by Temitope Shittu-Alamu

By now, I presume that we have all began to NOT do the things we resolved to do in 2013. Yeah those resolutions we all made in 2012. I mean it’s been three weeks into the New Year, so enough time to revert to our original selves. From business to family and ministry and career, I heard loads of resolutions, as always.

So, I made a resolution to be very calm this year. It’s not even in my nature to be calm, I have zero patience and I don’t like slow motion things, but I made the resolution still. Yeah so this is what the resolution really entailed; be patient, behave like a lady, accommodate people’s excesses, don’t get into arguments; its very un-lady-like, slow down, bla bla bla etc.

Just like us all the plan was to stick to my resolution and do an appraisal like every quarter.

Am guessing lots of us have severally sworn to cut down on sugar, read a book a month, keep in touch with friends better, wake up early to pray, hmnnn (yimu). Anyway, so the year began on a very bright note. I saw fireworks, got gifts from the boo, hung out with friends, drank lots of Coke. Cutting down on Coca-Cola intake was my resolution 2 years ago but hey, its been 2 years huh, so moving on to greater things. I had enough Coke to last me the first quarter of the year, and then I resumed work 2 days behind schedule. There was a very genuine reason mind you. So on my resumption day the first major issue: there was traffic. I HATE traffic. Sigh. And of all places to want to try and be calm. Usually I’ll start to shake my legs, stretch my neck like 5 times in a minute to see how far it extends, oh and then, do the long hiss. The hiss was at no one in particular. Or maybe it was at God. I mean I always accompanied the hiss with “ohhhh God” and then stretch to look out again. In my restlessness I would buy gala, buy coke, buy chewing gum, and even start to consider buying those ugly but colorful tamborines on display. You never know, you may need it in church one day (lol). But today was just the first day of testing the New Year Resolution Theory. It was too early to start missing steps. So, traffic on my resumption day was plain disgusting, but I just made a resolution and I was sticking to it. I was as calm as when neighbour’s turn off their generator. Let’s just say I had a strategy. Keeping quiet works a lot I guess. Or maybe keeping quiet but sending the message with your facial expression. If arguments come up I’ll be quiet, if someone is too dulling I’ll be quiet still.

So, anyway, in the middle of my being calm, a certain slightly elderly Yoruba man, with tribal marks and a cap to show for it  wangled his way to my front, bent the side mirror and even dented the car. It was an obvious dent but I was calm. Oh, I was calm. My legs were shaking already, but I was calm. I think I may have hissed a little, but God knows I was still calm. I mean what lady comes out of her car to make noise with “baba” early in the morning. So I sat still with all the “aura” of a posh babe, and gave the man a very mean, very serious side-eye. I must say I was very happy at my progress in the resolution paroles. I mean I still was able to put myself together. I was leveling up to take up the rest of the day’s anti-calming challenge, and next thing I heard was a loud shatter. Ohhhhhhhh God! I exclaimed loudly, and started to open my car door. I replayed my New Year resolution in my head as I did so, and what I saw made me march straight to baba’s car. And boy did I stick to my resolution?

Find out next week, or maybe next year…

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