in the face of the meal before her.

“Why do you smell like baby powder?” Was the only sensible thing she could utter. Even at that, she didn’t look at him. He smiled, reached for the wine, opened it effortlessly with a corkscrew and poured her a glass which he gratefully accepted.

“I shaved my pubis. I find that when I shave down there, dousing it with baby powder gives it a truly fresh feel and smell, plus it make it heaven to touch.” He explained.

Lina didn’t know if he was deliberately teasing or if he was serious. She was too tired to figure him out and the food before her was too tempting for her thoughts to stray too far.

She took a quick gulp of her wine, drinking it thirstily and felt the liquid slip down her throat, down to her insides, creating warmth down its path. She opened the several dishes and scooped a few of their contents on to a plate. She avoided his face but knew he was gazing at her. She tucked into the food, savoring its delicious taste while pondering what a clean-shaved male pubis with baby powder doused on it would feel like under her fingers.

“I still wonder how you would feel like beneath me though. I daydreamed of your f__k-face all day… It’s hard to keep a prominent bulge down when one’s daydreams are filled with naked bodies and a contorted orgasmic female face.” He said with a teasing smile.

Lina continued to eat in silence, trying hard not to picture the image his words had just painted. She took another swig of her wine and this time almost choked. He poured her a glass of water with a small smile and handed it to her. She took it and drank, still avoiding his eyes.

“So, Sophie filled me up on your person. She really doesn’t like you and I’m not surprised. From a distance, you have a flaming charisma…. People would be drawn to you like moths. Up close, you are a nasty piece of work. Lucky for me, I don’t really care much for distant or upclose… I’m more intrigued by the inside. What lays beneath… What your soul hides.” He leaned back and gave her a penetrating stare.

Lina sank her teeth into the soft pork, taking a chunky bite then chewed and rolled her eyes in bliss. When she was done with that bit, she scooped more rice in her mouth, chewed then followed it up with more pork. She washed it down with wine and turned to him, staring into his eyes.

“Why did you shave tonight? I know you showered and perfumed up because you were gonna come see me…. But why shave? Are you expecting me to f__k you for this dinner? Because if you are, then…” She raised a finger, took another bite of Pork, chewed, swallowed and drank water.”…You just might have hit jackpot.”

C.J stared at her, his expression deadpan but the thoughts in his head buzzed around like a confused bee. Lina smiled sweetly at him and heaped more rice on to her plate.

………. TO BE CONTINUED……….

 

————————

Dame Valuta is a Mother, Wife, Scriptwriter by day and an enthusiastic Erotic Writer by night. She lovingly refers to herself as a Semi-Literate, Broke Writer with dreams of becoming a Third-World Celebrity, conquering African Erotica one lewd story at a time. She owns an Erotic Website called www.damescaucus.com

 

10 things to avoid while trying to seduce a woman

by ANI

 

happy-black-couple1-378x350

 

If men don’t own and feel their sexuality, women are not going to feel it either.

 

Sex and dating coach Melanie Curtin – founder of vixen on the loose – has revealed ten things that men should avoid while hitting on women.

1. Men should avoid negging – also known as negative comments – women, as they only work on women suffering from low self-esteem, which means that it is manipulative, underhanded, and sometimes really mean, the Huffington Postreported.

2. Men should also avoid telling the women, they are trying to seduce, about the money they make.

3. Curtin also revealed that men who insult themselves are a put-off for women.

4. They should also avoid touching the woman’s lower back, elbow or shoulders.

5. Men should not assume that a woman does not like whiskey or that she doesn’t know anything about cars because she is a girl.

6. Women don’t like men, who is hitting on them, make fun of their friends.

7. If men don’t own and feel their sexuality, women are not going to feel it either.

8. Men should not try very hard to be funny as women can feel that men are racking their brain for the next funny/clever thing to say, which mean that they are not paying attention to the lady.

9. Women don’t like men who are cocky as cocky men are obsessed with the outside because deep down they are terrified that they have nothing of worth on the inside.

10. And lastly every effort of men does not always pan out and women do say no but men should not take it personally and then take it out on me.

