by Olusegun Dada
The Nigerian government wanted some cache of weapons in South Africa which of course is needed to fight our worst enemies “Boko Haram”. So our government immediately hatched a fool proof plan to get the weapons from South Africa.
I am not a weapons person so I can’t really say for certain what $9.3 million can get us on the open market, but here is the timeline of operations according to our government’s explanation:
- They needed weapons for fighting Boko Haram or whatever it is government does with arms purchased from foreign companies.
- Now, our President alone owns about 10 jets on his fleet and is actually asking for one more. We have hundreds of military planes that could have been sent on such a mission.
- The government could have charted a cargo plane. Even if it didn’t trust Arik because of the row with Omojuwa over his iPad, there are still reputable cargo airlines out there. After all, $9.3 million is bigger than an iPad.
- Our government then decides to charter a private jet from a company who then leased the jet from a company in which Pastor Oristejafor has ‘’residual interest’’.
- Bear in mind that Pastor Oristejafor is our President’s (The owner of the Nigerian government’’ close friend and spiritual adviser.
- Those kind of coincidences are what makes conspiracy theorists like me make a living.
- So the Nigerian government conveniently forgets to tell the government of South Africa about the arrival of our arms money in its territory. Horrible oversight.
- So pronto! $9.3 million is loaded into the jet that Pastor Oritsejafor has ‘’residual interest’’ in.
- Again we must remember that since Pastor Oristejafor has only ‘’residual interest’’ in the company, he doesn’t need to know what activities the jet is used for.
- Pastor Oristejafor got said jet as a birthday gift from his ‘’Church Members’’ who are so blessed by the good pastors lifestyle and anointing.
- Plane moved from Abuja on the 6th of September 2014 for South Africa carrying two Nigerian civilians and one Israeli with alleged links to the Mossad.
- The flight crew is instructed to wait on the tarmac and bring back both men and weapons to Abuja by the 7th.
- Now this method of getting weapons is totally different from the original method employed by countries who sell arms to each other.
- The method employed by the Nigerian government to get these arms is one used usually by gang leaders and terrorists.
- Since we can’t buy weapons ourselves, we decided to get an Israeli to help us. As the Israelis too beg us to help them get weapons into their country.
- The cashless policy we just introduced doesn’t stop us from carrying much liquid cash around.
- $9.3 million in cash, jet, two Nigerian civilians and an Israeli are detained on arrival in South Africa.
- Sahara Reporters break news and most of the political sitting-on-the-fence-twitter said it was a lie straight from the pit of hell.
- The Nigerian government finally wakes up from its slumber and remembered it sent a jet, $9.3 million and three people to South Africa.
- Ayo Oritsejafor finally remembers his jet is missing and identifies the one Sahara Reporters are reporting as his.
- The Nigerian government finally owns up to its mistake. The money is theirs; the jet is for a company that leased it from another company that Pastor Oritsejafor has interests in. Residual interests…
- CAN (Christian Association of Nigeria) isn’t the owner of the seized jet but releases a statement anyway blaming the trio of Nasir El-Rufai, Lai Mohammed and Sahara Reporters for the woes of its president.
- Press release looks like it was drafted in Wadata Plaza by Olisa Metuh because it comes with the accompanying bitterness that Metuh is known for.
- The Nigerian government absolves Pastor Oristejafor of all crimes. After all he is a man of God.
- Fuel scarcity hits the capital city and most states. A bomb goes off in a lecture hall in Kano.
- No one bothered to ask what is a pastor’s business in business.
- A bomb goes off in a lecture hall in Kano.
- That is the Nigerian Government’s story and they are sticking to it.
- Thanks for being Doughnuts as usual.
- Change is needed. Stop electing idiots!
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.