by Teresa Maples

The act of sex releases brain chemicals called dopamine and oxytocin. These powerful chemicals trigger the brain’s reward center to improve your mood and make you feel fantastic

Our culture promotes sex everywhere from magazine covers to product advertisements. When sex sells, it sets us up to objectify ourselves and others. When we objectify someone, we really don’t see the other person. We lose out on the most intimate loving parts of a relationship and we look to magazines, books and blogs to help us get the relationship we’ve always wanted. What we fail to realize is that the best person to consult about our beauty is ourselves.

As a mental health counselor, I encounter many people who are uncomfortable discussing their self-image and sexuality with their partners. This shame scares people from sharing their true selves with another person. This fear gets in the way of developing healthy self-esteem. But when a person owns her innermost self — and is happy with who she is — she projects a beauty radiating with confidence (and that’s sexy). People naturally are drawn to those who make them feel good. Healthy sexuality and intimacy is about having the courage to love and be loved in return. Here are some ways in which people benefit from sex:

1. Having a healthy attitude about your sexuality promotes beauty from within.Experts say, “a sexually healthy person is someone who feels comfortable with his or her sexuality.” This means, a person doesn’t view sex as something naughty, bad, improper or sinful and can engage in it without feeling guilty or anxious. When you’re comfortable with who you are on the inside, your attractiveness is infectious on the outside. Others want to be around you and have what you have. The movie Shallow Hal is a good example of physically portraying a woman’s inner beauty. Hal only dated women who were physically beautiful. One day, however, he gets hypnotized to recognize only the inner beauty of women. Hal then meets a grossly obese woman and all he can see is her inner beauty. Beauty from within comes from feeling good about you.

2. Physical attractiveness is based on what people see. This has to do with genetics and how you take care of yourself. Sure, you can’t change your genes, but maintaining good hygiene and dressing well go a long way. You probably are not going to be as attractive in sweats and a dirty T-shirt as you would be in a fashionable dress and nice shoes. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with sweats and a dirty T-shirt, it’s just not as sexy. Pay attention to how you style your hair or carry yourself and you’ll start to see how others perceive you differently.

3. Physical attractiveness is based on what people know about you. How people perceive your physical beauty is also influenced by your personality traits. A studyconducted in 2007 concluded that people will change how they rate a person’s attractiveness based on learning about the person’s positive or negative personality traits. If a person was kind, caring, smart or funny, his/her rating of attractiveness increased. If the rater learned the person was untrustworthy, mean or materialistic, his/her physical beauty scores decreased.

4. Sex puts you in a good mood. The act of sex releases brain chemicals called dopamine and oxytocin. These powerful chemicals trigger the brain’s reward center to improve your mood and make you feel fantastic—making them natural stress relievers. When you feel good about yourself, your inner beauty shines through to others and you become more attractive.

5. Sex helps you stay fit. It keeps your pelvic floor muscles firm and strong, and also works your core. Also, core muscles are essential to good posture. Keeping your body fit improves your physical appearance and decreases your chances of getting sick. Several studies have shown that sex can decrease your chances of getting certain types of cancer or having heart disease.

6. Sex reduces stress and allows you to get better sleep and rest. When you are rested and stress free, it is easy to feel good about yourself and feel attractive inside and out. Good sleep restores cells in your body giving you beautiful skin and hair, and reducing bags and dark circles under your eyes. Try this exercise: pay attention to your feelings the next time you are around someone who is tired and stressed out. What do you feel? Are you repelled by him/her or attracted to him/her? Then, hang out with someone who is well-rested and stress-free. Whom are you more attracted to? To be more attractive, be the person you would want to hang out with.

The better you feel about yourself the more your beauty shines through. If you accept yourself for who you are and that you are enough, you model self-care for others. You don’t have to be physically perfect to be beautiful. All you need is to like yourself and have the courage to be open-hearted with others. Your true beauty will shine through for all to see.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.