——————————-

Read more in Times of India

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

11 ways to make your second date a success

by Angkush Bahuguna

 

african-american-dating1

 

It’s just the second time you’re meeting. Just because you kissed her on the first date doesn’t mean you’re supposed to kiss on the second date too. She may or may not feel like kissing you. Maintain your distance and treat her with respect.

 

The first date went great, eh? But that doesn’t mean the work is done – not until you begin dating. One wrong move and things can go haywire, anytime. The second date is as crucial as the first one, maybe even more. While the first date may have been great, you must know that getting through the second one without any goof-ups is an even more important step towards impressing her. You may have already heard a lot about the dos and don’ts of a first date. As you gear up for the next one, we bring to you 11 second date tips to make sure there is a third one.

1. Take Her To A New Place

If you’ve already been to a restaurant with her the last time, try out something new. The second date should never feel like déjà vu. Keep the setting contrastingly different, so she can see a totally different side of you. If the weather is pleasant, take her out in the open. If you take her for a film, make sure it is a genre she watches. Never force your choice upon her.

2. Pick Her Up

You may have met her directly at the restaurant the last time. But since this is the second time you’re meeting her, it is a good opportunity to personalize your date a bit more. Pick her up from home or meet her somewhere halfway. She shouldn’t feel like she is going on a blind date. Go together. This will allow you to spend some more time getting comfortable with each other.

3. Have A Part Two Already Planned

Surprise her with a second part of the date. Once you’ve watched the latest rom-com at the theatre, take her someplace else where you can spend a lot more time just talking. It could be your favourite café or her favourite place in the city that she may have mentioned in passing in the last date. Catch her by surprise and watch her get butterflies in the stomach. There is nothing like a pleasant surprise on a second date.

4. Touch Her Gently

If you see things going fine, you may try touching her flirtatiously. But be cautious towards her reactions. If she is game for it, try building a connection by touching her (appropriately). However, if she feels uncomfortable, back off the same second. Under no circumstances should you force yourself upon her.

5. Get Her A Gift

Is it a second date mandate? No. Is it necessary? No. Will she like it? Hell, yes! Buy something she’d like. It could be anything – from a chocolate to a perfume. It’s the gesture that counts. In fact, the more personal the gift is, the more she will want you. Build up a curiosity. Let her guess what it is. Unwrap it only at the end of the date.

6. Talk About Her

You must know when to stop talking about yourself. In fact, your second date should be focused on her. Make her feel important. Show interest in her. Ask her how her day went, and what are the latest happenings in her life. When she speaks, listen patiently.

7. Avoid Getting Too Sticky

Don’t ask too many personal questions. It is too soon to get to know everything about her. She shouldn’t feel like you’re intrusive. Ask general questions about family, work and life. Avoid sensitive topics that she may not be comfortable discussing with you yet.

8. Mention The First Date

This shows her that you’ve been thinking about the first date too. Ask her what she liked the most about your first date. Joke about how nervous you were that day. Help her open up to you and love you for your flaws. You could even ask her what she thought of you the first time you met. These topics always make for funny, interesting conversations.

9. Don’t Expect Too Much

It’s just the second time you’re meeting. Just because you kissed her on the first date doesn’t mean you’re supposed to kiss on the second date too. She may or may not feel like kissing you. Maintain your distance and treat her with respect.

10. Avoid Talking Of Exes

Ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends can be conversation killers. She probably neither wants to discuss her previous relationships nor does she want you to explain how many partners you’ve had till now. Take it slow. Don’t ruin the date because of past experiences that are not too fond to remember.

11. Say Something Nice

Ideally a second date should end in such a way that she cannot wait for the next one. Tell her you’re beginning to like her even more and see her blush. Ask her how she feels and end the date on an honest and heart-warming note. You want her to think of you the whole night, don’t you? Once the date is over, send her a message telling her how great the date was!

——————————

Read more in MENSXP

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

Are you making love or just having sex? – on #WeekendGroove with Damilola Jagun

by Kolapo Olapoju

sex_on_the_beach

As crude as it may sound and seem, it holds water and bears little conjecture to affirm that majority of men just want to have sex, while the female yearn to make love.

