Charlie’s Angels: A tale of Mr Sheen

by Aninoritse Odeli-Serrano

What happened to ‘Anino in London’? My editors asked me a few weeks ago. Good question! Truth is, I have no idea. The blog just died ‘one kain death’ like this. Well you can’t blame me – I went through a number of issues (who hasn’t) and then Anino somehow found herself in the Motherland called Nigeria, but that is no excuse. I hereby declare that ‘Anino in London’ is back (God help me o), and for the next few weeks, it’ll be known as ‘Anino in London via Lagos’. I like the sound of that, don’t you?

My stay in Nigeria has been exciting and challenging (I nor go lie you. Naija hard, no bi small). My routine has changed. Somehow I have been able to survive without drinking Kenya and Assam Tea or watching proper television and please don’t even mention DSTV or HiTV; they have no content, I am sorry to say. NEPA is not my friend (and apparently not anyone’s either), Lagos heat is damn hot. Shall I go on? Surely, I can but it’s not all bad. It’s fun and if I say I am not enjoying myself, I am telling a Big Fat Lie. Anyway, I shall try to write about my stories in Nigeria because trust me, I have them plenty.

On to the business of the day!! This may be stale news, but I want to talk about it – it is my blog jor!

I actually felt pity for Lindsay Lohan a few weeks ago, when Cractor (I just coined that. Crack-Actor) Charlie Sheen gave her some ‘advice’ about life by telling her ‘control her impulses’.

Eh? Mi o gbo dada…Who gave who advice?

Not that he’s not qualified; he has had a bit of life experience (alcohol, sex, women) but what made him think he can give the DUI queen advice? This part baffles me.

Many of us have had nights like Mr Sheen. You go to the club or the bar, meet someone cool, dance and drink all night and then take them home. Well, maybe not all of us but you get the picture. Some people dream to be like him, some want to be him (to an extent), ladies want to be near him (his money of course) and some want him. So is he is a big boy? A Badt guy?  A McSexy?

If any of you answered yes to these questions, go and shoot yourself for the good of the human race!

Almost every girl has at one point in her life had a bad boy who is obviously no good for her, yet she chooses to ignore everyone’s advice and stick with him. This bad boy does the rock n’ roll, drugs, alcohol, sex and what not. Charlie Sheen is the master of them all.

Mr Sheen has been in rehab twice in recent times for all the usual: drugs, alcohol, violence, porn stars – the whole works. His show, ‘Two and a Half Men’ was temporarily postponed (and now the network has finally dropped him) whilst he fixed up. But did he fix up? The guy looked like a haunted scarecrow or an old drunken sailor who has seen better days, yet Hollywood welcomed him back with open arms (dem dey crase o). I thought I might feel sorry for him. After all, I’m no saint either, but I wonder why someone would choose to live a life like this. Is this how to have millions? If so, keep them far away from me.

Charlie Sheen seems to be made out of a special type of sand, from the stables of Mel Gibson and co. And for this he is hailed, idolised and paid millions. Why? That is the million dollar question. He has become a Twitter legend. People tweet at him with so much joy and glee, I’m actually scared (na wa o, na so una don spoil finish). Have we lost all morals? Has that generation accepted it as the norm, waiting for my generation to take over? Since when did it become cool to shag porn stars and parade to the world that you just did so next door to where your wife and kids sleep?

Ye pa…it haff finish.

There is a school of thought that believes that everything men do, or dream of doing – from climbing Mount Kilimanjaro to making millions, to exercising and even thinking – is all to impress women (I believe this). Could it be that many men want to be like Charlie because it is believed that women want men like him? Now I am getting psychological, I am sorry, but this is a serious issue. If this is true – that women love men like Charlie Sheen – then these women need to get over this phase real quick or stop talking about it. Remember this, sometimes men actually do listen to what we say, and want to interpret it to the best of their knowledge; and to say we “love” the bad boys is leading to an epic fail on our part as women. Surely there must be other men to idolize and pay millions, but must it be Charlie Sheen? There are men who are actually worth our time, but I repeat, they are not Charlie Sheen.

Comments (3)

  1. Welcome back!

  2. Sheen is one of those kind of guys, you just can't help to talk and his attitude toward life and everything around him make him larger than life.

  3. *Comot face* Abegi joor! We are #winning

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