by Anna Bella
Having a fight with a loved one is not a happy time. You often feel like your frustrations have fallen on deaf ears because your partner doesn’t understand you.
You may even ask yourself why you are with this person, anyway! So what happens next? Fortunately, you can make things work again through a bit of effort, hard work, and lots of love and understanding.
I remember reading a magazine a long time ago that explained how exercise releases our ‘happy hormones.’ And I know how much better I feel after a walk or swim. Take your frustrations out on the treadmill and run an extra mile. You should begin to feel a lot more willing to talk calmly to your partner afterward.
Happy memories are good for the soul. Remember all the good times you two have had. Bringing up happier times may calm you down and help you to feel more generous toward him when you talk about the issues that caused the argument in the first place.
Write yourself a letter about how you feel and everything your partner has done wrong in your eyes. Let all your emotions out. Then rewrite it. But rewrite it constructively. I will generally begin my letters with looking at my partner’s point of view. I tell him that I understand how hurt he must be feeling when I appear to ignore him at times — if that was his major issue and it was warranted. I apologize and then tell him what I will do to make it up to him. This way he is feeling calmer and more ready to listen to the way I feel when he has upset me.
4. Talk with a support person
If you’re not good at expressing yourself through writing and evaluating what happened by yourself, acquire advice from a wise person. I’m not necessarily advocating you talk to your best friend who is going to tell you that you are right, your lover is wrong, and you should not talk to your significant other until they apologize. I’m suggesting you talk to someone who will be able to help you work through this maturely. Depending on the nature of the fight, it could be a family member, a friend, or a professional person trained to help you. Whoever you choose, make sure it’s someone who can offer you support for the way you are feeling but is able to help you see things from your partner’s perspective too.
Finally, when you have calmed down, and you can see your partner has calmed down, talk to them openly, honestly, and lovingly. Let them lead the conversation and have their say first. Stay quiet and try to listen without getting emotional. Then have your say – calmly and without accusation.
6. Say Sorry
Someone has to make the first move. There are usually two sides to an argument and if, during the fight, your partner has told you some home truths about yourself, apologize for them- if they are justified. If your partner has pointed out the fact that you spend more time on your cell than you do on him/her, and you know that’s true, apologize for that. But don’t apologize if your partner has a gripe about you buying new apparel for your sister’s wedding. Just let them understand how important it is to you to look nice for all those obligatory family photos.
It’s difficult having to take a mature stand in a relationship, but it’s good to model best behavior and show someone how you are able to deal with a negative situation in a positive way. It’s also a good way to show your partner that even though you have had a fight, it doesn’t mean the end of the relationship. It just means that it’s a step in the right direction for learning how to communicate well together and staying together through the good and the bad times.
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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.