Now, you may begin to wonder, ‘what’s the difference between making love and having sex’?

Ordinarily, it shouldn’t take a genius to figure out the differences, but for the fact that both terms have been commonly misconstrued as one, and have been consistently inter-used, interchanged and misused, many seem to think them to be the same.

Having sex is just the act of sexual intercourse between two (or more) willing participants of different sexes. (Call me old fashioned, but I still can’t wrap my head around same sex affairs).

That is sex, a plain, simple, carnal act (to most guys, at least).

Love making on the other hand is the act of copulation, filled with the intensity of affection, emotions, and feelings.

Making love is a sweet, cherished, spiritual act, believes the female gender.

Acceptably, there will always be an exception to the categorization stipulated above, in both the male and female, but then, majority fits the bill.

Most men simply cannot fathom why they can’t indulge in  ‘sex without strings’, ‘one night stands’, ‘friends with benefits’ , and the likes, without being expected to display some semblance of affection, either pre-sex or post-sex.

It is in the nature of the average bachelor to be wary of things like commitment and overt emotions while still sowing their oats indiscriminately. In simpler words, men hardly desire a serious relationship that requires fidelity, while in their bachelor phase, but women can’t have that.

They cannot agree, they don’t understand why we would want them for just sex.

Love making from the female standpoint is not trivial and ordinary as viewed by us.

Women want to enjoy the foreplay, the teasing and tingling sensations and probably cuddle up after sex.

‘For Chrissakes, its just sex’, guys are quick to point out.

An assumption many women would passionately counter, ‘its not just sex, pervert’.

 

Gone are the days when it was believed that ‘you can’t kiss someone you don’t like’. These days, guys will thoroughly French-kiss a lady he loathes, if it means getting laid eventually.

The female on the other hand, in most cases, has to know you, at least relatively, and most importantly, like you substantially, before she can allow you get into her pants.

Women don’t rush into sex, they take their time till they’re ready emotionally and psychologically, hence ‘love making’.

Men can make out anywhere, anytime, anyhow, hence ‘just sex’.

Now, this is not to imply that men do not sometimes desire love-making.

They do.

We do.

Sometimes, albeit rarely.

8 out of 10 times, men simply want to satisfy their sexual urge.

7 out of 10 times, women want to enjoy love making.

A brother can easily go out and take a complete stranger home for the night.

Women would rather masturbate than have sex with a total stranger.

Guys just want to have sex, sometimes enjoy it, and ultimately achieve ejaculation.

Women want to love (enjoy) the act, sometimes achieve orgasm, and ultimately fantasize about it afterwards.

Although of recent, there have been numerous cases where women also tend to go out and just have sex, but it hasn’t been without some lingering iota of regret and shame afterwards.

Bottom-line therefore remains that until men are ready for a serious relationship and willing to fully commit, they simply cannot see sexual intercourse as love making, like the subtle mushy female.

Even at this point, the man does not completely undergo a transformation of sorts.

Rather, he’s willing to make sacrifices to satisfy his partner.

In essence, he’s willing to make love to her to make her happy, but deep down inside, he’s still that ‘just sex’ animal.

————————-

“Goodnight my beautiful people”: Jilted lover’s Facebook post before committing suicide in Cross River (PICTURED)

by S’ola Filani

Effiong

Effion Otu, a 21-year-old student of Maritime Academy, Oron, Akwa Ibom, committed suicide by hanging himself in his room on Thursday morning after he was reportedly jilted by his girlfriend.

According to reports, the unfortunate incident happened on the same day his family marked the 10th anniversary of his dad’s death in a car accident.

Reports say after the anniversary, his family members left the house and he went to a neighbour to borrow a rope. Moments later, the curious neighbours decided to check on him but found the door locked.

Otu had passed on before they could gain access to him and render any help.

Before hanging himself, he was said a called a friend telling him to tell a certain Blessing at UNICEM (a cement factory located in Calabar, Cross River) that she should be happy that he has killed himself over her.

