Are there still friends without ‘benefits’?

We already know having a friend that will keep it ‘casual’ with you these days is almost impossible. Un-fortunately, sex is an add-on in a typical man-woman friendship. As the Twitter user in the above tweet, people often need friends who will satisfy their sexual urge in dire situations or reaffirm their sexual prowess. Disagree? Argue with your ever-active genitals.

Friend with benefits (FWB) was probably not common until twenty years ago. Say, millennials introduced the system, and Gen Z made it famous. It is a casual sexual relationship with either a friend or a random person.

The general idea is that you are friends (or at least friendly) with the other person and have sexual chemistry but are not interested in pursuing a more serious, romantic relationship.

When it is agreed that the friendship is for ‘benefits,’ it is strictly sexual, devoid of physical intimacy, though it may have started as a platonic friendship. For many people, FWB situationships are a great way to satisfy sexual adventures without having to make any commitment or emotional investment.

Indeed, an FWB situationship is advantageous to people interested in having multiple partners and pursuing different kinds of relationships simultaneously.

There is no formula to this kind of relationship, and as long as the terms of the agreement stay, the partners in the FWB situationship enjoy it while it lasts. There is no proven data that FWBs can separate sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy while they stay together.

These are the issues

An FWB situationship usually is not discussed, especially in spaces like Nigeria where conversations on most matters are not had. Friends assume that since they are friends, there should be benefits. “After all, what are friends for?”

Usually, the fuck buddy wants to get all the good stuff — the sex fantasies, the cuddles — minus all of the dull, would-rather-die activities that go hand in hand with commitment. Essentially, you’re taking a relationship and removing the creepy ownership of another human being, which leaves more room for hedonism and sexual exploration.

There are supposed friends who go as far as initiating heated arguments because they think the other friend “who should be an adult” should have understood the assignment and acted accordingly. This is friends break up their relationship or, in extreme cases, abuse sets in.

Asides from that, sex is an intimate activity. Reason people say a lot of jargon in the process of it. “Oh, I love you so much,” “Oh Tunde, we should get married.” It is the same as drunk people who have no idea what they are spewing. Though, it is a message from the subconscious that gets into the limelight. Therefore, it may mean that the sexual singer – or moaning partner as the case may be – intends to form a relationship beyond sex with the person.

There are also instances of people just needing a friend to talk to. No strings attached. No emotional attachments. Just someone they can tell their stories and be comforted or helped. It usually happens that when sex becomes part of the arrangement, the relationship becomes problematic.

That kind of friendship is becoming more and more impossible to achieve. And, as the sex conversation becomes more and more intense, we may be looking at a time when it is either FWB or nothing.

Why can’t we just be friends please?

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