Breakups are the worst.
The absolute worst.
Long cranky days, finding weird comfort in sugar filled foods, tears and a Taylor Swift/Ed Sheeran playlist. Almost forgot! The sad, sad, movies..
We’ve all gone through it at some point, so we know losing someone you’ve created a strong bond with, someone you care about deeply can be a devastating experience. But the fact that it is sometimes even tougher when you’re the one who leaves is something you could only know if you have experienced it.
Then you wonder, just how do you break up with your girlfriend or boyfriend?
You must realise is that there is no painless way. It will hurt them, and would also hurt you and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about this. Now that you’ve internalised this, here’s a step by step guide to breaking it off;
1. Maintain distance
The purpose of this is to simply prepare yourself mentally for the task ahead. Stop making contact at least a week before, your partner will notice the withdrawal and that prepares them in a way.
2. Be SURE about your decision
I get it, you hate that you’re even thinking about this because you love this person. You’ve probably.
You have different expectations about life or were unable to resolve or get to the bottom of your conflicts. Or you’ve realised you just don’t love this person like you used to. Identifying these reasons will arm for questions your partner might ask, and they will help you to understand the breakup yourself.
3. DO.NOT.BREAKUP.VIA.PHONE. Do it in person
Breakups should always be in person. Never use email, text messages or a letter. It’s usually very easy to drop some lines in a text and hit SEND, but I think that’s the highest level of disrespect in a relationship. You owe them this one last thing and it has must be done right so things don’t even get messier. I know this is tempting because it seems so much easier, but it would also be another type of betrayal, grow some balls and tell them to their face.
4. BE prepared
You must be well prepared, and have an idea of what to say in advance.
Your partner is shocked and if they’re anything like me, will have a thousand questions. The varying reactions range from person to person but some major ones are crying, begging, aggressiveness, and even insults. Whichever one it is, stay very calm and do not fight with them. Remember to;
• Apologise that things have not worked
• Try to avoid intimate body contact. (No kissing,touching or even hugging)
5. Be clear that it’s over
You’ve made your decision. Stick to it whenever you talk to your partner. Do not leave any cracks in the wall. The earlier they accepts that it is over, the quicker they begin the healing and separation process.
PLEASE DON’T SAY
• “A part of me still loves you”
• “I never loved anybody as I loved you”
• “we can still be friends”
It doesn’t help. All these are emotional crutches we try to lie on especially if there are feelings on our side.
6. Allow them deal with it
When you break up with someone, that person often remains in a state of shock for several days.
Most of the time they cannot remember what you said during the breakup, so they never really assimilate the causes or your reasons that led to it. In this case, he/she will seek closure. Stay strong, this is major key.
7. Stick to the …¨NO contact rule
Now, this is one of the most important ways to heal from a breakup. It’s extremely hard not to dial that number you’ve been calling for months or even years when something significant happens. Sometimes the urge to call or meet is so strong, you must resist it.