The deceased had reportedly posted the following message on his Facebook page 6 days ago.

“It’s not about being engaged, married or in a relationship. It’s about being happy, safe, secured, relieved and feeling good. It’s about peaceful state of mind, it’s about sleeping at night without the fear of losing what you’ve got.

“It’s being yourself and not someone else, it’s about feeling loved, happy, respected, understood, cared for and appreciated.! Goodnight my beautiful people!

7 tips for getting through to a partner who doesn’t listen

by Lyndsie Robinson

 

Couple Cuddling

 

Getting through to a partner who doesn’t listen is frustrating, difficult, and likely to seem like an exercise in futility once you get exasperated enough. It’s not necessarily that your partner doesn’t want to listen to you; he or she may simply lack active listening skills.

Sometimes, of course, there are deeper issues at fault. Every relationship is different, so you’ll have to consider why your spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend isn’t listening to you. Whatever the case, getting through to a partner who doesn’t listen isn’t impossible – it just requires some dedication and patience.

1. CONSIDER YOUR DELIVERY

How do you talk to your partner? Do you stage a frustrated ambush at the end of the day? Start complaining about something days after it happened, after it’s had time to build up and blow up? If you want to start getting through to a partner who doesn’t listen, you have to think about the way you approach the situation. Every person is different, and your partner may do better with a different delivery method. Think, too, about how you like to be spoken to, and try to approach your partner the same way.

2. TALK, DON’T LECTURE

Similarly, you need to watch the way you talk. Think about it: when someone is talking at you instead of with you or to you, how do you react? You can’t talk at your partner and expect him or her to actively listen. That’s insulting and condescending. This is your partner, not your child. Try not to lecture. This is about communication, it’s not about being right or wrong.

3. LISTEN

If you want someone to listen to you, then you have to listen as well. I know that when I’m feeling like the Better Half isn’t listening to me, I sometimes get all smug and self-righteous about my own listening skills. You can’t get on that train, because it won’t take you anywhere you really want to go. You need to listen to the things your partner says and the things your partner does not say – sometimes you can learn a lot in those silences.

4. DON’T BEAT A DEAD HORSE

Do you always try to discuss the same things? If your partner has a bad habit – never listening, being selfish, not doing the dishes, never putting down the toilet seat – and you’re not seeing improvement, it’s tempting to just keep coming back to that subject. However, then you get back into lecture territory and it’s likely that your partner will shut down. You definitely need to discuss ongoing issues, but don’t make it a constant topic of conversation. Even if you have to write a letter to get your feelings out, just avoid the temptation to lecture.

5. THINK ABOUT YOUR TIMING

When you talk is just as important as how you talk. As I briefly mentioned, starting in on something after you’ve both had long days just won’t work. You shouldn’t do it when your partner’s in the middle of something he or she enjoys, in a public place, or around friends or family members either. As with any other meeting, read your audience first.

6. STICK TO ONE SUBJECT

Don’t kitchen sink your relationship, ever. That’s not good for anyone. When you need to talk about a certain issue, stick to that issue. Don’t let a discussion about dividing the chores spiral into accusations about emotional unavailability, in-laws, or that time your partner forgot to pick you up from the office. Then you’re just letting resentments fly free, and you’ll both end up shutting down and getting angry.

7. MAKE TIME FOR DIALOGUE

Back to timing and knowing when to speak, you might have to schedule some time for a discussion. That’s fine – great, really. You aren’t dropping a huge, unexpected bombshell, and you’ll have time to put your thoughts together first.

—————————–

Read more in All Women Stalk

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

5 dating tips for single Christians

by ‘Ifreke Inyang

black-singles

1) Do not be unequally yoked.

This is what 2 Corinthians 6:14 says emphatically.

It is not right to enter into relationships with unbelivers. Light cannot abide with darkness. If you are dating someone who is not converted, you are playing with your life and your future.

2) Put obedience over passion.

We need to listen to the still, small voice everytime. It is not everything we do that is right. Even the Bible says that the ways that seemeth right to man, the end is destruction.

It is crucial we submit our will to the obedience to God and not obey our feelings or what society thinks.

