by Richmond Okezie
It’s the social media generation.
Different people use social media to, among other things, meet people, for different reasons; identity thieves, serial killers & scammers need to find unsuspecting victims, some need to reconnect with their high school crushes, others want to stalk their exes, spammers need to find obese people to introduce their new awesome weight-loss products to, those in need of relationships want to find potential spouses so in the end their wedding gist would make it to Bella Naija, others just want to make new friends and “network”.
My interest is in the last two categories, and experience has shown that the success of meeting someone online who subsequently would become a critical factor in one’s life depends on the quality of the conversation that ensues after the initial meet and this brings me to the topic of this piece.
Sapiosexuals, who are they? They’re simply those who find intelligent and smart people attractive. There are two types of Sapiosexuals; The Mild – these are everyday Sapiosexuals, and The Extreme – these are the Sapiosexuals that feed on and off of intelligence/smartness displayed by the opposite sex, are easily bored by it and never get enough of it.
These Extreme Sapiosexuals are rare to come across, hence, my discuss would refer solely to the everyday Sapiosexuals, The Milds. What follows are what I, as a Mild Sapiosexual, consider to be the top five conversation killers, in their order of criminality severity.
- “Have you eaten?”
Ladies and gentlemen, this question right here eats at the very essence of my being, it claws away at the arteries of my heart, it guts me open and leaves me bleeding out. This question should be criminal. This is the ultimate conversation killer.
Nigerians who ask this question, nine out of ten times, are not interested in the state of your bowels. They do not care whether you die of starvation or not. They would never offer to buy you lunch or dinner or cook one for you. They don’t even have any idea where you live. They care less about your work schedules. They are thousands of miles away from you. Why then would someone like this ask whether you’ve eaten or not? Because they simply do not have anything more to say or ask.
You’re not our (Sapiosexuals) mother, father, husband or wife. We’re not siblings or cousins. Stop asking what the “Dodo” we ate tasted like and whether the Pounded Yam we ate gave us indigestion. Stop asking us whether or not we have eaten. Thank you.
If you cannot directly or indirectly provide food or influence what, when and how a person eats, then you have no business asking whether they have eaten or not. That information is irrelevant to you.
I’ve deleted and blocked people for less. Those who respond to questions and statements with ‘K’ should not only be deleted and blocked, they deserve to be punched in the face banned from social media.
Understand that the “K.” with a period is more evil than the “K” without a period. “K.”? What exactly does this mean? The symbol for potassium on the periodic table? Are we in a chemistry class now? Someone would often write two pages worth of text to another person, only for that person to reply with “K.”? If you do this, on a scale of sadistic to narcissistic, how psychopathic are you?
Next time someone hits you with a “K.”, delete and block them, well, because punching them in the face is still illegal.
The correct form is “Okay”, but if you’re feeling a little lazy, you can do away with the “ay” leaving only “ok” and that would still be ok. On no condition should you use the letter “K.” as a response to a statement or question when talking to a sapiosexual. We hate it.
- “How was your night?”
Just like the first conversation killer on this list, this question doesn’t come as a show of care or affection, rather, in the chronology of shallow conversational lines, this comes after “good morning”.
Nigerians believe it’s very perfect after exchanging morning greetings, to inquire whether you had nightmares the night before, well, because, if for some reason you did and could not sleep well, their “Eiyaaa” and “Sorry eh!” would make you feel better, relieved and refreshed. What importance is the detail of someone’s sleep to you? Are you asking because you want to hear about the dream they had and possibly can’t remember or you want to know if they were able to kill the sixteenth mosquito that buzzed in their ears? Do you want to know if their bedsheets were soaked with sweat because the power was out (Hello PHCN)? Did you bewitch their night and is asking to confirm whether it worked or not? I really don’t get it.
Only time this question is okay, is if you slept with and or by the person in question, then you can ask how their night were (perhaps, you snored all through or talked through your sleep and hence, they couldn’t sleep well, in which instance, it would only be fair you asked how their night were).
- “How was your day?”
In the fourth position is this one. This question is not as evil as the others, but nine out of ten times that Nigerians ask how your day was, they are not interested in the details of how many hours you spent in traffic, or how the “Ewedu” you ate in the afternoon sabotaged your stomach and had you spend half your working hours in the toilet, or how a customer was rude to you at work, or the challenges you faced at work, no, they are not interested. The people who ask this question often do not even know what you do with your day, they don’t care either, but they ask still, how was your day?
If you do not know what someone does with his/her day, the kind of daily experiences and challenges they face, and you lack the intention and ability to make an input that would subsequently better their day, then you have no business asking this question.
- Unnecessary Shorthand & Abbreviation of Words.
This is at the bottom of the list and is a big conversation killer.
Like every other Sapiosexual, this puts me off, especially when it’s displayed by the opposite sex. Honestly, I can’t decide whether they can’t spell or they’re just too lazy to type the innocent words in full. How are people comfortable typing entire sentences in shorthand? What is the essence? To type faster? I just don’t get it.
The only short form texts that are acceptable are those synonymous with social media such as “LOL, LMAO, IDK, IDC, FYI, BRB, etc.,”. Do not shorten your words when chatting with a Sapiosexual, we do not read gibberish.
There are more of these conversation killers, but these are the top five. People have lost potential jobs, friendships and opportunities simply because they cannot carry on simple conversations. Guys, there are deeper subjects that interest ladies other than what they are wearing and how tight it is on their skin. Ladies, there are deeper subjects that interest guys other than “taking you out” and liking your bathroom selfies on Instagram. Sapiosexuals are intellectuals and creative, they love to discuss among other enlightening subjects, groundbreaking ideas & innovations, developments in the domestic and global economy, art, entrepreneurship and business, career. They love to talk about these things, and once in a blue moon, talk about parties and social events.
Say no to conversation killers, say no to shallow conversations, say no to shallow mindedness.
Op–ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija
Opinion article written by Richmond Okezie