by Kschlicher

The important part of having a healthy relationship is that you are both secure enough in your feelings that you want to see each other happy, no matter who you’re with or what you’re doing.

Women are naturally better communicators than men and therefore tend to ask more emotional questions.  However, have you ever realized how angry a man can get after playing 21 questions? When it comes to relationships, most women want to know everything that a man is thinking and his secrets are considered little enemies capable of ruining their relationship. However, nothing could be farther from the truth. In fact, it’s absolutely necessary for each partner to have his or her own personal world, thoughts, feelings and boundaries that belong to him or her and no one else. So what are you supposed to do to still be involved in your man’s life, but not pry and end up scaring him away?  The first step would be to avoid, or be cautious asking him these 7 questions.

1. Are you attracted to other women?

This comes down to self-esteem (and therefore attention) and confidence in your relationship. A man who doesn’t look at anyone or feel anything for other women is either very old, very tired, or just plain lying.  Looking at and responding to others doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t find you desirable or is comparing you.  Of course too much gawking or staring is inappropriate, are you going to tell me you’ve never glanced at an attractive guy?  We are all humans.  If he takes it to the next level and starts to flirt, however, he’s definitely not fully committed to you and its time to reevaluate your relationship.

2. What are you thinking?

This question usually comes up in a moment of silence, and often times while in bed.  Some women want to make sure that a man is thinking only of them in bed, but this is a very complicated question for a guy. Make sure you can tolerate hearing about what’s going on in your man’s mind, and remember not to assume he doesn’t care about you.  You might be amazed when he answers “oh, just the football game yesterday.”  Men’s minds can wonder to multiple subjects, while women tend to concentrate on the activity at hand and analyze every detail.  Relax and take your man’s answer for what it is.

3. Do I look fat?

Most men have learned that the answer to this question is always no. Always. No exceptions.   Women and weight have too close of a bond and women often define themselves and their worth by the scale.  Therefore, men are prepared and ready to say, “No, you look beautiful!” no matter what.  If a woman really cares about looking fat, she should look in the mirror and decide for herself.   If she feels great, then no need to ask for affirmation.  But the attention-seeking woman might be desperate for compliments and turn to her man for her fix.  It’s most important to be healthy, no matter what the scale says.

4. What happened in your past relationships?

Some women become obsessed with finding out everything about their man’s past. They need to know if they measure up to ex-girlfriends or wives, if he’s as happy with them as he was before and if he’s really over a past heartbreak. You might be especially concerned about what went wrong with your guy’s previous relationships. Remember, though, he might have been a very different man then, and he probably learned from his mistakes. Try not to hold his past wrongs against him because chances are he doesn’t want to be reminded of them. He doesn’t want you to see him in a bad light. Let him be the person he is now. Let him feel good about how he is with you, and not dragged through memories of what he did (or didn’t do) with other partners.  Of course it’s important to communicate, but too much probing shows a lack of trust and confidence in your relationship.

5. Where (or how) do you think our relationship is going?

Some women want to know how their guy is feeling about the relationship in general, so they sit him down to get the details. The problem is that this discussion makes many men feel pressured and restless. This question is pretty vague, and a guy may not understand what you’re actually asking him. For example, is this the precursor to discussing marriage, or do you simply want to know whether you are exclusively dating or not?  A man will have opinions of where the relationship is going, just like women do.  However, most men don’t respond well when they feel backed up into a corner.  Instead of pinning all of your expectations on a forced discussion, try to keep communication open in the relationship all the time. That way, you can both express your feelings as they arise, and have them heard and attended to naturally.

6. Do you enjoy being with your friends more than being with me?

Many women become possessive of their man’s attention and resentful of time spent away from them. This is particularly true for nights out with the guys. Women want to be included in every activity as proof of their partner’s love for them. And if a guy is out with his buddies, they ask if he enjoyed the time more, or less, than the time spent at home because they secretly want to hear that he did not. Some women even feel threatened when a man is with his family. The important part of having a healthy relationship is that you are both secure enough in your feelings that you want to see each other happy, no matter who you’re with or what you’re doing.

7. Can I bring over some of my stuff?

When a woman asks “Is it okay if I bring some of my stuff to your place? Just some clothes and a pillow or so…nothing much,” the severity of a man’s reaction be very indicative of where he sees your relationship going, or how much he is willing to sacrifice in his life for you.  By keeping clothes, a toothbrush, and some face wash at his place, it marks your place in his life and priority of his time.  Men dread this question if the relationship is new, and therefore moving faster than they want, or is not yet a priority in his life.  Women should only ask this questions once a “where is our relationship going” conversation occurs and should not pop up out of nowhere.  If you haven’t even established that you are exclusive, it’s probably not appropriate to ask for a dresser drawer.

—————————-

Read this article in Madame Noire

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.