You won’t be able to move forward in your relationship unless you free yourself from that moment. Let it go.
When a woman finds out her lover is cheating, it’s devastating. It can leave you in a deep depression and could possibly lead to substance abuse. It’s hard to accept because the new finding is so abrupt and comes so suddenly. You begin to call the other woman a slut, trash and even blame her for the infidelity.
When my husband began his cheating ways, I blamed it on everything but me. I remember when I found out who the ‘slut’ was. I was hurt and devastated mostly by how she look. I felt she didn’t look better than me, she wasn’t educated like me and most of all she was ugly… at least to me. I thought over and over “Why she?’, ‘Why did he cheated on me with her?’.
I vowed to get back and my journey began. I found myself returning to the old things I use to do. I went to the nail shop, I went to the hair dresser and I changed my wardrobe. I then realized that maybe because I neglected these things before, my lover looked at another woman who didn’t neglect her appearance. The other woman was actually nice looking and I felt like she was the totally opposite of me. I guess I assumed he’d understand that I didn’t get my hair fixed because I was at home cooking and cleaning for HIM all day. But, though I did all these things, my man was still messing around. I would be at home dressed up, calling him on the phone, cursing him out about not being home.
One day his phone ranged and I answered it. The person said nothing as I continued to say hello. Then the phone hung up. I called the number back and the saga began. She told me basically everything I wanted to know and some that I didn’t want to hear. As she pierced my heart with all the times my man was with her and all the things he bought her, my mind began to travel back. I thought back to the times when I thought I heard him talking on the phone in the other room. I later found out he would be on the phone for hours with her and sometimes I was with him. Everything quickly began to add up and answers filled the suspicions.
When we would argue I begun to listen to what he said instead of defend myself against everything he said. When he said I fussed to much, he was tired of me nagging, I stopped fussing and nagging him. I stopped calling the other woman and cursing her out all day. I began calling him asking him what he wanted for dinner. I stopped letting the other woman take control of my entire day.
The biggest part was forgiving him for cheating and letting it go. You will always think about the times he cheated and you will always feel like you never deserved it. You can allow your mind and all your energy to constantly return to that devastating time over and over until you find yourself stuck right there. You won’t be able to move forward in your relationship unless you free yourself from that moment. Let it go.
I realized I had to joggle my many roles in life. I’m a mother, sister, lover, daughter and aunt. I put all these roles in their proper place. When I deal with my man, I’m his lover and friend, I don’t need to be in the mother mode. I bought some sexy underwear, sweet smelling perfume, and I got a manicure. I started wearing sexy appealing clothes that kept my man watching me. I made breakfast every morning and I fixed dishes that had him licking the plate. It wasn’t long before my man was home every night and the other woman was a thing of the past.
Top 7 ways to stop your man from cheating:
1. Stop nagging and fussing about everything. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. If you want your husband to fix something around the house, ask him in a nice way while you are scratching his head.
2. Fix him breakfast and dinner. Cook his favorite meals and create new dishes with his favorite foods.
3. Leave the past in the past. Don’t constantly bring his mistakes, his past mistakes and old flings in the present. Leave the old stuff in the past, let it go.
4. Keep yourself up. Brush your teeth, keep your breath smelling fresh, bathe in perfumes or good smelling soap. Comb your hair and keep it looking good daily. Keep your nails and toes manicured. eyebrows arched, lips and face crust free. If he loves you it doesn’t matter if your booty is flat, he still want you to wear those hip huggers jeans. He knows exactly how you are shaped and he wants you anyway. So get your sexy on ok. He’s waiting.
5. Listen To Your Man. You may think that what he has to say is silly but this is the part you really need to listen to. Men don’t explain themselves to often so it’s very important to listen he speaks. From that great speech you learn your man and what he wants. Remember that a man is the king of his castle and he wants to be treated that way.
6. Respect Your Man. Many times and most of the times we are usually right. At times in a relationship being right or wrong is second to respect. You should respect your man at all times and sometimes that mean shutting up and not telling him what you really want to.
7. Be nice and respectful to his mother. Mother-in-laws can be a handful but don’t forget she’s still his mother. The Bible says to honor your mother and father. No matter what he says his mother did to him and what she didn’t do for him is not your issues. He’s telling your his issues because you are his friend and he should be able to tell you everything. He’s not telling you this to take up a fight with his mother. He will always love her regardless and he’ll never forget anything bad you said about her.
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.