3) Examine your personal motives.

Ask yourself genuinely: why am I in this relationship? What is my motivation?

Ego gratification? Power? Control? Selfishness or genuine affection?

As a God-fearing individual, our motives must be clean and clear.

4) Be guided by love versus lust.

It has to be about love. Love is the fruit of the Spirit. When once love is present, everything else follows.

We are advised in the Bible not to operate in lust.

5) Allow the Holy Spirit to direct and lead you.

If you feel convicted of certain behaviors, stop doing them.

Grace Efezokhae: Is being faithful to your partner really impossible? (Y! Superblogger)

by Grace Efezokhae

Cheating-in-relationship

The height of it was when a married friend of mine was “advising” me that when I get married, my husband will surely cheat on me and I shouldn’t just be bothered. She went on and on about how it is a “normal” thing. I rebuked it immediately.

We’ve all heard stuffs like these gazillion times;

“This is Africa, all men cheat. It’s their nature”

“Which man on the surface of the earth doesn’t cheat?”

“Men will be men, it’s a man’s world”

“A man will do one of three things; cheat, drink or smoke”

“A man likes to be adventurous; Variety is the spice of life”

The height of it was when a married friend of mine was “advising” me that when I get married, my husband will surely cheat on me and I shouldn’t just be bothered. She went on and on about how it is a “normal” thing. I rebuked it immediately.  I know women cheat too, but the men seem to be more committed to cheating. It even irks me when a man cheats on his wife/girlfriend who is very beautiful with “a million yards of wife material qualities”. What else could he be looking for if I may ask?

But then, I am sick and tired of hearing men justify themselves with all these kind of statements and the women trying to validate them by singing along in chants and rhymes. All these have led to men cheating without even batting an eyelid because his wife, girlfriend and the society has let him off the hook accepting the crap that “men will be men”. Stereotypes like these make the men feel that their inability to have an impulse control is not a big deal.

A guy cheats because he knows he will most likely get away with it. He cheats because it is accepted. He cheats because society will hardly frown on it. He cheats because his reputation is not at stake. He cheats because in his mind his ego is boosted bydoing so.  It’s only when a woman cheats, that there is brouhaha.

There are however men who have embraced the “cheating lifestyle” and the women in their lives have accepted the status quo.  I have even listen to married women talk about the fact that they don’t give a hoot if their husbands cheat on them or not so long as he still provides for her and the family and ultimately does not bring the other women to their home as a second wife. Some even go further as saying that so long as he is not a physical abuser.  I have equally heard unmarried ladies say the same thing in anticipation of when they get married.

TO EACH HIS OWN.

Infidelity has been one of the major causes of divorce these days and I have read and listened to spouses that have been cheated upon. Not everybody has the onus to bear the shock while some others were able to forgive and move on.

Some cheat for pleasure or just plainly “ojukokoro”, but to those who have unmet needs, why not discuss it with your spouse rather than just cheat on the person. Communication is very important. Be specific about your emotional and sexual needs. Talk about what you want, how you want it and how you can become better.

I am not yet married but this is one very key issue I will have to discuss with my hubby. It takes the special grace of God to withstand temptations from cheating on our spouses, but with a strong will and determination, I think we can all have strong convictions on the sacredness of fidelity. And if it ever happens…*Lips sealed*. We will both cross the bridge when we get there. No matter any excuse anyone who ever cheats has, a man/woman cheats because he/she has made up her mind to.

To all ye unmarried whose boyfriends/girlfriends are cheating on you and you have decided to turn a blind eye to it, it’s your choice. But to those who are still being indecisive about the whole relationship, think well o. If you can’t withstand it now, getting married won’t change a thing. I have good news for you though; have you heard of olx.com? You can sell unwanted items there o. Just upload your cheating boyfriend or girlfriend’s picture and exchange for an iPhone 5s. Whichever way, it all boils down to what you want and what you can condone.

BE WISE!

And so my highly esteemed readers, what is your take on this whole matter?

 

————————

Grace Efezokhae blogs from www.graciemama.com

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.